Having been locked inside my CB-3000 for nearly 4 weeks, during which time the device was removed only for cleaning purposes, Owner instructed me after last nights supervised shower not to put the device back on. For people who have not regularly worn a chastity device my reaction to this instruction might come as a surprise. Instead of being happy at this news i became slightly sullen and moody. i had not intended to react this way and am ashamed that i did and will be rightly punished by Owner for behaving so. But, there is no getting away from it, react this way i did.
i have realised, having discussed my reaction with Owner, that i had come to start to use the device as something of a psychological crutch. It made me feel 'safe' and, i believed (and still do for that matter) that it helped me to become a better submissive by concentrating my energies and efforts on pleasing Owner. What do i mean by this? Well for starters what i don't mean is that i suddenly had a frantic desire to masturbate! i have never subscribed to the idea that a sub cannot exercise enough self-control and discipline that they cannot be relied upon to not masturbate and need to wear a chastity device in order to be forcibly prevented from doing so. This may be true for some but is not the case with me. So no, i was not suddenly gripped with a feverish desire to masturbate! Rather, and this surprised me, i have realised that i had started to come to associate my wearing of the chastity device with my ability to perform the tasks and duties to a standard my Owner expects of me. In short, i feared that in a non-chaste state i might somehow become less submissive. This may sound silly, and i know now that it is, but that is what put me into a mood last night.
The other thing is that it is not like chastity was a new state for me. i have been kept in and out of chastity for going on about 2 years now. The only difference is that this was one of the longest 'stretches' i had been kept so locked up for. Most times i'm locked for a period of around two weeks. So nearly 4 weeks was something of a longer duration, and me being a stupid male had started to see the whole thing as something of a personal challenge i.e. what might my 'personal best' being locked up be? 6 weeks? Maybe a couple of months? So aanother aspect of my reaction was a silly disappointment that i hadn't been locked for longer! In other words, my reaction was in part due to a selfish feelign of a challenge thwarted. How silly is that?!
Owner and i discussed my reaction this morning and She has rightly stated that my submission to Her and service to Her should be exactly the same whether i am in chastity or not. In addition, as my Owner, it is entirely upto Her to decide if She does or does not want me in chastity. Furthermore, i will just have to exercise the self-discipline She expects of me to ensure that i do not accidentally orgasm during any subsequent play unless She has explicitly santioned it.
My conclusion to all this is that without realising it i had allowed chastity to become a psychological crutch and like all such crutches it needs to be broken. Realising it had become such a crutch is the first stage in breaking it. None of this means that Owner will not be instructing me back into chastity at some time in the future for a duration of her choosing, rather it means that i need to realise that my submission to Her should be total at all times irrespective of whether i happen to be 'locked-up' at the time or not.
Meanwhile, Owner has booked us both into a hotel this weekend for a night of fun and debauchery which i am greatly looking forward to! Owner is expecting me to behave as Her perfect pet slut, and i being the slut i am am eager to demonstrate just how slutty i can be! LOL Owner has purchased a 'Masters Sling' which She is eager to try out, as am i! And of course, now that i do not have the plastic cage to protect me i will be fully exposed and at Owners mercy if She brings along the little metal clothes pegs and their sharp bitey teeth. i just hope the room is sound proof!
Have a good weekend all
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