Watching the Pride Parade yesterday with Owner got me thinking, what am i? Until my early twenties i identified myself as male and hetrosexual until a couple of sexual experiences with men caused me to re-think and start describing myself as bi-sexual. None of these was ever more than a one night stand and i could never imagine having a relationship (not that i'd want another relationship i hasten to add as i'm delighted with the one i'm in) with a man so i'm not even sure it's a valid description. That was also many years ago but still i describe myself, if asked, as bi-sexual.

During my 20s i also started to fantasise about domination and submission, with me as the sub, and of dressing up in women's clothes. In truth i can remember doing this as a child but then who didn't? However, i didn't identify myself as a cross-dresser or transvestite, just someone exploring his sexuality. When Owner and i met i told Her of my growing interest in wearing women's lingerie and also of my submissive tendencies. That got us started on our ever evolving Femdom relationship with me wearing panties etc under my normal clothes. Gradually an element of 'forced femme' was introduced with Owner demanding i occasionally wear make-up in public and allowing me to purchase some more pretty clothes to wear at home. However, still i identified myself as a bi-sub, not a transvestite or cross-dresser.

To my own surprsise as much as anything else though i quickly became used to wearing make-up and Owner began to have me dress prettily at home at all times and i began to be a bit more daring with what i would wear outdoors. i started to notice women too, no not in that way! No, i began to take note of what they were wearing and wishing i could wear the same outfits too, sometimes even wishing i had their body shape or hair style.

As my wardrobe quite literally grew so i began to describe myself as a cross-dressing bi-sub. But it didn't stop there. Owner and i ibegan to describe my cock (which is invariably in chastity and which i have absolutely zero desire to use for penetrative sex - and if i think about it have never really been that interested in) as my 'clit'. My arse became my 'pussy' and Owner now enjoys taking and fucking Her whore whenever She feels like it. We've practised stretching it so that it can now be easily fucked by most things and the truth is that i love nothing more than to be fucked hard in my 'pussy' and stretched open wide. Over the course of this year Owner has also been getting me to improve my oral sex techniques on a variety of dildo's and now not a day goes by when i am not sucking a dildo at least a few times a day, for example when doing the washing-up. OK, so to recap, i'm submissive, bi, like to dress-up on femme and be fucked whilst kept in chastity so does that make mean i'm a sissy?

Maybe i am. However, the popular image of a sissy is of someone resplendent in frills or a maid's outfit. Now, i have nothing against this at all and indeed love to wear such outfits myself on occasion. But most of the time i desire to look as 'normally' female as possible not dressed as a maid or in frills. When i go out i love to be wearing a bra with a feminine top, girls jeans, women's shoes, make-up. However, what i wear and am allowed to purchase is that which Owner approves of  and grants Her permission for so i don't wear a bra everyday, as this has not been granted, nor do i yet wear skirts in public though i would love to. i am growing my hair at the moment so that i might one day have a more passably feminine hair-cut.

However, all of the above is tempered by the fact that i don't go all out to be a woman. i have no desire to take hormones, although i do sometimes fantasise about having maybe just tiny little breasts and would love one day to have my facial hair lasered. My feminisation, if you can call it that is part sexual, i do get a sexual kick out of being dressed up but now it also feels quite natural i.e. in no way can it now be described as being in any way 'forced'. There are still things i haven't done or worn and would be nervous as hell about doing so, but i'd get over it and know from past experience that once done would become steadily easier and easier until eventually the norm.

So hence the question, what am i and does it matter. Well i think i'm a bit of a transvestite, part sissy, with elements of cross-dresser, who sometimes has the mind of a t-girl, male....er sort of! i know it doesn't matter and that these are all just labels but none of them actually seems to fit. i also though have a sneaking suspicion that in a few years time my only particular point on the spectrum between 100% male and 100% female will have shifted again and will probably keep shifting throughout life. The only constants i imagine will be my naturally submissive nature

My conclusion to all this is that it doesn't really matter at all how one describes oneself. i'm the happiest i've ever been, am in the best place i've ever been and the most wonderful relationship i've ever been in. Both Owner and i have grown and evolved as our relationship has developed and keep learning and growing  and having fun every day.

Talking of having fun, i am, of course, a terrible exhibitionist (oh come on like you didn't notice!) and here's a gratuitous photo Owner took just before She had me fist my own pussy whilst She masturbated whilst straddling my face

2 comments:

sissyserge said...

I totaly agree, P, it is of no importance how one describes oneself. I consider myself a sissy, but not a frilly-sissy. There's even a group on Second Life (where immense amounts of sissies gather) called "sissies-not frillies".
As you said, you are very fortunate to be in the relationship you are in, so just keep cherishing it and be whoever you wanna be!

Happy pet said...

Thank you serge

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