Owner has devised another wonderful tattoo design to have permanently etched on my body as a gift from Her to me and as a token of Her ownership of me. The design is a play on Her pet name for me, the one by which She frequently refers to me, namely 'Petunio'. Neither of us can quite recall why or when Owner first started calling me this but She has done so for many years. Thus, it is appropriate that my new tattoo will incorporate this name and the flower, the petunia, it derives from. This is the design Owner has created
i think it is beautiful and i cannot wait to be etched with it. The tattoo will be placed on my inner left thigh. All that is needed now is to confirm the appointment time. i am very excited and very honoured to have another symbol of Her ownership of me permanently marked onto my body. 

i currently have 8 other tattoos on my body, 6 of which were designed by Owner and which symbolise an aspect of our relationship together. These six are:
  1. The date of our wedding in 2018 and the word 'wife' in Latin - Uxor - tattooed around my left breast
  2. A cat tattooed on my left shoulder symbolising my status as Owner's pet
  3. An old-fashioned skeleton key tattooed on my left hip symbolising my state of chastity
  4. An ankle bracelet with a  half crescent tat toed on my left ankle and foot which symbolises my femininity
  5. A serpent tattooed on my right hip whose Celtic origin references Owners' ancestry whilst the S shape is the first letter of Her name and can also be read as a symbol of my submission
  6. A princess crown on my right ankle - again a symbol of my femininity and of my 'little princess' tendencies
My two remaining tattoos pre-date Owner and my relationship and have no significance
i have received a number of comments and questions about my breasts over the past few months. In particular, readers have asked whether i planned to try and develop my breasts? Given the frequency the question has arisen of late i though i would write a post to try and address it.

i guess questions about my breasts have arisen of late because i have posted a number of pictures of them being punished or abused as a consequence of the home working tasks i have been required to complete. Tasks such as today's when the roll of the Owners' home working dice again required me to wear weighted nipple clamps for 15 minutes
How i spent 15 minutes this morning, tits weighted and clamped
Anyway, back to the question. Are there plans to have me develop bigger breasts? The short answer is no. There are two main reasons. First and foremost is the fact that only Owner is in a position to determine anything about my life or my body and She is very happy with my existing 38AA boobies. Owner is not really into curves (She much prefers an angular look) neither is She a woman who finds women's bodies attractive. Although She has been very supportive of my own feminisation and, indeed, buys bras for me and has in the past suggested that i wear inserts at the end of the day She wants me to have a body that is androgynous looking. My having real breasts does not interest or appeal to Her (and yes we have on occasion discussed the matter) so for that reason alone i think i can safely say that my breasts will be staying as they are.

What of my own opinion? Would i like to have breasts? Even though this is a purely theoretical question (for the reason given above) i still find it a difficult one to answer. Had you asked me this 20 years ago i would have wondered why on earth you might even be asking me, it would not have been/was not something that had ever crossed my mind. i had on very rare occasions dressed en femme but that had never extended to wearing a bra.

i didn't begin to wear bras (unpadded at that point) until about a decade ago and that was when my journey towards being feminised and evolving as Owners' slut and (eventual) wife had begun. But even then it was only on occasion at home. That progressed until the day when i first, very nervously, wore a bra to work. Again, at this point the bras i wore were all unpadded and so were easily 'hidden' under my clothes.

Gradually i adjusted to, and became used to wearing, unpadded bras. At that point i got the thought of having breasts into my head for the first time. Owner and i discussed it and She was clear that She did not want that for me. She did, however, suggest getting me some inserts for my bras. i baulked at the idea, which i think was quite revealing. If the idea of wearing inserts terrified me (it genuinely did) what on earth would i have done if She had said yes, She wanted me to have breasts?! It showed that although the idea might be an appealing fantasy to me, that was what it was, a fantasy. i would not have been able to cope with the reality.

Fast forward to today and, unlike back then, i now regularly wear padded bras (though still not to work). It has taken me a while to adjust to having a teeny bit of a bust and i like the new profile that they give me. Owner too is OK with them (She was the one that actually bought my first padded bras for me). i have worn them to restaurants and to the pub and out and about. i have not yet worn them to work but i now would like to start doing so - though perhaps not until the autumn when i can at least conceal their presence a bit, to start with at least. i like the shape they give and the fact that it makes it more obvious that i am not a man (although genetically obviously i am). What i am is another question but i just know that i feel more comfortable in my own skin (so to speak) as i am now than i ever have done before in my life. i can now look at myself in the mirror and think that i look attractive, i never, ever thought that about myself before.

However, though i have become more accustomed now to having a little bust (courtesy of the padded bra) there is a big difference between that and genuinely wanting to have breasts. i love the idea of having breasts but there is a big difference between a fantasy in ones' head and reality. Even were it an option (which it is not) i am still not convinced that were i able to suddenly be able to wave a magic wand and, hey presto, i had breasts i would actually do it.

What i would love though (were it my decision to make - which again it is not), and i am conscious that this could sound a little strange, what i really would love to have are much bigger nipples. Mine are already a reasonable size. Both have been pierced and abused over the years which has increased their size a bit anyway. But i would love to have much bigger ones, ones that truly protruded out through the material of tops, ones that you could inflict heavy punishment to, nipples that if much bigger must feel even more fucking amazing to be caressed or played with than is the case already. i have, in the past, orgasmed simply as a result of Owner playing with my nipples. i would love to have nipples like these
nipples i'd love to have - not mine!
Again, this is not, however, something over which i have a choice to exercise - it would only happen were Owner to require it. But i confess to having a bit of a thing about stretching and abusing my nipples and have come to greatly enjoy the discomfort of supending heavy weighted clamps from them.

So in summary, no i will not be getting/developing real breasts although i do hope that i will eventually wear padded bras on a daily basis. As for my nipples, these i would like to make bigger still through more regular stretching and abuse.
Yep it's that time of the month again (the 11th day to be precise) the day that a roll of Owner's chastity dice determines if i might be temporarily released from chastity or not? What would the dice roll decide? Which of the 6 possible outcomes Owner had loaded the dice with with would chance decide for me? Would the dice decide that i might be briefly unlocked or would i remain caged for longer? Well, the dice was rolled and answer is that i will be remaining locked for at least another month - to be precise until at least July 11th when the dice will be rolled again.

So far in 2019 i have spent all bar approximately about two weeks of the year in chastity. Each week i am released for approximately 5 minutes on a Monday evening for a supervised shower. In addition there have been a few brief periods when the dice has determined that i should be briefly unlocked. The rest of the time, however, i has been spent locked up24/7.

In addition to being physically locked in chastity it is also now well over six months since i was last permitted an orgasm. i have not had any form of release so far this year. Being kept denied like this is a strangely wonderful experience. It leaves me feeling horny and aroused. i can't really describe the feeling very well other than to say that i love it and am truly thankful to Owner for keeping me denied this way. The chastity dice was Her idea and She decides what each of the possible outcomes might be even though it is down to chance on the day which one i might get when i roll it. Equally, it is She who decides when or if i might be allowed to orgasm again. Both are wonderful examples of the control She exerts and wields over me.
Well today was a day in which i was again working from home and so, as my last four home working days have resulted in indoor dice rolls this meant today would be the turn of the outdoor challenge dice. What would it be?......the dice was rolled and ....(drum roll)....chance determined that i would have to go to our local park wearing fishnets and a mini skirt and send Owner photographic evidence that i had completed my challenge. This is one of the more demanding challenges that Owner has currently loaded the dice with and i had been waiting and wondering when i might have to complete it. Now i knew.

Our local park is not very far from where we live, at the end of our street in fact just past a small parade of shops. It is always a popular place and even though today is a Friday with rain forecast one can normally expect to see joggers and dog walkers and parents with prams. In short, i was bound to see and pass people on my way there as well as in the park itself.

So, how did i get on? Well, you can see from this little photo selection below:
posing in my outfit at home - the easy part!

about to set-off - coat on in case of rain

in the park - flashing my stockings

i was quite apprehensive before leaving home and, as expected, there were a number of people out and about. However, it did not rain and i was able to take my picture and send it as proof that i had completed my challenge to Owner.

i don't wear skirts in public that often and so when i do it is always a real thrill.  Wearing a mini skirt together with stockings and suspenders along our street, passing our local shops, walking past people who live nearby, buses going past and there being people out and about jogging or with their dogs in the park made it extra thrilling. i am very lucky to be set challenges like this by Owner.
In the first few years of our relationship i used to put on regular dance and strip-tease performances for Owner. It was a part of our life that we both enjoyed and they were great fun to do. However, i then had a prolonged period of quite serious back issues which, at its worst made walking impossible let alone dancing! My strip shows ended.

Last night, however saw the first of what is to become a new routine of Tuesday night dances for Owner. Every Tuesday after i have made dinner and washed up and completed my chores for the evening i am to get changed and do a little dance routine for Her. Yesterday evening i performed my own interpretation of Style from Taylor Swift's 1989 album. It's a great song. i think it is safe to say that Taylor does it much more justice than i do and she is certainly much prettier than i am but it was fun to do and Owner seemed suitably impressed. You can see a still from my routine and a short clip of me 'dancing' below:
Strike a pose

Unlike yesterday today has been another day in which i have been working from home. The dice was once again rolled by Owner and this time it determined that i was to remain naked wearing just a furry foxtail butt plug for half an hour before removing it and putting on my skirt and blouse. i knew we had some deliveries expected and so i spent a slightly apprehensive 30 minutes this morning in just my birthday suit and furry plug hoping that there would not be a knock at the door. If there was i would have to answer it wearing nothing but my stockings and tail. Luckily for me (and the delivery staff!) there wasn't and the half hour passed incident free. It would have been quite humiliating to have had to answer the door dressed only like this
Wearing my furry plug
pussy plugged
i am pleased to report that when the deliveries did arrive later in the day i was able to receive them fully dressed in my work outfit of blouse, skirt, stockings and heels.


Talking of dice, a fourth one will soon be added to Owners' collection. There are currently three that She uses. These are:
  1. A chastity dice - rolled monthly (on the 11th every month) to decide whether i will be unlocked or not and, if so, for how long
  2. A home working indoor task dice - rolled every time i work from home and determines what task/activity i will have to perform that day whilst working - typically involves being clamped or plugged (as above)
  3. A home working outdoor dice - gets rolled after the fourth roll of the indoor dice i.e. every 5th day i work from home. Requires me to undertake an outdoor challenge. This dice includes challenges such as applying make-up at the bus stop or wearing a mini skirt and fishnets to our local park (the dice hasn't landed on this one yet!). These are great fun to do if a little nerve wracking, but being an exhibitionist they are my favourites
These three dice will shortly be joined by a fourth. This dice will be rolled on those days that i am working away from home i.e. in the office, going to meetings, giving presentations at conferences etc. i don't yet know what Owner will load that dice with when i am working away from home but i will keep readers posted as i know Her dice games have generated quite a bit of interest. They also ensure that i am kept fully on my toes and occupied including, now, those days when i am not working from home.
Yesterday was the 14th anniversary of when Owner and i first met each other in real life.  We were both coming out of divorces and were looking for some new friends or people to meet on a now  defunct online website called 'Friendster'. Neither of us was looking for a relationship, just some new people to get to know in London and had each joined the site on the recommendation of other friends of ours. We chatted on and off and, after a few weeks, set a date to meet up for dinner. That date was the 31st May 2005. It was to be another almost five months before we went from being 'just friends' who met regulalrly to go to the cinema or for drinks to relationship that became a little more intimate. Fourteen years on look at us now.

Part of me can't believe so much time has passed and yet i also find it hard to recall what my life was like before we met. My life divides neatly into two epochs, life before Owner and life with Her. My life before Her was so completely different in some many ways. i too was a very different person back then. We were both almost completely vanilla in lifestyle back then. Had you said to us back then that we would end-up in a Female-led relationship in which Owner controls and determines pretty much every aspect of my life outside of work, and that i am delighted that She does, neither of us would have believed you. Equally, had you said that i would be living as Owners' wife, would wear women's clothes and make-up daily, including to work, neither of us would have believed you - me especially! Had you said that i would be collared and be proud to wear my collar wherever i went, that my body would be adorned with tattoos symbolising our deepening Femdom relationship i would have been amazed. Had you said that i would have willingly handed over full financial control to Owner and have Her be the one who makes all decisions affecting our lives i would have, to put it mildly, been a bit surprised. Had you told me then that in fourteen years time i would long to be kept in permanent sexual denial, be grateful (truly so) for the fact that Owner maintains me in chastity and denies me permission to orgasm, i would have thought i must have gone mad with old age. But here we are 14 years on and all the above and more, much more is true. And i am the happiest  and luckiest person alive. What is more, we have had fourteen years together that have been filled with fun and shared experiences. We are each others best friends and are almost totally inseparable from one another.

The 31st of May is actually one of three (yes three!) anniversaries we celebrate each year. The other two are the 6th October (the first time we kissed) and the 16th February (our wedding anniversary). However, the 31st May has always felt quite special. It marked the start of our journey together and though it would take us until October that year to go from 'just friends' to something more serious - and only then because Owner tired of waiting for me to make a move on Her and so snogged me in Charing Cross station as She was heading home one evening. Believe it or not i am actually quite shy in some regards!

This year Owner is gifting me two further examples of Her domination and control over me. Two further symbols of my joyous submission to Her.  The first gift will be coming in the form of another tattoo. i am already adorned with a number of permanent symbols of our relationship and my submission to Her and shortly i will be getting another. This time i will be adorned with the image of Owner's pet name for me. My blog gives my name as 'poppet sub slut', my blogger profile is 'Happy Pet' but Owner refers to me by a different name. To Her i am 'Petunio' and soon i will be tattooed with an image of the flower from which Her pet name for me is derived derived - the petunia. It will look so pretty! She is currently choosing an image She likes and will then provide the design for me to take to take to arrange to have done. Owner will also choose the location on my body the tattoo will go, as She has done for the other tattoos i have that symbolise aspects of our lives together.

Her second gift of domination relates to Her control over me and the level of free will i enjoy. Gradually and incrementally Owner has (with my full consent) taken greater and greater control over my life. These range from things such as finances (my salary goes straight to a joint account which i can use for household or essential purchases only - i instead receive a monthly allowance from Her) to Her choosing what clothes i might be permitted to buy and wear. Other examples of Her control in include Her vetting all drafts of everything that i write on this blog, choosing where we will go on holiday, determining when and what i can post on social media, how our flat is decorated. She even chooses what i can eat when we go out for a meal.  There is virtually nothing (outside of my work) about my life that Owner does not control. Now there is to be even less. We have agreed that i will now cede all control over what i may be permitted to drink when we go out to Her as well. It is another step towards Her total domination of me and a necessary one. It will ensure that i am no longer able to choose what to drink we go out to a bar or a restaurant. No longer will there be awkward moments when i ask Her whether i might be permitted a cider to drink. Instead, i will in future simply wait for Her to decide for me whether i am to have a soft or alcoholic drink and what it might be. Just as with when we go to a restaurant and order a meal Owner will decide for me when it comes to drinks from now on too. It removes another potential source of discord and disagreement and ratchets up Her control over me one notch more.

Over fourteen years we have gone from friends to a relationship where Owner is very much the one in total control and i love Her all the more for it. To submit to Her is to experience true happiness in life and i yearn for the day when Her control over me is truly absolute. Importantly, however, Owner exercises Her control lovingly and She will often consult me and seek my views. In truth She often pampers me and treats me. Hers is not a hard regimen and sometimes i end up asking Her to perhaps be a bit less lenient with me so that i might lean and develop and grow. But it is a relationship that works for us. i can honestly say that i think we are the happiest and most secure couple i know. We discuss everything and She knows everything about me.

i am truly grateful to Owner for Her continued and ever deepening domination of me and for making these past 14 years the happiest of my life. She is my world and Her control over it becomes more absolute with every passing year.
a very rare photo of my wonderful Owner
Owner and i have just returned from a lovely weekend in Cologne. It was a little break we both needed and greatly enjoyed as work has been quite stressful for us both of late for differing reasons and it was lovely to get away. i was also super lucky in that Owner permitted me to have a couple of drinks at Heathrow before the flight and then have some more on the Saturday in Cologne (although She had me back on soft drinks on the Sunday).

Neither of us have been to Cologne before, although we both really like Germany and have visited a number of other German cities in the past. Cologne did not disappoint and we had a very relaxing couple of days walking, sightseeing, drinking and sausage eating (me).
sunset over Cologne
As usual for the flight out and back i swapped out of my metal nano chastity device into the plastic Holy Trainer before clearing security. After that i swapped back into the metal device. On the return journey i discovered that Cologne has installed one of those full body scanners that you have to stand in front with your legs spread and your arms apart whilst it scans you for anything untoward. As i waited in line i wondered whether it would detect the plastic Holy Trainer device? i knew that 'normal' scanners do not but might this one? Owner went through first and then it was my turn. i stood and waited with my legs spread and was duly scanned. The result?....nothing. So far my chastity and airport security luck has held out and i have not yet been 'detected'. However, i am resigned to the inevitability that one day i will be and as we fly quite regularly that day could be next month or in a few years, who knows.

Anyway, on returning from Germany i was able to work a few days from home. That, of course, meant dice challenges. Yesterday was an indoor challenge and the dice determined that i should wear weighted nipple clamps for 15 minutes. Owner remarked a few months ago that my nipples have become less tolerant of pain and so i am trying to increase my pain thresholds by punishing them quite hard whenever i have to wear weighted nipple clamps. This time i loaded each nipple with 12oz (340g) of weights. To be able to suspend that weight for a full 15 minutes without sliding off requires the use of clamps with teeth that can hold on tight to your flesh rather than padded clamps which tend to slide off. i used the table cloth weights again as they have a serrated plastic grip that holds quite firm and 'bites'.
nipples under heavy tension
24 hours later and my nipples are still nice and sensitive from their ordeal. However, it is also an effective way of increasing my pain tolerance, which is what is needed. Incidentally, i also have a bit of a 'thing' about stretching my nipples, I'd love to have really big ones. But that is a whole other story.

Today's dice challenge was of a different order completely. Today i had to complete an outdoor challenge. The dice determined that i had to go outside and take a picture of my knickers on my head. i was wearing one of my new Victoria's Secret panties. Here i am in our street at 8.50am hoping that one of our neighbours doesn't suddenly appear and wonder what on earth i am doing!
down our street, panties on head and...ooh look, a chastity cage!
This Friday will see a little milestone for Owner and i in that it will have been 14 years exactly since we first ever met in person. We still re-visit the same restaurant we went to each year. It would take us another six months or so to properly 'get together' and about another 6-12 months after that before we started to tentatively explore developing a Female-led relationship. Since then we have continued to go from strength to strength despite occasional health issues and the odd setback along the way. We are still each others best friend and i love Her with all of my heart - i would, quite literally, follow Her anywhere or do anything for Her.

Talking of dates, this coming Saturday will also, barring anything unexpected, see me reach the half-way point of 2019 without having had a single orgasm. i have also been locked 24/7 in chastity for all except about a fortnight of that time. However, even for those brief periods when i am released know better than to try and pleasure myself. Being kept in denial like this is a wonderful and frustrating experience. i regularly feel very horny and am easily aroused and will often absent-mindedly caress my nipples. Part of me would love to be allowed to orgasm, both for the transitory pleasure of cumming itself but also for the opportunity to taste cum again - it's a taste i quite like and Owner used to feed it to me or make me lick it up after i ejaculated. However, another part of me wants to be kept like this, in a state of frustrated denial. That is an increasingly powerful yearning and one i never could have imagined ever wanting when Owner and i first started dating. The longer i am kept like this the stronger it builds. i know that in the past few years the breaking of a prolonged orgasm drought was always accompanied by a feeling of disappointment mixed in with the pleasure of the orgasm itself. Disappointment that i had actually cum and with that the attendant loss of that all consuming, frustrated arousal that had accompanied the period of denial and built steadily during it.

Increasingly i find that my desire to be kept denied is stronger than that of being permitted to cum. Of course i still love to be aroused, still yearn to have my testicles beaten and abused to the point where i can feel i am close to tipping over the edge to orgasm (these past few years i have only been permitted to orgasm from testicle spanking, paddling, slapping, flogging etc - my 'clit has not been permitted inside Owner for almost a decade) but now i don't actually want to cum. i want to be remain denied, frustrated. None of this is my decision to make of course, it is Owners and Hers alone. But i do love my prolonged state of frustrated denial, i love the fact that so far this year i have experienced the grand total of zero orgasms. Call me weird but i am hugely grateful to Her for having kept me this way. These days the only thing i find i miss about not having an orgasm is the taste of cum.
My 48 hours of being unlocked and out of chastity is drawing to a close and i will soon be locked back into chastity once again until at least the 11th June when the chastity dice will be rolled again. It has been enjoyable being briefly let out and Owner used the opportunity to occasionally poke and prod my little squishy clitty and even to decorate if with a flower (see below) but that has been as far as things went. My clit was otherwise ignored and will be locked back up in a few hours time, leaving me to continue to wait and wonder when, or whether, i might be permitted to orgasm this year. It has now been almost six months at least since i last came. Denial, whether locked or not, has become the new normal for me and i confess to rather liking being kept this way.

my clitty enjoying the last of its second day unlocked
clit in bloom
My poor titties really are being made to suffer this week, although as a consequence they are wonderfully sensitive to the touch at the moment. i worked from home on Monday and then again today (Wednesday) and each day Owner's dice determined that i endure a different type of breast torture. On Monday it resulted in me again being required to attached 10 min-pegs to each nipple/breast and keep them on for 20 minutes before removing. Then today i was required to attach weighted clamps to my nipples and wear these for fifteen minutes before removing them.



In case you are wondering what the clamps are that the weights are suspended from these are weighted plastic table cloth weights that have quite teeth grip so they are able to hang onto the flesh of my nipples quite well even when additional weights are suspended from them. You can see how my nipples were stretched by the weights hanging from them.

My nipples have been regularly abused over the years and one of the by-products of this is that over time they have become bigger. Both have been pierced and when i used to wear rings in each (unlike today when i only wear a ring in my right one) we experimented a bit with me wearing a weighted chain suspended between each nipple ring - so that they were kept under permanent tension. Unfortunately, it eventually caused a problem with one of my piercings and so we had to abandon the idea. On the plus side though the legacy of piercing and abuse means that both nipples are super sensitive and easily aroused, something i am sure that my chastised state also adds to. It is easy to make them hard and aroused and i adore Owner teasing and caressing them, She in-turn loves to torment them. i would actually love to have my nipples permanently stretched and enlarged but that is another story!

Incidentally, the other day Owner mentioned that She was thinking about having my right breast tattooed as well. She had my left breast tattoed shortly after we got married last year (it has the date of our wedding in Roman numerals and the word 'Uxor', meaning wife in Latin inked around it). She is thinking of something similar for my right breast. i am really excited at the prospect.
After giving Owner a foot and back massage this afternoon it was time to roll the monthly chastity dice to see whether i would remain locked for another month or would be temporarily released. Well, the outcome was.......(drumroll)... i am to remain locked until next weekend when i will be released for two days then locked back up until at least the 11th June.

Owner was quick to point out the next weekend is Eurovision song contest weekend (always a high point in my year) and teased me that maybe my unlocked clitty could be decorated with some Eurovision flags? Could be an interesting weekend :)