Owner booked us both in for a night at the Exhibitionist Hotel in West London London (yes, there really is such a place!) as a treat for the two of us this weekend. Owner advised me that She wanted to do a photoshoot whilst we were staying and even permitted me to choose a maxi dress to buy especially for the  occasion and bought me some matching ear rings.

Owner had booked us into the penthouse suite so there were opportunities to do take indoor and outdoor photos. We had great fun with Owner snapping and me posing. We started pretty much as soon as we arrived on the Saturday, then paused to head out for drinks and a meal before resuming this morning. We are both really pleased with the resultant images, a selection of which you can see below;

i love this picture

i even got a chance to pose outside in my bikini
yes those are metal spikes on that chair and yes, Owner had me sit on it :)

an old favourite dress of mine that doesn't get worn that often
The stay was a brief but lovely one. i even got complimented by a total stranger about my jewellery when we were having our meal together, which was a first!

i really am lucky to have an Owner who is not only a very talented photographer but who also really enjoys having me dress prettily for Her so that She can then photograph me - which of course i am thrilled to do!
Today i had an outdoor dice challenge to complete, i had to return to our local park wearing a mini-skirts and fishnets and send Owner photographic evidence that i had completed the task the roll of Her dice had decided for me. It is a beautiful day in London, warm and sunny and so i opted to wear a sleeveless top without a jacket and my tartan mini-skirt, black fishnet stockings and a pair of red trainers. The park is less than a five minute walk from where we live but, as always when doing anything outdoors, i knew there was a high chance i might bump into a neighbour and it was certain that i would pass other people on the way - the route takes me past a small parade of shops, it is a bus route and the park is normally popular with dog walkers and parents with children.

So anyway, how did i get on? Well, you can see for yourself below

sat on the bench in the park
preparing to leave for the park
walking back home again
As always i was left feeling quite excited from my 'outing'. i didn't bump into anyone i knew but a bus and some cars and vans did pass me and there were people in the park as well. Nobody seemed to pay the slightest bit of attention to me in their midst but it was a lovely challenge to do as well as a great opportunity to wear a skirt that i don't often wear. i am most grateful to Owner for initiating these challenges for me and for loading the dice with a range of tasks designed to test me.

In a comment on my last post Becky suggested that i ought to do a bikini wearing park challenge. It is Owner who decides what challenges get loaded into the dice but that is a nice seasonal suggestion. Wearing a bikini in a park is actually something i have done in the past. Owner had me wear the silver bikini i had at the time (i don't have it any more - i currently have one blue polka dot and another pink sequined bikini) and a hat and photographed me sunbathing in...i think from memory it was Hyde Park, or it could have been Regents Park. Anyway, it was one of the Central London parks and it was great fun.

Earlier in the week i also had two further dice determined activities to complete. Yesterday evening, as a 'punishment' for having worked away from home during the day, i cooked and ate dinner and washed up wearing my furry butt plug, stockings and my work apron. The day before was spent working from home and that time the dice decided that i had to fuck myself with one of our favourite dildo's. i was good and stopped before there was any risk of major clitty leakage, just a light sticky dew.
fucking myself
In other news i have (finally) earned enough tokens to qualify for a reward under Owners' reward scheme - yay!! My dilemma, however, is this. i now have enough tokens to 'spend' them on a reward of a glass of Owners wonderful and delicious urine. However, if i were to hold onto them and earn more tokens then i would have enough for some of the other, more stretching rewards. What to do? i love drinking Owners piss, i love the taste and smell of it and it has now been a while since i last had a glass. Do i blow what tokens i and spend them now in order to satisfy my craving for Owners' pee or do i hold out and try to earn more to spend on one of the other rewards? Oh, decisions, decisions!

Owner, meanwhile is treating me this weekend. She has booked us both into a hotel in London in order to stage a photo shoot with yours truly. i have been bought a maxi-dress and to wear with heels and there will be opportunities for some indoor and outdoor photos. i love being photographed by Owner and hope to be able to share some of the resultant images afterwards. Owner has successfully completed a photography course and i have said to Her that i am sure there is a market for Her photographic skills. In the meantime, however, i adore the opportunity of being Her muse. In another life i would love to have been a glamour model (had i had the looks) or have appeared in a porn film (in chastity of course!) and so love the chance to pose for Owners pleasure and amusement and hopefully that of readers of this blog too.
On Thursday, it being the 11th day of the month, i got to roll the monthly chastity dice once again to see whether or not i might be released? And the answer......no, i am to remain locked for at least another TWO months. That means no further chance of release until September the 11th when the dice will be rolled again (Note to self - i must remember to bring the dice on holiday with us as we will in the middle of a two week holiday on that date).

This means that when the dice is next rolled i will have been locked for over 100 days. i don't know if that will be a record for me or not, if not it will be close to being one. It also means that i will, most likely, by then have gone over 250 days without an orgasm. Yesterday i passed the two hundred day mark. Two hundred days of feeling happily, hornily, frustrated.

Thursday night i also received a caning for having worked away from home during as i had to attend a meeting. You can see my bottom was looking a little 'stripey' as a consequence and i can confirm that it felt rather warm afterwards :)
Striped butt
However, i did not get to think about it for long as i was then bound and gagged for an hour whilst we watched a TV episode as a punishment for having gone into work for my job interview the day before. At the end of the hour my mouth was leaking freely from the cock gag that had been in my mouth the whole time.

i worked from home yesterday and the dice determined that i needed to deep-throat a dildo every hour for three hours. i enjoy deep-throating and i think i have got much better at it with practice

On your marks, get set...
In the evening Owner took me out for some drinks and a meal to celebrate my promotion at work. How lucky i am.
Well today has been an interesting day! This morning i was interviewed for a promotion at work and then this afternoon it was time for me to get the tattoo done that Owner had designed for me. i went to a studio called Velvet Underground tattoos. i have not been to this one before. It is in East London near the Barbican Centre and it is an all female tattooist studio.

Outside the tattoo studio
i was done by Emily and i think she has done a great job as does Owner. Here is me with my bandage over my new tattoo and then with the bandage part-removed.

my new petunio tattoo
And yes, i was tattooed whilst just wearing my spotty Victoria's Secret knickers (having needed to remove my trousers) and in chastity! The whole process took about 40 minutes and Owner and i are really delighted with the result.

Oh, and on the way home i got a call to say i have got the promotion.

Quite a day. And tomorrow marks another milestone as it's chastity dice day and will also be the 200th day spent without having had an orgasm. July is proving to be quite a month already.

Meanwhile, as a consequence of working away from home two days on the trot i will be bound and gagged for the duration of a an episode of TV series we are watching. It lasts about an hour. i was gagged the other day for the same reason and same length of time. i was drooling a bit by the end :)
Owner and i have just returned form a lovely short break to Derry in Northern Ireland. We had a great time exploring the city walls and just wandering around this small but compact city on the banks of the River Foyle. Sadly you do not have to go far in Derry to be reminded of its recent bloody past and evidence of the old sectarian divisions are still apparent in different parts of the city between rival Unionist and Republican communities. That said, much has also been done to challenge and overcome past divisions and there is a lot more to the city than its recent turbulent past. We also took a train trip out to the small coastal town of Castlerock with its golden beaches and pretty cliffs.

Everwhere we went people were super friendly and welcoming, we definitely hope to return one day.
enjoying lunch in a cafe in Derry
Entering the Bogside in Derry
Bogside mural depicting events from Bloody Sunday
The peace bridge in Derry
As is often the case when we are staying in a hotel Owner also used the opportunity to do a small photo shoot of Her 'pet'. Our room had a large bay window which overlooked one of the main streets in Derry. In front of the window was an inviting chaise lounge. It was, quite simply, too good an opportunity to pose for photos. Our room was overlooked from across the road where we could see people working in an office. i hope the photo shoot did not distract them.

posing in full view of the offices opposite

 Whilst we were away Owner fucked me twice, Friday and Saturday morning. On Friday after breakfast She spanked my chastised clit and then sat on my 'plums' (testicles) as She likes to call them and pleasured Herself with Her vibrator whilst grinding down on my tight little plums as my clit strained in its cage. Next She repositioned Herself and moved up my body to sit on my face and continued to pleasure Herself with Her vibrator whilst yours truly had the privilege of licking Her delicious arsehole with my tongue until She came. Owner then paused briefly before lubricating my pussy and inserting first one, then another and then another finger inside me until all Her fingers were sunk in my pussy. Then She proceeded to pump my pussy with Her hand as She again pleasured Herself with Her vibrator until She was spent. It was wonderful and She left me joyously aroused yet frustrated.

The next morning, after breakfast, we returned to bed where Owner wrapped Her panties around my head so that the crotch was just under my nose, allowing me to inhale Her divine scent and gagged me with the cock gag. Owner then rode my gagged face with Her crotch whilst She pleasured Herself once more to an orgasm. As She came She pushed down hard with Her hips, forcing the dildo gag further down my throat. It was wonderful to be throat fucked by the gag like this whilst She pleasured Herself above. Then, still gagged, Owner put me on all fours and fucked me with Her vibrating strap-on before collapsing on top of me when She had had Her fill. My little clit glistened with pre-cum inside its cage but was again denied any opportunity for release.

It is now almost 200 days since my last orgasm and i love the constant sense of frustrated denial that i am kept in whilst having the opportunity to pleasure Her and help bring Her to orgasm.

The whole trip was wonderfully relaxed and uneventful. i wore my bra and make-up without anything untoward happening. The only minor incident that occurred was as we were leaving Derry airport. i had removed my metal chastity cage and replaced it with the plastic Holy Trainer device to pass through security. However, my bracelet triggered the alarm and the security staff asked me to remove my shoes and searched my bag. i had no socks on and so padded through security in my bare feet with my pink painted toe nails. The security agent took everything out of my rucksack to check inside, including the little transparent bag that the 'Holy Trainer' comes in and which has 'Holy Trainer Male Chastity Device' emblazoned on it and which contained the metal chastity cage that i had just taken off to replace temporarily with the plastic Holy Trainer device. i need not have bothered as i was rumbled after all anyway. The security agent did not say a word to me as he looked at the bag with the device inside and neither did i :)
Owner and i are heading away for a long weekend to Northern Ireland which means it is a shorter work week for us. However, i have had to work away from home on two occasions this week and so have had to be punished by Owner. The form of punishment i received was determined by the new 'working away from home' dice which She has introduced to encourage me to work from home, where i belong.

One of these two punishments will be completed when we return from our trip and will involve me being gagged for the duration of a TV series we both watch - about an hour - whilst we watch it. However, the second punishment was administered last night and comprised another 100 strikes from Her favourite leather paddle. Owner administered it during the World Cup half-time break. Once again it made quite an impact and left me with red and sore bottom.

This morning Owner declared how much She is enjoying these new punishments. She has also decided that discipline should  be used again as a learning aide to further my Spanish language learning. Years ago Owner used to regularly test me on how well i was doing with Spanish and then punish me if i was not doing well (i should say here that languages really are not my strong point). Anyway, i then had a period of ill-health and these study punishments ceased. That was a few years ago. Owner has now decided that She will re-start testing my Spanish and that i can expect to be punished for errors or mistakes.

So it looks like discipline and punishments will be playing a bigger part in my life from now on.
This weekend has been quite hot, although not as hot as it seems to have been in mainland Europe. Owner is not a big fan of the heat at the best of times and She was not feeling too great and so Saturday was spent indoors doing as little as possible. We watched the World Cup matches together and i did my exercises and some housework but essentially it was a very sedentary day.

Today, however, the weather was a little cooler and so after completing my morning exercises we decided to head out to Canary Wharf for lunch and a little bit of retail therapy. Owner chose my outfit for the day.
Owner loves my panda t-shirt
In the roof garden above Canary Wharf station
We headed first to the restaurant for lunch. As usual Owner chose my meal and drink for me. After eating we then headed to the shops. There were a few sales on and it proved to be my lucky day as Owner bought me a lovely pair of ripped denim shorts and a spotty sleeveless top in Zara as well as another top for Herself.

Shopping completed we returned home and settled down to watch an episode of Billions together. Well, sort of together as i was tied to a chair to watch it. My being tied to the chair for an episode resulted from me having gone into the office one day last week and it being the 'punishment' that the working away from home dice had determined. It required that i be tied to a chair when watching a TV episode with Owner and this was the first one we had watched together since. Owner did a very thorough job of tying me up
All tied-up

Incidentally, one of the main characters in Billions has a Femdom relationship with his wife so it was rather appropriate that i should be watching the episode whilst suitably restrained!

Some readers may have wondered whatever happened to the rewards scheme that Owner instigated a few weeks back in which i could earn tokens and then exchange them for 'treats'; such as glasses of Owners delicious urine or the opportunity to deep throat a dildo in public (amongst other things). Well, Owner established a very high bar for these rewards and up until this weekend She adjudged that i had not completed any of the tasks for which tokens could be earned to a sufficiently high standard to warrant me earning any tokens. Each day i have stared forlornly at the little pile of 'tokens' to be earned that sit on our coffee table and the pink piggy bank in which successfully earned tokens would be deposited. That piggy bank has stayed depressingly empty for weeks. Empty that is until today. This weekend Owner decided that i had done enough to be rewarded with one token. Not enough to receive any kind of 'treat' but at least it is a start! You can see the piggy bank with the solitary token inside next to the pile of yet to be earned tokens next to it. i am clearly going to have to up my game if i want to earn some more tokens quickly - which i do!
my reward piggy bank with one token inside and a pile of tokens waiting to be earned behind
Today i was working from home. This meant i needed to roll one of the home working dice. However, this time rather than needing to complete a dice determined challenge or task at home i instead had to undertake an outdoor one. This was because after every fourth occasion in which i am working from home i have to roll the special 'outdoor challenge' dice. This gets rolled less frequently but always creates a moment of high tension as it spins across the floor. What will i have to do? This time it came to rest with the instruction 'Walk in high heels to bus stop (video)'.

This is one of the more challenging tasks Owner has loaded that dice with. It requires that i leave our flat and walk to the bus stop in high heels and record the whole challenge on video to demonstrate that i have completed it.

Well, today was a nice sunny day, the perfect day to head outside for a walk. Also it being a Friday, also meant that i would be wearing one of my dress-down Friday home-working outfits i.e. i would be dressed a little more casually than any day of the working week. So, how did i get on? Well, you can be the judge of that.

This is me just as i was about to leave the flat and head outside
All set to walk to the bus stop
I was a little nervous as i prepared to undertake the challenge, Would i bump into our neighbour? i had heard her leave the flat earlier in the morning but had not yet heard her return. She might at any minute. Would there be many other people about? Where we live there is always bound to be somebody you will see. Would a busload of people pass me? i was, after all, walking to the bus stop. The buses are pretty frequent, every fifteen minutes or so. The chances were high that one could pass at any moment. Perhaps one would arrive at the bus stop as the same time i did. So many questions went through my mind as i prepared to set off. i confess i had a slight case of the butterflies in my stomach. Anyway, enough of my rambling. The video below shows how i got on, from the moment i opened the door to the moment i returned.

i sent the video to Owner who pronounced Herself was pleased with how well i had documented my challenge. i was really thrilled to have completed it to. Each time i do something like this makes the next time that much easier. i think i am gradually becoming less self-conscious and more confident. One of Owner's core expectations of me as Her wife is that i;

Look sexy and desirable
Be ready to follow orders
Behave like a whore when requested
Able to endure pain and humiliation

The dice are proving to be a great way of having me demonstrate my unconditional willingness to demonstrate some of these characteristics.

Incidentally, little did those people who saw me on my brief walk know that underneath my skirt and top i was wearing this
nude hold-ups, red knickers and cream bra
 Hope all our readers are well and wishing you all a lovely weekend
Well today i was working away from home (giving a presentation to be precise) and so that meant that today was the first day the 4th and most recent of Owners' dice came into play. This is the one that determines what will happen to me as a consequence of not working from home where Owner likes me to be.

The result? Well i was spanked 100 times using Her favourite leather paddle. The spanking occurred shortly after i had made dinner, washed up and finished my evening chores. The paddle warmed my bottom up nicely (i can feel it glowing as i sit and type). Owner took this picture just after She had administered my spanking.

pink bottom with Owner's favourite paddle - nicknamed 'gatuno'
Tomorrow i am having to work away from home again and so the dice has already been rolled to determine what consequence that will result in for me. The answer is that the next time we watch an episode of a TV series i will do so tied to the chair.

Owner has declared that She is already enjoying this new dice!
Yesterday i had my weekly supervised shower which is when my chastity device gets unlocked for a few brief minutes and my clit and cage are scrubbed clean with a nail brush before everything gets securely locked away again for another week. This time, however, Owner declared that She would like me to remain unlocked for a little while as it had been a long time since She had last had the opportunity to properly see and tease my clit.

Thus it was that for a short period my clit stayed cage free and got to experience the unfamiliar sensation of being touched. Normally the only physical contact it gets when it is in chastity are via the bristles of the nail brush used to give it a weekly scrub. Thus, the delicate touch of Owners fingers, if only briefly, was quite a delight.

Owner did not seek to stimulate or arouse my clit in any way, She simply touched and casually caressed it whilst we watch the Sweden vs Canada world cup football match. The period of release from chastity was a brief one and i am once more locked up. Meanwhile, my 2019 orgasm drought continues. It has been over 180 days since i last orgasmed (just before Christmas 2018). The longer i am kept in denial this way the hornier i become but equally the less i want to ever again be allowed to cum again. i don't miss or crave having an orgasm, in fact all that i genuinely do miss is the taste of is semen. What i love is the experience of sustained denial. i have no idea when or if it might end, That decision is Owner's. However, i am eternally grateful to Her for having had the opportunity to experience 183 days and counting of happy, frustrated denial.

Back to today, however. Once again i have been working from home and so once again the dice determined what task or activity i might have to do. This time chance determined that i would have to clamp my nipples, attach 20 clamps to my (freshly locked) clit and then spank it 50 times. Owner is keen that i build-up my tolerance of pain and discomfort - in Her words to be a little less 'fluffy' - and so i sought to ratchet up the pain and discomfort a little.

i attached our 'Tower of Pain' nipple clamps to my breasts and then attached 20 clamps to my clit (a combination of 10 plastic electricians clamps and 10 mini-metal clothes pegs) before then spanking my clamped clit 50 times with a wooden spoon. Owner seemed pleased by efforts to challenge my pain/discomfort thresholds. You can see how i got on below;
breasts stretched with tower of pain clamps

After that it was time to dress for another day of working from home. The first picture below is what i wore at home today, the second is what i wore yesterday - which was also the day we received our supermarket delivery and so this is the sight the delivery driver was greeted with. As a rule i find the delivery staff to be much friendlier when i am in a skirt and stockings. Ours is an upstairs flat so they also get an 'upskirt' view as i carry the groceries up into our flat :)

Tomorrow i will be working away from home as i am attending an event for work. Which means tomorrow i will be rolling Owners' new 'working away from home' dice to decide what forfeit or punishment will be coming my way in the evening when i get home.

Regular readers of this blog will know that Owner likes to use dice to decide things such as whether or not i will be released from chastity or what type of task/challenge i need to undertake when working from home. The dice are large blank ones that allow Owner to write on the face of each with the instructions that She has chosen should the dice land on that face.

You will also have read in my last post that recently i have not been able to work from home as often as i would like to. Well, now Owner has introduced a new dice that i will have to roll every working day when i am not working from home i.e. i am in the office or at a conference etc.

The new dice has been loaded with a set of instructions that i need to obey should the dice land on that face when it gets rolled. These new instructions are as follows:

  1. Eat dinner wearing a blindfold
  2. Be gagged for the duration of an episode of a TV series
  3. Be tied to a chair whilst watching an episode of a TV series
  4. Cook dinner wearing only hold-ups and my furry-tailed butt plug
  5. Receive 50 strokes of the cane
  6. Be spanked 100 times using the leather paddle
So, we now have a fourth dice that will be being used whenever i am not working from home. i never knew dice would one day feature so prominently in my life!
Today Owner and i visited the Kiss My Genders exhibition at the Hayward Gallery on London's South Bank. It really is worth visiting if you are in town. Before going to the gallery Owner took me out for a lovely lunch. She chose squid for me and even bought me a cider to go with it. After the main course She then announced that i was also permitted a desert and She chose some delicious ice cream. i mention all of this as Owner deciding what i will eat has become a normal part of our relationship for the past few years. She knows me well and i will eat anything and so it is Her that chooses from the menu for me. More recently this approach has also extended to Her also deciding what i will drink when we go out together. It works well and is just a little example of Owner's control over all aspects of my life.

waiting for Owner to choose my meal
 This past week has been a very busy one work wise. There was not a single day when i was working from home which wasn't much fun, and i have been travelling quite a bit. As a result it has been quite nice just to have a relaxed weekend with Owner. We watched a movie at home yesterday and then went to the exhibition today.

Later i will give Owner a foot massage whilst She watches some of the Football World Cup and then do some ironing and get ready for the week ahead.

i hope to be working from home a few days this coming week. i miss not being able to spend the day in a skirt. They are forecasting a mini-heatwave will hit and so i think it will be a case of wearing as little as possible without shocking the neighbour/delivery people too much if i bump into them - which i often do :)
Owner has devised another wonderful tattoo design to have permanently etched on my body as a gift from Her to me and as a token of Her ownership of me. The design is a play on Her pet name for me, the one by which She frequently refers to me, namely 'Petunio'. Neither of us can quite recall why or when Owner first started calling me this but She has done so for many years. Thus, it is appropriate that my new tattoo will incorporate this name and the flower, the petunia, it derives from. This is the design Owner has created
i think it is beautiful and i cannot wait to be etched with it. The tattoo will be placed on my inner left thigh. All that is needed now is to confirm the appointment time. i am very excited and very honoured to have another symbol of Her ownership of me permanently marked onto my body. 

i currently have 8 other tattoos on my body, 6 of which were designed by Owner and which symbolise an aspect of our relationship together. These six are:
  1. The date of our wedding in 2018 and the word 'wife' in Latin - Uxor - tattooed around my left breast
  2. A cat tattooed on my left shoulder symbolising my status as Owner's pet
  3. An old-fashioned skeleton key tattooed on my left hip symbolising my state of chastity
  4. An ankle bracelet with a  half crescent tat toed on my left ankle and foot which symbolises my femininity
  5. A serpent tattooed on my right hip whose Celtic origin references Owners' ancestry whilst the S shape is the first letter of Her name and can also be read as a symbol of my submission
  6. A princess crown on my right ankle - again a symbol of my femininity and of my 'little princess' tendencies
My two remaining tattoos pre-date Owner and my relationship and have no significance
i have received a number of comments and questions about my breasts over the past few months. In particular, readers have asked whether i planned to try and develop my breasts? Given the frequency the question has arisen of late i though i would write a post to try and address it.

i guess questions about my breasts have arisen of late because i have posted a number of pictures of them being punished or abused as a consequence of the home working tasks i have been required to complete. Tasks such as today's when the roll of the Owners' home working dice again required me to wear weighted nipple clamps for 15 minutes
How i spent 15 minutes this morning, tits weighted and clamped
Anyway, back to the question. Are there plans to have me develop bigger breasts? The short answer is no. There are two main reasons. First and foremost is the fact that only Owner is in a position to determine anything about my life or my body and She is very happy with my existing 38AA boobies. Owner is not really into curves (She much prefers an angular look) neither is She a woman who finds women's bodies attractive. Although She has been very supportive of my own feminisation and, indeed, buys bras for me and has in the past suggested that i wear inserts at the end of the day She wants me to have a body that is androgynous looking. My having real breasts does not interest or appeal to Her (and yes we have on occasion discussed the matter) so for that reason alone i think i can safely say that my breasts will be staying as they are.

What of my own opinion? Would i like to have breasts? Even though this is a purely theoretical question (for the reason given above) i still find it a difficult one to answer. Had you asked me this 20 years ago i would have wondered why on earth you might even be asking me, it would not have been/was not something that had ever crossed my mind. i had on very rare occasions dressed en femme but that had never extended to wearing a bra.

i didn't begin to wear bras (unpadded at that point) until about a decade ago and that was when my journey towards being feminised and evolving as Owners' slut and (eventual) wife had begun. But even then it was only on occasion at home. That progressed until the day when i first, very nervously, wore a bra to work. Again, at this point the bras i wore were all unpadded and so were easily 'hidden' under my clothes.

Gradually i adjusted to, and became used to wearing, unpadded bras. At that point i got the thought of having breasts into my head for the first time. Owner and i discussed it and She was clear that She did not want that for me. She did, however, suggest getting me some inserts for my bras. i baulked at the idea, which i think was quite revealing. If the idea of wearing inserts terrified me (it genuinely did) what on earth would i have done if She had said yes, She wanted me to have breasts?! It showed that although the idea might be an appealing fantasy to me, that was what it was, a fantasy. i would not have been able to cope with the reality.

Fast forward to today and, unlike back then, i now regularly wear padded bras (though still not to work). It has taken me a while to adjust to having a teeny bit of a bust and i like the new profile that they give me. Owner too is OK with them (She was the one that actually bought my first padded bras for me). i have worn them to restaurants and to the pub and out and about. i have not yet worn them to work but i now would like to start doing so - though perhaps not until the autumn when i can at least conceal their presence a bit, to start with at least. i like the shape they give and the fact that it makes it more obvious that i am not a man (although genetically obviously i am). What i am is another question but i just know that i feel more comfortable in my own skin (so to speak) as i am now than i ever have done before in my life. i can now look at myself in the mirror and think that i look attractive, i never, ever thought that about myself before.

However, though i have become more accustomed now to having a little bust (courtesy of the padded bra) there is a big difference between that and genuinely wanting to have breasts. i love the idea of having breasts but there is a big difference between a fantasy in ones' head and reality. Even were it an option (which it is not) i am still not convinced that were i able to suddenly be able to wave a magic wand and, hey presto, i had breasts i would actually do it.

What i would love though (were it my decision to make - which again it is not), and i am conscious that this could sound a little strange, what i really would love to have are much bigger nipples. Mine are already a reasonable size. Both have been pierced and abused over the years which has increased their size a bit anyway. But i would love to have much bigger ones, ones that truly protruded out through the material of tops, ones that you could inflict heavy punishment to, nipples that if much bigger must feel even more fucking amazing to be caressed or played with than is the case already. i have, in the past, orgasmed simply as a result of Owner playing with my nipples. i would love to have nipples like these
nipples i'd love to have - not mine!
Again, this is not, however, something over which i have a choice to exercise - it would only happen were Owner to require it. But i confess to having a bit of a thing about stretching and abusing my nipples and have come to greatly enjoy the discomfort of supending heavy weighted clamps from them.

So in summary, no i will not be getting/developing real breasts although i do hope that i will eventually wear padded bras on a daily basis. As for my nipples, these i would like to make bigger still through more regular stretching and abuse.
Yep it's that time of the month again (the 11th day to be precise) the day that a roll of Owner's chastity dice determines if i might be temporarily released from chastity or not? What would the dice roll decide? Which of the 6 possible outcomes Owner had loaded the dice with with would chance decide for me? Would the dice decide that i might be briefly unlocked or would i remain caged for longer? Well, the dice was rolled and answer is that i will be remaining locked for at least another month - to be precise until at least July 11th when the dice will be rolled again.

So far in 2019 i have spent all bar approximately about two weeks of the year in chastity. Each week i am released for approximately 5 minutes on a Monday evening for a supervised shower. In addition there have been a few brief periods when the dice has determined that i should be briefly unlocked. The rest of the time, however, i has been spent locked up24/7.

In addition to being physically locked in chastity it is also now well over six months since i was last permitted an orgasm. i have not had any form of release so far this year. Being kept denied like this is a strangely wonderful experience. It leaves me feeling horny and aroused. i can't really describe the feeling very well other than to say that i love it and am truly thankful to Owner for keeping me denied this way. The chastity dice was Her idea and She decides what each of the possible outcomes might be even though it is down to chance on the day which one i might get when i roll it. Equally, it is She who decides when or if i might be allowed to orgasm again. Both are wonderful examples of the control She exerts and wields over me.
Well today was a day in which i was again working from home and so, as my last four home working days have resulted in indoor dice rolls this meant today would be the turn of the outdoor challenge dice. What would it be?......the dice was rolled and ....(drum roll)....chance determined that i would have to go to our local park wearing fishnets and a mini skirt and send Owner photographic evidence that i had completed my challenge. This is one of the more demanding challenges that Owner has currently loaded the dice with and i had been waiting and wondering when i might have to complete it. Now i knew.

Our local park is not very far from where we live, at the end of our street in fact just past a small parade of shops. It is always a popular place and even though today is a Friday with rain forecast one can normally expect to see joggers and dog walkers and parents with prams. In short, i was bound to see and pass people on my way there as well as in the park itself.

So, how did i get on? Well, you can see from this little photo selection below:
posing in my outfit at home - the easy part!

about to set-off - coat on in case of rain

in the park - flashing my stockings

i was quite apprehensive before leaving home and, as expected, there were a number of people out and about. However, it did not rain and i was able to take my picture and send it as proof that i had completed my challenge to Owner.

i don't wear skirts in public that often and so when i do it is always a real thrill.  Wearing a mini skirt together with stockings and suspenders along our street, passing our local shops, walking past people who live nearby, buses going past and there being people out and about jogging or with their dogs in the park made it extra thrilling. i am very lucky to be set challenges like this by Owner.
In the first few years of our relationship i used to put on regular dance and strip-tease performances for Owner. It was a part of our life that we both enjoyed and they were great fun to do. However, i then had a prolonged period of quite serious back issues which, at its worst made walking impossible let alone dancing! My strip shows ended.

Last night, however saw the first of what is to become a new routine of Tuesday night dances for Owner. Every Tuesday after i have made dinner and washed up and completed my chores for the evening i am to get changed and do a little dance routine for Her. Yesterday evening i performed my own interpretation of Style from Taylor Swift's 1989 album. It's a great song. i think it is safe to say that Taylor does it much more justice than i do and she is certainly much prettier than i am but it was fun to do and Owner seemed suitably impressed. You can see a still from my routine and a short clip of me 'dancing' below:
Strike a pose

Unlike yesterday today has been another day in which i have been working from home. The dice was once again rolled by Owner and this time it determined that i was to remain naked wearing just a furry foxtail butt plug for half an hour before removing it and putting on my skirt and blouse. i knew we had some deliveries expected and so i spent a slightly apprehensive 30 minutes this morning in just my birthday suit and furry plug hoping that there would not be a knock at the door. If there was i would have to answer it wearing nothing but my stockings and tail. Luckily for me (and the delivery staff!) there wasn't and the half hour passed incident free. It would have been quite humiliating to have had to answer the door dressed only like this
Wearing my furry plug
pussy plugged
i am pleased to report that when the deliveries did arrive later in the day i was able to receive them fully dressed in my work outfit of blouse, skirt, stockings and heels.

Talking of dice, a fourth one will soon be added to Owners' collection. There are currently three that She uses. These are:
  1. A chastity dice - rolled monthly (on the 11th every month) to decide whether i will be unlocked or not and, if so, for how long
  2. A home working indoor task dice - rolled every time i work from home and determines what task/activity i will have to perform that day whilst working - typically involves being clamped or plugged (as above)
  3. A home working outdoor dice - gets rolled after the fourth roll of the indoor dice i.e. every 5th day i work from home. Requires me to undertake an outdoor challenge. This dice includes challenges such as applying make-up at the bus stop or wearing a mini skirt and fishnets to our local park (the dice hasn't landed on this one yet!). These are great fun to do if a little nerve wracking, but being an exhibitionist they are my favourites
These three dice will shortly be joined by a fourth. This dice will be rolled on those days that i am working away from home i.e. in the office, going to meetings, giving presentations at conferences etc. i don't yet know what Owner will load that dice with when i am working away from home but i will keep readers posted as i know Her dice games have generated quite a bit of interest. They also ensure that i am kept fully on my toes and occupied including, now, those days when i am not working from home.
Yesterday was the 14th anniversary of when Owner and i first met each other in real life.  We were both coming out of divorces and were looking for some new friends or people to meet on a now  defunct online website called 'Friendster'. Neither of us was looking for a relationship, just some new people to get to know in London and had each joined the site on the recommendation of other friends of ours. We chatted on and off and, after a few weeks, set a date to meet up for dinner. That date was the 31st May 2005. It was to be another almost five months before we went from being 'just friends' who met regulalrly to go to the cinema or for drinks to relationship that became a little more intimate. Fourteen years on look at us now.

Part of me can't believe so much time has passed and yet i also find it hard to recall what my life was like before we met. My life divides neatly into two epochs, life before Owner and life with Her. My life before Her was so completely different in some many ways. i too was a very different person back then. We were both almost completely vanilla in lifestyle back then. Had you said to us back then that we would end-up in a Female-led relationship in which Owner controls and determines pretty much every aspect of my life outside of work, and that i am delighted that She does, neither of us would have believed you. Equally, had you said that i would be living as Owners' wife, would wear women's clothes and make-up daily, including to work, neither of us would have believed you - me especially! Had you said that i would be collared and be proud to wear my collar wherever i went, that my body would be adorned with tattoos symbolising our deepening Femdom relationship i would have been amazed. Had you said that i would have willingly handed over full financial control to Owner and have Her be the one who makes all decisions affecting our lives i would have, to put it mildly, been a bit surprised. Had you told me then that in fourteen years time i would long to be kept in permanent sexual denial, be grateful (truly so) for the fact that Owner maintains me in chastity and denies me permission to orgasm, i would have thought i must have gone mad with old age. But here we are 14 years on and all the above and more, much more is true. And i am the happiest  and luckiest person alive. What is more, we have had fourteen years together that have been filled with fun and shared experiences. We are each others best friends and are almost totally inseparable from one another.

The 31st of May is actually one of three (yes three!) anniversaries we celebrate each year. The other two are the 6th October (the first time we kissed) and the 16th February (our wedding anniversary). However, the 31st May has always felt quite special. It marked the start of our journey together and though it would take us until October that year to go from 'just friends' to something more serious - and only then because Owner tired of waiting for me to make a move on Her and so snogged me in Charing Cross station as She was heading home one evening. Believe it or not i am actually quite shy in some regards!

This year Owner is gifting me two further examples of Her domination and control over me. Two further symbols of my joyous submission to Her.  The first gift will be coming in the form of another tattoo. i am already adorned with a number of permanent symbols of our relationship and my submission to Her and shortly i will be getting another. This time i will be adorned with the image of Owner's pet name for me. My blog gives my name as 'poppet sub slut', my blogger profile is 'Happy Pet' but Owner refers to me by a different name. To Her i am 'Petunio' and soon i will be tattooed with an image of the flower from which Her pet name for me is derived derived - the petunia. It will look so pretty! She is currently choosing an image She likes and will then provide the design for me to take to take to arrange to have done. Owner will also choose the location on my body the tattoo will go, as She has done for the other tattoos i have that symbolise aspects of our lives together.

Her second gift of domination relates to Her control over me and the level of free will i enjoy. Gradually and incrementally Owner has (with my full consent) taken greater and greater control over my life. These range from things such as finances (my salary goes straight to a joint account which i can use for household or essential purchases only - i instead receive a monthly allowance from Her) to Her choosing what clothes i might be permitted to buy and wear. Other examples of Her control in include Her vetting all drafts of everything that i write on this blog, choosing where we will go on holiday, determining when and what i can post on social media, how our flat is decorated. She even chooses what i can eat when we go out for a meal.  There is virtually nothing (outside of my work) about my life that Owner does not control. Now there is to be even less. We have agreed that i will now cede all control over what i may be permitted to drink when we go out to Her as well. It is another step towards Her total domination of me and a necessary one. It will ensure that i am no longer able to choose what to drink we go out to a bar or a restaurant. No longer will there be awkward moments when i ask Her whether i might be permitted a cider to drink. Instead, i will in future simply wait for Her to decide for me whether i am to have a soft or alcoholic drink and what it might be. Just as with when we go to a restaurant and order a meal Owner will decide for me when it comes to drinks from now on too. It removes another potential source of discord and disagreement and ratchets up Her control over me one notch more.

Over fourteen years we have gone from friends to a relationship where Owner is very much the one in total control and i love Her all the more for it. To submit to Her is to experience true happiness in life and i yearn for the day when Her control over me is truly absolute. Importantly, however, Owner exercises Her control lovingly and She will often consult me and seek my views. In truth She often pampers me and treats me. Hers is not a hard regimen and sometimes i end up asking Her to perhaps be a bit less lenient with me so that i might lean and develop and grow. But it is a relationship that works for us. i can honestly say that i think we are the happiest and most secure couple i know. We discuss everything and She knows everything about me.

i am truly grateful to Owner for Her continued and ever deepening domination of me and for making these past 14 years the happiest of my life. She is my world and Her control over it becomes more absolute with every passing year.
a very rare photo of my wonderful Owner