Probationary pet - Owner's appraisal

This evening after returning home i received the following assessment from Owner of my performance during my probationary pet period. i re-print Owner's assessment below in full;

Time has come to review trainee pet’s performance during his probationary period. Let’s remember the events that led to the current situation:

• Pet was collared on the 8th of September 2007
• Pet’s behaviour was not consistent and not of the standards required by his Owner so he was demoted to trainee pet on the 8th of September 2008 after having been warned on several occasions
• As a trainee pet his behaviour improved and Owner concluded that he was definitely better but becoming a pet required commitment so he was offered the possibility to become a pet on probation for 6 weeks in mid February 2009. During these 6 weeks he was supposed to comply with certain rules and achieve certain targets
• Due to the refurbishment of the flat, the 6 weeks had to be moved from mid February to May 2009 and the list of targets was slightly changed
  

Let’s now review if all targets have been achieved and the rating that probationary pet has been given for each of them:

[Rating: 0-very poor, 1-poor, 2-average 3-good 4-very good. Maximum points available: 60]

Targets Owner’s comments Rating

To wear his Probationary Pet badge - He did and sometimes very enthusiastically even when it wasn’t required. He showed he was proud to be owned and was not afraid to show it 4

To finish off the kitchen - He completed it. He’s not great at DIY, but he’s done it promptly and to the best of his abilities 4

To complete a ‘fake nails’ challenge - He did it! He was concerned and embarrassed at the beginning but he never gave up. He purchased items and had dinner in an Italian restaurant 4

To re-start my Spanish lessons I must schedule 1 lesson per week. If during a week I can not complete a lesson I must re-schedule 2 lessons for the following week - Failed miserably. Once more pet shows that if he doesn’t fancy doing something he may not do it. Erratic behaviour. Uninterested in Owner’s mother tongue. 0

To treat Owner to a pedicure every two weeks and a foot massage at least 3 times a week - He has consistently done this and has become an expert. If Owner didn’t get her pedicure or massage was because she refused to but pet always remembered to offer. Pet is forgiven for clipping Owner’s toe 4

To have a PowerPoint lesson – I must schedule this lesson and create a little project at the end - Failed miserably. Again, uninterested. Pet’s too busy being a slut 0

No to drink any coffee in the evenings during the week. On weekend evenings I must ask for permission - Pet has done very well and achieved this 4

To keep my paperwork organised in a folder. Any printed instructions for events/games must also be archived - Pet has started to do this but must make sure all paperwork is included as this will be our book of nice memories for when we are in the oldies home. Some papers are missing or haven’t been printed 2

To request a caning at least once a week - Pet has done this, if he hasn’t got one it was due to Owner being busy, tired or family visits 4

To think of imaginative ways to use the queening stool during play, produce a list and submit it to my Owner for approval - Pet has submitted a list of very creative ideas 4

To re-start daily/weekly cleaning routine - Pet has done this and has incorporated new services out of his own initiative. However, pet has struggle to keep the kitchen sink clean and odour free and has been punished for this on several occasions 3

To keep the flat very tidy - Pet has done. I agree the kitchen table is messy sometimes 3

To stop smoking on the 1st of June 2009 - Pet has done so and has been successful so far
4

To complete all punishments accrued before the re-start of the probationary period - Pet completed all of them 4

Not to accumulate more than 3 punishment from the moment the probationary period re-starts - Pet accumulated 3 exactly. The last punishment was given to him while being punished. It would have been good to see no punishments at all 2

Total: 46

Owner’s conclusion:

Pet has obtained 46 points out of 60 points available. This is not a bad score. Pet has achieved most of the targets and has done exceptionally well in some areas. But Owner always expects perfection and he unfortunately has not achieved some of his targets – he hasn’t even tried.
However, it would be unfair not to mention that pet has done very well in areas not covered in the probationary agreement such as:

• Being proactive – he has included new tasks to his morning routines
• Cooking – he just gets better and better and prepares healthy and balanced meals
• Being understanding – he perfectly understands and bears with Owner’s mood swings
• Being fun and exciting – he may not be the greatest burlesque star but he never fails to impress and entertain
• Updating his blog – he has shared with others his experiences in a fun and casual way

In conclusion, pet has grown in his role and in general has become more consistent despite his weaknesses. Owner will like to offer him the possibility of achieving the targets that he missed in order to become a proper pet again and get his collar back. This is the deal:

Pet will have to:

1) Complete the first 3 episodes of ‘Mi vida loca’ (in the BBC website: http://www.bbc.co.uk/languages/spanish/mividaloca/ ). Owner will give him a test on completion of the episodes. Pet must pass the test to be promoted
2) Arrange an hour session with Owner to get some PowerPoint skills and create a presentation with the title ‘Life as a probationary pet’. Owner will mark the presentation. Pet must also pass this test to be promoted

Both tests must be completed by the 15th of July.

If both tasks are completed to Owner’s satisfaction probationary pet will regain his pet status and a collaring date will be arranged. If the tasks are not completed appropriately, pet’s situation will not be reviewed until January 2010.

Owner wishes pet good luck and encourages him to prepare himself and clarify any queries he may have.

i think Owner has been more than fair and i am delighted at this opportunity to have a final chance.