When Things Turn Upside Down

Many years ago, when still really a child, i had my second and, so it would prove, final attempt at riding a horse. The first attempt had not ended well, the horse trod on my foot. This second time i managed to get on, i even got the horse to move a bit, but then the saddle slipped and i found myself ignominiously inverted. Hanging on upside down until gravity eventually won out and i fell to the ground. i have never attempted to ride a horse since.

The reason i write this is that this past couple of months have felt as little bit like that brief moment when, technically i was riding a horse, just not how you are supposed to. i was suspended upside down rather than sitting on top. i have continued to be Owners submissive, obedient wife and slut, just not how i am supposed to be. Things went awry - just as they did that time on the horse.

In my defence there have been a combination of factors that resulted in my not acting or behaving as i ought to have done, factors we all encounter at times in our life. Work has been extremely busy and stressful for both of us. For me, i allowed it to start to take over my life. i find my job professionally rewarding and it allows me to have, what i believe, is a positive impact on the world. i am, in that regard, quite lucky and privileged. However, as much as i derive satisfaction from it my work is not the thing that brings me greatest pleasure and satisfaction. That comes from serving my Owner to the best of my abilities, pleasing and pleasuring Her and from acting and behaving as the slutty exhibitionist that i am.

Truthfully, i am far happier and more contented getting on with the ironing or mopping the floors than i am being on a stage presenting or lecturing. Much as i physically might dislike it in the moment give me the experience of being bent over and whipped by Owner than receiving praise at work any day. i would far prefer to be on the receiving end of a dressing down from Her than encouraging colleagues in a team meeting. i would much, much prefer being cuddled up with Her than being in any situation work could offer.

However, this past few months has seen work taking over and also taking me away from Owner and taking me from the place i know i should be and the place i really, really love to be. Namely safe at home, serving Her.

Other things also came into play to take away my focus, things such as trying to look after my Dad and help him to see my sister. Concerns about the state of the world and what a shit show it all too often is, made even more so by the election of the orange man-child and his cronies, apologists and sycophants.

But, all these are things i cannot control. i can rage against but i cannot change. What, however, i can change is the thing that is actually the most important part of my life, namely my life with Owner. She deserves to have a better version of me in Her life than the one that turned up these past few months. She deserves a spotless home and to have all Her meals prepared and Her whims catered for. She deserves to know that She has at Her side a loving submissive who can be relied upon at all times to get or fetch whatever She needs and obediently and happily do Her bidding.

She deserves someone who completes the tasks or challenges She sets, who entertains Her and whose time is focused on Her and Her needs. Someone She can grope and fondle at any time of day and who will make their body available to Her. Someone to beat or to fuck, who looks pretty for Her, massages Her, does Her nails and Her hair. A sex toy She can use whenever She so desires just as She can electrocute and shock for Her own pleasure and amusement. A muse She can dress, a maid who cleans, a whore whose mouth, lips and tongue bring Her pleasure. A wife for all Her desires and needs and one who is at home, where She is supposed to be.

These are the things i really value. This is what i want my legacy to be. i need to get my work/life balance back in order. Owner deserves better but doing so will also make me happier and more contented too. i know that.

i appreciate that life can and does sometimes take over. We can't always live exactly as we would like to. But time spent upside down under the horse is time spent to no purpose.  It is high time that i got back into the saddle.

As i write this, Owner is out with friends and i am at home. i have spent time cleaning and have more to do. But i am also happy and content in a way that i have not been for a while. i am looking forward to Her return when, amongst other things She will hopefully read and approve the content of this blog post. i look forward to receiving the message from Her that tells me She is on Her way home, my cue to go and collect Her from the station and to carry Her bag. To hear about Her lunch and Her time spent with Her friends. i look forward to the quiet satisfaction of knowing that, whilst She was away i was not idle, that i cleaned and dusted Her home. To perhaps later being allowed to cuddle up to Her, feel Her hands run through my hair or up my legs. To part my thighs for Her, have Her slap my caged clit. To moan, be led to bed by Her. To worship and taste Her anus with my tongue whilst Her body quivers and spasms as She brings Herself off. To hold Her tight, feeling the contented metronome of Her heartbeat, watching the rise and fall of Her chest. Knowing She has had a good day and that i, as i lie there next to Her, frustrated, aroused and denied, have had an excellent one too.

That is the life i want to return to. The only life that makes me truly happy. The one i hope to live until i die.