Owner will, on occasion, say something along the following lines to me:
"I think I make your life difficult"
She says it concerned that being 'difficult' is a bad thing, that i would rather She did not make my life 'difficult' when in reality one of the things that i love and adore about Her is precisely because of the fact that She will tell me off, tell me not to do something and places restrictions on what i can and cannot do. If anything, the more Owner does make my life 'difficult' the more in awe and still more deeply in love with Her i am. i actually think i often have things far too easy (to be fair Owner also sometimes tells me that i do as well) and would benefit from a stricter or more 'difficult' regime, especially if i am one day to be accepted as Her slave.
Mistress Scarlett has blogged and written extensively about her relationship with her husband and her realisation that the meaner she is to him (and she is quite deliciously mean!) the happier and more contented he is. She contends that there is a type of person who is only truly happy when 'they feel helplessly in the power of a woman with a mean streak'. She uses the term 'Uxo' to describe such a person.
Whilst i would not regard myself as fully meeting her definition of an Uxo i do see myself reflected in a lot of what she says. More recently the excellent fellow-blogger Robert Anthony wrote a blog post describing how he too had been surprised how much he had welcomed and and loved having been unexpectedly on the receiving end of what he described as a quite mean (and painful) punishment from his wife.
It is definitely true of Owner and i that, for example, when She first instigated the regular maintenance disciplinary sessions for me She held back for fear of hurting me. i am not a pain slut so i was not exactly begging to be whipped or caned hard by Her. However, we both came to realise that She actually enjoys hurting me and, whilst i fundamentally remain something of a wuss when it comes to pain, especially electricity, the more She does hurt me the more profoundly in awe of Her i become. The more She hurts the more i want to be hurt by Her. i may hate it in the moment but immediately afterwards i am like, wow! i have come to learn that i love to be hurt by Her.
Take another example. Earlier this year there was a week when Owner was in Spain and i was back here in London. That does occasionally happen but whereas in the past i have been guilty of not using my time as constructively as i could whilst She was away i was determined this last time to show Owner that i could and would work hard for Her. Thus, i came up with a list of suggested household tasks i could complete in her absence that i proposed to Her.
Owner was, i think, pleasantly surprised. She really welcomed my taking the initiative and being proactive in my suggestions but expressed some concern that i didn't wear myself out. For me, however, i loved the fact that completing the list meant that i was working hard, really hard to get everything i had said i would do done. i wanted to show Owner that i was capable of very hard work and that i actually enjoy being made to work hard like that, just as i enjoy being locked up and getting very uncomfortable on occasions when She is out for lunch or dinner with friends. i am by nature a lazy person and find it all too easy to do nothing when in reality there are always things that i could and should be doing. i am working to be better at doing this off my own accord, after all Owner should not have to go to the trouble to tell me to do things when i should be making Her life easier. But i also know that having my failings highlighted to me in no uncertain terms is beneficial to me as is being pushed to work harder and criticised when i do not. One of the many things that i love about Owner is the fact that She can be and is direct with me and will make it known in no uncertain terms when i have not met Her expectations. i love Her all the more for doing that.
Owners time is also precious to Her and She enjoys doing with it whatever She wishes to do. She does not expect interruptions from me or to have Her time impacted by me. Again i love Her all the more for that. She fashioned a lanyard for me that i must use if i wish permission to speak to Her and i love that is what is expected of me. i just wish i could, hand on heart, say that i always remember to use it, i don't. Owner will also only do things She wishes to do, She may discuss things with me but at the end of the day She is a completely free agent to do as She pleases in a way that i am not. Does this mean there are things i would like to do but do not, yes. Does she say no to me, yes of course. Does that bother me, no.
Never once have i ever felt that i wish my life with Owner was in any way 'easier'. i genuinely love that life with Her can at times be 'difficult'. i am human so of course there are times when i may feel frustrated, times when i bite my tongue, times that i feel pain or discomfort, times i disagree. But Owner is my Owner and i love to have my life controlled by Her, to be constrained or hurt or discomforted in service to Her. i would not wish to live any other way. If anything, truthfully the more 'difficult' my life is made the more i absolutely love and adore Owner.
Of course, i still love to relax and be silly, go out etc with Her but to me one of the things that makes Owner such the special and amazing person that we do that, we do have fun and do normal 'couple' stuff but She also provides structure and discipline and has standards and expectations of me. The higher those are raised, the more i am pushed and challenged to meet them (and i know myself well enough to know that i often do not), the more Owner says 'no', the more She hurts me the more 'difficult' that my life as Her submissive sissy wife becomes, the further head over heels in love with Her i am.
Am i an Uxo? Probably not fully but i am definitely there on the Uxo spectrum (if such a thing even exists) as the meaner to me Owner is or the more difficult i find my life becoming (and truly it is not that difficult) the more my submissive little heart sings.
But enough of the serious stuff. i leave you with an image of me at work today wearing the hat, the exact same hat - one bought back when Owner and i went to Venice at the end of the Covid lockdown - that i wore on a call earlier today in a one-to-one meeting with my Director. Who says you can't also be silly and a little bit gurly at work too?
No comments:
Post a Comment