Owner Has Control

'What are you doing looking at that?' Owner remarked casually this morning as i was studying a particularly pretty sheer, lace, boned corset on Pinterest. 'Go and make me a coffee'. It was an everyday example of how Owner can and does control me and what She expects of me, to stop something immediately and get something for Her that She might need. It was an unremarkable event in its own right but it did give me the idea for this blog entry. Namely, control and the level of control Owner has come to exercise over me.

Take a recent night out at a restaurant for example. The waiter came over and presented us both with the menu. i looked at it but did so knowing full well that my actions were completely pointless, the waiter might just as well have handed a single menu to Owner. When we go out She chooses what i will eat and, more recently, what i will drink. Again, another example of the level of control She now wields over my life.

Or take yesterday. i received an email from one of (in my view) the best retailers specialising in bras for small breasts - a shop called Little Women. The email was promoting a flash Bank Holiday sale and they had a lovely bra in my size (38AA). i asked Owner if i might purchase it to which She replied that 'No' i might not and reminded me that i already had a number of bras (which is true). Again, another example of Her control. i am not permitted to purchase any clothes of any sort without Her expression permission.

When we first started our FLR/Femdom journey all those years ago i used to spend hours browsing blogs and forums or reading books looking for examples of how subs submitted to their Dommes and how, in Femdom relationships they had handed over control to their partner. There were quite a few examples but most centred on sex and had much less to say about day to day control and that was what i was really interested in. We live a 24/7 lifestyle 365 days a year. Ours is not a relationship that comprises of a few 'scenes' or 'play' episodes and then carries on as 'normal'. We live as we do with Owner in complete control every hour of everyday. That is not to say that there are not moments when, say for reasons of health or unexpected circumstance, i need to do something or decide on something that would normally be left to Owner. But these are the exceptional moments, not the rule.

Equally, Owner does not govern our relationship like some over-bearing dictator. Like any couple we discuss many things it's just that when it comes down to the decision, She decides. Owner regularly consults meabout things and equally it is sometimes me that puts forward an idea for Her to consider. Ultimately, however, the decision is Hers.

Neither did we get to where we are overnight. Owners' control of my life has been a gradual process which has taken many years to develop and strengthen. Some areas have not been easy and it has taken quite a while to mentally adjust (on my part) but all, i repeat, all are 100% consensual. There is a real danger in any relationship (not simply one where one partner is the Dominant one) for a relationship to become abusive. That is not what we are about and is not what any relationship should be about. That is abuse, plain and simple and should always be regarded as such. However, it is possible to develop a completely consensual relationship where one partner is in full control of the other and where the other willingly submits to that control, indeed relishes it.

i believe our relationship is one that has got close to achieving an almost total level of control, domination and submission that is practicable and manageable on a 24/7 and 365 days a year basis. There are still further ways it could deepen, but as i said, ours is a journey and we still (hopefully) have many, many years of life ahead of us to strengthen our bond further.

So, what does 'control and submission' look like in or relationship?

Finance 

• Owner controls this. My salary is paid direct into a joint account we have. From that i am then given a monthly £100 allowance for sundry expenses i.e. coffees etc. i may use the joint account to pay for groceries, and other shared items. Outside this i am  not permitted to make independent purchases
• i do have my own separate savings which i still make monthly payments into

Clothing, Meals and Drinks 

• Owner controls all aspects of this. 
• i am not permitted to buy clothes that She has not approved the purchase of nor may i wear anything She does not approve of
• When eating out Owner decides what i will eat and drink

Our Flat

• Owner determines how this is decorated and how it 'looks' and how it is to be maintained and cleaned
• i no longer have any possessions in the flat. Everything that was once 'mine' has been disposed of except one or two sentimental items

Travel/Holidays and Other 'Big Ticket' Items i.e. New Bathroom/Kitchen 

• Owner decides where and when we are going and whether and what new large expenditure is needed

Social Media

• Owner restricts my use of Facebook - i am permitted to post a maximum of 2 posts a week which She must approve of
• Owner edits and vets all of my blog entries

Developments Goals

• Owner sets development goals for me for areas in which i need to improve or skills i need to learn. For example, in the past i have been sent on courses to learn massage techniques, pedicures, flower arranging, sewing and jewellery making amongst others (i have certificates in a number of these!)

Sex

• i am not permitted to make any sexual advances to Owner - only She may initiate sex.
• my body is to be used for Owners' pleasure only
• i am not allowed to orgasm unless permitted 

My Body 

• Owner designs the tattoos that i have which symbolise aspects of our relationship
• Owner encourages me to maintain my body to ensure it remains attractive to Her
• Owner decides how i 'look' and what i may and may not do to 'change' how i look

In return for the above it is expected that i will undertake all of the following:

Housework

• i am responsible for preparing all meals (breakfast, lunch and dinner) - including Owners' lunch for work and washing-up afterwards
• i a responsible for cleaning the flat and have a daily 'rota' of tasks
• i do all the laundry and the ironing
• i am responsible for maintaining the outside of the flat, putting out the bins and looking after the plants
• i am responsible for ensuring the cupboards/fridge are stocked and that expired foods are disposed of
• i am responsible for looking after our pet fish [EDIT by Owner - like that is a massive chore!]

Act as Owners' Assistant 

• i am encouraged to be Owners' PA - to make bookings for events etc She would like to see and check arrangements
• i escort Owner to and from the station when She goes to and returns from work (the latter only if i am working from home)
• i carry Owner's bags
• i am responsible for ensuring Owners' mobile is charged overnight
• i am Her hairdresser
• i am responsible for providing massages/pedicures etc on request
• i am responsible Her work bag is packed with the items needed that day 
• i am responsible for checking that Her trains are running on time and checking the weather forecast so She knows what to wear

My Appearance and Behaviour

• Owner expects me to look pretty for Her. She permits and encourages my feminisation albeit within certain limits 
• Owner expects me to behave like a slut when requested but also to look elegant at times
• Owner expects me to do whatever i am told

So this is how we currently function as a couple, with Owner very much in control of nearly all aspects of my life outside of work.


It would be really interesting to hear how other couples in similar relationships have developed and what areas and to what extent one exercises control over the other.