180 Days of Denial and an Absence of Advent

Orgasm Denial

One hundred and eighty days ago i had an orgasm, i have not had one since, have no idea when or if i might be allowed to have one again. To be denied for such a long period, with much (not all) of that time spent in chastity, is something that has come to be a significant element of my relationship with Owner. This year has actually been something of a bumper year when it has come to orgasms for yours truly. i have got to experience four such moments...well sort of. i actually got to 'enjoy' two as two were ruined.

Even so 2 full orgasms and 2 ruined is quite a bonanza when compared to my experience of 2019, when i experienced none. Actually, and perhaps perversely, 2019 for me was a memorable year for that very reason, namely the fact that i did not orgasm at all that year, was simply not allowed to. For years now Owner has made it clear that a) only She can initiate sex and b) that my body exists purely for Her own pleasure and c) that She has no sexual need of my 'clit' inside Her. Thus, for me to not been allowed to climax feels like a natural extension of Her control over me and of my submission to Her. It is certainly the case that i act and behave better as Her submissive and obedient housewife when i am kept in a state of denial. On the rare occasions when i am permitted to climax my attitude and performance can and sometimes does slip. i concluded a few years ago that permanent orgasm denial is what i deserve and what is best for me to keep me in an optimum submissive state.

It is not that i don;t get to experience pleasure, i do. i derive immense satisfaction from witnessing Owner experience pleasure and i myself get to enjoy and worship Her anus when She does. i also get the pleasure of sometimes being teased and aroused but left desperately frustrated. My bits get spanked and beaten and, of course, i get to spend odd moments just casually caressing my tits - which are in a state of pretty permanent arousal and are deliciously sensitive. What i do not get to experience is an orgasm. If and when i do is not a decision i am in a permission to make and even when i am not in chastity the thought no longer crosses my mind to touch or caress myself. My clit is not for me.

It is for Owner and Her alone to decide whether or not i get to cum. She enjoys the occasions when She does, in Her own words 'make me cum like a whore' (i get very vocal) and likes to feed me my mess afterwards. She also takes delight in forcing me to orgasm by beating my bits hard - something that starts off being very painful and results in a briefly highly pleasurable (for me) and very explosive release. Whether i cum or not is totally Her decision not mine. i would like to be kept in a state of denial a lot longer, perhaps even permanently, but whether i will be i have absolutely no idea or control over.

 

Advent

This brings me to another absence, albeit one of a very, very different nature. Long-term readers of this blog may recall that Owner enjoys creating Her own special advent calendar each festive period - a calendar that involves me receiving a fresh task each day of the advent countdown. These are sometimes challenges, sometimes punishments, sometimes silly things to do. They always keep me nervously on my toes and give Owner something to entertain Herself with.

This year, however, there will be no advent. This is because Owner and i will, sadly, not be spending Christmas together. As occasionally happens the festive period will see Her head to Spain to be with Her family whilst i do a mini-tour of Southern and South-West England visiting mine. The good news is that Owner and i will be reunited when i head out to Spain to join Her in time for New Year, but it means that for Xmas and a few days leading up to it, we will be apart. It is not possible, therefore, to do a set of advent surprises.

Panic not, however. Instead of advent Owner is introducing a new countdown during January. This will be to countdown towards my 53rd birthday. For the past few weeks a succession of secret and mysterious deliveries have been arriving at home which are apparently all part of this birthday countdown. When they arrive Owner banishes me from the room as She unpacks and prepares the items which are sitting, tempting me, in their own special wrapped box in the corner of the lounge. i have no idea what they might be or what they might involve but i am very excited (and rather nervous) to find out.

So, whilst there will not be an advent countdown this year there will, instead, be a birthday one to update readers about during January. i would be interested to know if other readers have their own seasonal or birthday rituals?