Notes from a Happy Place - Top Tips for a Successful FLR from Owner and i

The best thing that has ever happened to me in my life was getting an opportunity to know, live with, love and submit to Owner. i joke with Her that my life cleaves into two halves. The first half (which included my first marriage) being my life before meeting Her and the second, much happier and more fulfilled half which is my life since meeting Her. She has changed, improved and enhanced me and my life in so, so many ways. i love Her and always will and hope to be with Her until i draw my final breath.

What has made my life with Owner so much more fulfilling and rewarding, and what has really cemented our relationship as a couple, has been the fact that, from a very early stage, ours has been a Female-Led Relationship (FLR). Put simply, Owner is in charge and i submit to Her authority. Her control over me and my submission to Her extends to all aspects of our life. It is our lived 24/7 experience and has been for the best part of approaching 18 years. In that time it has evolved, strengthened and deepened and now encompasses everything from how Owner's flat is furnished and kept, my responsibility for all cleaning, cooking, washing etc, my finances, what i can or cannot purchase, what i eat and drink, whether i am allowed out, what i wear and all matters sexual. 

Our relationship did not get to the point it has overnight. It has developed over time and i am sure it will continue to grow and evolve. However, i wanted to try and take stock and set down what i think are the key things that make it work for us. A set of top tips if you like. It is important to say that what follows reflects what has worked well for Owner and i, they may not for others and there are many different types of FLR out there. This is simply what we think has ensured our own FLR has (and continues) to work well for us.

1 - Love and respect  ours is a very loving relationship and, although Owner's authority is absolute She is always interested in my views and respects me, Her lifetime partner and wife as do i Her, whilst also accepting Her domination and control over me.

2 - Communicate with each other Owner is my best friend and i am Hers. We talk freely and, if at times i am not sure how best to say something to Her, i write to Her. For instance, when i first asked Her if i might be allowed to submit to Her i did so in writing.

3 - Don't rush, an FLR is not built in a day our relationship has grown and evolved over many years. This has enabled us to gradually evolve, get accustomed to a changed dynamic (neither of us had been in such relationships before), and has ensured that my submission and Owners' control is much deeper, has more permanent roots. Our relationship is better able to weather the inevitable hiccups than i think would have been the case had we aimed for where we are now at the outset and then been disappointed by a likely inevitable failure. Take small steps, wait until those are embedded and become habitualised then extend further. We hope to continue to be developing and evolving and growing in our FLR for many, many more years to come.

4 - It is about what She wants quite early into our journey it is probably fair to say that Owner tried to provide me with the fantasy FLR that She thought i wanted from Her. There was a lot of emphasis on sexual play and Owner dressed in a manner that She thought was expected by me of Her i.e. stockings etc, which is not Her style of dress at all. Our initial foray was more about my own fantasy idea of being controlled by a beautiful dominant woman than Her idea of what She wanted in a submissive That changed as Owner grew in confidence and i educated myself to become a better submissive to Her. The stockings etc were quickly ditched and the emphasis placed firmly on what gave Her pleasure and enjoyment and what She wanted out of the relationship, which is how it should be. Owner would not be seen dead in a skirt or stockings these days. She dresses how She wants and not to appeal to any male fantasy idea of what a dominant woman might look like. She does, of course, still look just as beautiful. That is not to say that everything is solely about Owner. She does still treat me at times to things that She knows i will like but which She may be much more ambivalent about. But She does that now from a position of genuine authority and control rather than from trying to do something to please me because She thinks that is what i want from Her. Looking back, although at the time i described us as being an FLR couple i would say it was a few years before we both learnt how to genuinely become one, before the societal norms and expectations were shed and Owner stepped into a position of full control and i fully accepted Her authority.

5 - It is not simply about sex well of course sex plays a part but it is the icing on the FLR cake, it is not the cake itself. So much of our dynamic and my submission to Her involves nothing at all of an overtly sexual nature (by that i mean direct sexual pleasure/stimulation). It is much more a mental thing, a happiness, security and comfort even (on my part) that comes from Owner's control of me. It is an expression of Her love for me just as my submission to Her is a reflection of my love for Her. Absolutely there is a sexual element. For me that is the sublime pleasure i get from helping Her experience sexual release and satisfaction. My own sexual pleasure is now denied. That again is an example of something that did not happen overnight. It occurred gradually. Early on in our relationship i was denied permission to penetrate Owner with my clit, that then gradually evolved to only being allowed to climax through having my labia/testes spanked hard and, more recently, not being permitted to climax at all - it is now 14 months since my last orgasm.

6 - Submission and control extends to all aspects of life, again FLR is about much, much more than what happens in the bedroom. For us it now pretty much encompasses every aspect of my life outside of work (and i can't wait for the day when i no longer have to work and it can fully extend to every waking hour of my life). i have surrendered control over all aspects of my life to Owner, from money, to what i wear, what i eat and drink, what i write on social media (everything that appears on this blog is first checked by Owner, this is also true of my Facebook account), whether or not i am allowed out unaccompanied by Her etc, etc. My default is the expectation that i need Her permission for pretty much anything. Owner seeks my views and input to decisions but She decides, both for Herself and for me. Failure on my part to remember this is punished, and rightly so. This did not happen overnight, It took quite some time to get to the point we have now. Surrendering control of my money was (rightly) not an easy thing to do but i have no regrets about having done so. My life has improved dramatically in so many ways now that Owner controls me in the way She does. She is actually a very benign ruler, something we have discussed as not always being in my best interests! i hope that, overtime, She might also become more authoritarian with me but i also know that She is not by nature an austere dominatrix. But Her control continues to gradually extend and deepen as does Her readiness to enforce it, physically or by other means if needed. It will be interesting to see how things have evolved in another 18 years time!

7 - FLR is fun as well as being best friends Owner and i also make each laugh, a lot. Neither of us takes things too seriously and although we are both very serious about our relationship and how fundamental Her dominance and my submission is to it, that does not mean we cannot have fun together and enjoy each others company. Hers is not an austere prison regime and i am not Her slave. Neither of us take ourselves that seriously and there are many occasions when we have both ended up in fits of giggles in the middle of what was a supposedly serious moment.

8 - Time spent together is the best time we are each others best friend. Owner and i are that couple who are always together and we both greatly enjoy each others company. In bed, in the park or in the pub and everywhere in between there is no place i would rather be than with Her, and the feeling i know is mutual. i need Owners written permission to spend time away from Her outside of work, or for the purpose of running errands for Her, whereas She can and does spend time with whomsoever She pleases.

9 - Be open to try new things and don't be afraid of 'failure' there are things that have become important to Owner and i that did not start out that way. i do not naturally like pain (i am not a masochist) and Owner was initially reluctant to inflict it upon me. However, She discovered that beating me could be pleasurable and enjoyable for Her and i learnt to embrace and tolerate pain. Owner normally beats me each week, on occasions when that does not happen for some reason i now genuinely miss Her crop, paddle, whip or cane. More recently, Owner has discovered the fun to be had with electro-torture. We both discovered a shared passion for piss, mine for consuming Hers and Her for having me drink Her urine. My 'forced feminisation' rapidly escalated when it tapped into and released a deeply feminine side of me that i had long sought to suppress, it changed me forever. Other things didn't work as well. Contracts were initially written but soon abandoned, replaced instead by a long-term training regime.

10 - Celebrate and be proud of who you are as a couple the anniversary of  of our first ever meeting, when we then started dating and of our wedding are all important dates in our calendar which are celebrated each year without fail. i have been inked and pierced by Owner and i am proud of that, proud of the fact that my body has been indelibly marked as Hers. i am collared and glad to wear the symbol of my submission to Her. Owner has a key on a chain symbolic of my almost permanently locked in chastity status and Her broader Ownership of me which She regularly wears.

Over the period of our relationship there are also some things that i have learnt about myself, some of which came as something of a surprise, others i perhaps knew where there just never really acknowledged. These are (in no particular order);

• the less autonomy i have, the happier in myself i am
• i benefit from being given rules and routines to follow
• i am, by nature, both an exhibitionist and a slut and love to behave and be treated as such
  
• the feminine side of me is the 'real' me, the me that feels most natural and the one in which i am most at ease with myself
• being physically restrained is calming, comforting and a great way to clear my head
• i love, love, love serving Owner and feeling i am being of use to Her
  
• i enjoy cleaning, cooking and housework and learning useful new skills
  
• being thought of as a slutty, submissive wife is more validating than my professional career and gives me the most satisfaction in life
• discipline, structure, submission to Owner and routine helps me to become a better version of me
• pleasing and pleasuring Owner, making Her happy, makes me very happy
  
• i do not miss sex as i once knew and experienced it nor, surprisingly, do i miss being able to orgasm. In fact, i actually prefer to be kept in a state of permanent denial
• i adore drinking Owners' piss and licking out Her wonderful arse
• i look forward to being caned, paddled, spanked or whipped
• i hope to be known and 'seen' by others as Owner's submissive wife
• what to me is now 'normal' about how i live my life now would have seemed quite extreme or weird to me before i started down this FLR road, such is the personal journey i have been on
  
• i have now come to be a firm believer in female supremacy. Ironically, Owner does not share this view.

So anyway, this is a bit more about us, what makes us and me tick and our FLR relationship work as it does. i would love to hear if any of this resonates with other readers.