Human Sex Toy

i will often describe myself as being Owner's sex toy, but what do i actually mean by that? Well, in some respects it is probably exactly as you imagine but in others respects it might not be. Let me explain how it began and what it has come to mean in the context of our Femdom/FLR relationship, and why i feel i am the luckiest slut alive.

Not long into our relationship we transitioned from being a vanilla couple to an aspirant FLR/Femdom one. At the same time, and as part of my newly submissive status, Owner made it clear that i was no longer permitted to initiate sex with Her. From that point onwards i was instead to become Her human sex toy to be used in any way She saw fit. 

i was only allowed, and remain so to this day, to lean over and give Her a quick kiss on Her mouth or cheek but. Only if She presents or exposes another part of Her body to me, such as one of Her beautiful breasts, Her delicious derriere or Her pretty feet, am i allowed to kiss these too. For the most part, Her body is strictly off-limits. The only other exception being when She wants a massage in which case i get to rub Her neck, shoulders and Her back, but nothing lower down unless it is to massage Her feet. 

In contrast, Owner has complete access to any part of my body to use in any manner that She sees fit anywhere or whenever She so desires. For the first couple of years She continued to make use of my penis but this quickly ceased and it has not been inside Her since, a period now approaching fifteen years. My mouth and fingers continued to be allowed to worship and try to pleasure Her pussy but even that privilege was withdrawn as it became clear that Her battery powered sex toys could do a much better job than i ever managed. This was especially true if they were used in combination with my tongue worshiping Her anus. Thus my function as Her human sex toy became ever more focused and specific to the point where, for the past decade, Owner almost exclusively uses my body for the sole purpose of worshiping Her anus with my tongue. This i eagerly do at the same time as She brings Herself off with one of Her ever-reliable mechanical toys.

Owners' two sexual favourite positions are either a) sitting astride my face, smothering and part-suffocating me as She brings Herself off whilst my tongue licks out Her anus or b) lying on Her side, knees pulled up towards Her chest, Her vibrator clamped to Her clit whilst i spread Her buttocks apart and push deep into Her backside with my tongue, licking Her and savouring Her wonderful taste.The one exception to the above two positions are when She will occasionally have me lie face-down on the bed then sit astride my upturned buttocks and grind Her cunt against my glutes as She brings Herself off with one of Her toys. This is a particularly frustrating position for me as, other than raising my butt up to maximise the contact between my cheeks and Her pussy, i don't get to taste or even see Her.

For my part there is nothing more thrillingly arousing than the taste, sound and experience of helping Owner climax. When i feel Her sphincter muscles contract and spasm around my straining tongue, hear Her cry out as i struggle for breath, in that moment i am in heaven. There is nothing on earth quite like it. That moment, together with the scent and taste of Her anus, is quite simply, sensational.

In the past, after She had been sexually satisfied, Owner would turn Her attention to me and would bring Her human sex toy to climax. In the early days She used to masturbate me until i begged Her to be allowed to cum. Permission granted She would then watch me ejaculate before scooping-up and feeding me my mess.

About a decade into our relationship Owner discovered that She could make me climax by striking my testicles repeatedly and hard i.e. that there was no need to masturbate my clit as She once had. When i am made to orgasm this way i do so extremely noisily. Owner used to encourage me further by loudly telling me in no uncertain terms what a complete whore i was when i got close to climaxing. Then She would watch as Her human sex toy exploded, spraying thick strands of semen all over the place before getting me to lick or scoop up and consume my own sticky mess. At other times Owner would ensure my orgasm was ruined, teasing and tormenting me until i was close to erupting then stopping and observing as the inevitable stream of cum oozed from my clit, again for me to lick-up.

However, that was then. Nowadays, once She is fully satiated and has climaxed a couple of times that is that. i remain in my euphoric state of wonderful, extreme arousal....however, i am now denied my own release. It is over a year (almost 13 months) since i last experienced any kind of orgasm myself (ruined or not) and i now have no expectations of being allowed to experience my own climax again. In that sense i have become a true sex toy, one whose purpose is simply that of providing Owner with pleasure.

Owners' ever-ready, always available, sex toy

As Her sex toy Owner obviously has full access to any part of my body at all times. At home i am not allowed to wear knickers in the evening so that She has easier access to my pussy and clit. She also gropes and molests me in public, which makes me wet and sends me into a swoon! It is actually something i really love Her doing, being treated like a slut in public by Her. At first it used to embarrass me and i became very self-conscious, now i don;t care what anyone thinks of me. In fact, i would actually be delighted if some stranger thought i was a slut.

If Owner reaches between my legs i know to spread them apart. She quite regularly fondles and gropes my butt and loves to stroke the patch of skin between my clit and my pussy. In fact, this area of skin is one of Her favourite bits of my anatomy. Just like all other parts of my body, save for my head and my arms, it is kept smooth shaven at all times and this year Owner also had it pierced. i am often woken up by Her squeezing and fondling my glutes or tracing Her fingers down my smooth, pierced crack and across the entrance to my pussy. It is a wonderful way to start the day and leaves me highly aroused for hours on end.

However. i also know that Her stroking or molesting me in these ways does not mean that i will get to experience the ultimate satisfaction of pleasuring Her to orgasm. Most times it is simply Her way of demonstrating Her right of access to me at any time. Her groping or caressing me like this also ensures that my own frustrated arousal levels are sent rocketing back into orbit where they remain, monopolising all my thoughts until they gradually return to their 'normal' background levels and i am able to think straight once again. 

Months at a time can, and sometimes do, pass before Owner instructs me to worship Her divine anus with my tongue. In the meantime, however, She will occasionally instruct me to undertake activities that ensure my orifices remain fully open and available should She wish to fuck me.

Owner knows i have a 'thing' for cocks, the bigger the better. On surveys that ask you to identify your sexual orientation, unless the option 'other' is available i will generally default to stating that i am bisexual. However, this is not strictly true. Although i have slept with a number of men in the past my interest was never in them as a person, nor in their overall physical shape. Fat or thin, tall or short in that sense i was not picky. No, my sole interest was the length and girth of their penis, the longer and fatter the cock the better. i also really love the taste of semen, hence loving it when Owner fed me my cum, or i had to lick-up my own. In fact, the taste of fresh semen is the only thing i have actually missed since no longer being allowed to orgasm....but i digress.

Anyway, Owner knows i have a thing for 'cocks' and so has a small collection of Her own together, with a selection of heavy metal butt plugs, for occasional use on me. In the past She would sometimes strap on one of these cocks of Hers and then, after having me orally worship it, would proceed to plough my pussy with it. However, this involved physical effort on Her part without Her receiving any direct reward. She did, at one point, have a harness with a pouch for a bullet vibrator (probably still does) to derive some direct pleasure Herself as She fucked me. However, She found its use a bit of a faff.

These days Owner has, i think, come to realise that it is far easier to simply have me fuck myself or fellate a dildo, in order to keep my holes 'in shape' than for Her to do so. Accordingly, i occasionally receive an instruction to deep-throat a dildo or fuck myself with one in order that my holes stay open and available. Such instructions state a specific amount of time i am required to fellate or fuck myself for. This never exceeds five minutes to ensure i don't become overly excited. Whilst i suck away, or slide one of Her 'cocks' in and out of my pussy in full view of Owner She will simply sit back and read a book, check Her phone or watch TV until Her timer goes off and She instructs me to stop. In short, She shows not the slightest interest in what i am doing it is simply an exercise in ensuring that Her sex toy is kept in a state of open readiness.

As for me, well the opportunity to occasionally fuck or suck one of Owner's large phallus's more than quenches my craving for cock, not least because of their unnaturally large size, length and girth. They fill me up and stretch me out in a way few real penises ever could. In doing so my cunt is kept loose and open and my throat is trained to deep throat cock and my gag reflex is brought under control.

So, this is what my life as Owner's sex toy is like. It is obviously only one small manifestation of my submission to Her but its affect on me is something that i experience from the moment i wake up to when i eventually drift off to sleep. It is a life where my 'clit' has long ceased to fill a sexual function of any kind. Instead, my most intense, passionate and physically intimate, moments with Owner are ones where it feels as though the flesh at the base of my tongue might actually rip or tear so hard is my proboscis straining to probe deep into Her anus whilst my ears are filled with the muffled hum of Her vibrator and the noise of Her cries and my heart pounds and panic stirs as i realise that i am struggling to breath. These are moments of pure, intense pleasure and ones i never forget.

It is a life where Owner can and does grope and fondle me at any time of Her choosing, where She casually ignores me as i plumb and stretch my orifices with a variety of dildos whilst seated next to Her or on the floor at Her feet. 

It is also a life where it is no longer a case of me begging to be permitted to orgasm but one in which there is a possibility that i might never actually get to ejaculate again. The end of May/start of June 2022 could turn out to be last time i ever climaxed in much the same way that it sometime almost a decade and a half ago turned out the last time i will probably ever get to experience the sensation of my cock inside a pussy during my lifetime. Obviously, the pussy in question was Owner's but, since then, it has become clear She is unlikely to ever let me inside Her again. i became a born again virgin after that (although it took me a while to realise that that, as they say, was that). Looking back i would not have wanted it any other way. i am still feel extremely happy and sexually fulfilled, i just get my pleasure in a different way.

By 'pleasure' i do not mean sexual arousal from touching or caressing my clit. It, my clit, has long since become as sexually irrelevant to me as it is to Owner.  Even on the rare occasions when it is not locked in chastity the very idea that i might surreptitiously masturbate never even crosses my mind. i have long since stopped touching it that way and the thought of doing so appalls me. 

i do still touch myself, in fact i do so on a quite regular basis, but my touching is confined to caressing my tits or gently spanking my 'labia' plums (i am doing so now as i type). Whenever i do this the background simmer of frustrated sexual arousal that is my everyday lived experience surges in intensity, but never enough to risk boiling over. My clit, meanwhile, remains ignored. Well, by me at least. Owner does still like to occasionally touch or poke it when i am unlocked. She also enjoys torturing it.

Actually, i totally forgot to mention this side of my human sex toy life, namely the pleasure Owner derives from beating, biting, marking and, more recently, electrocuting me. i include this as being an integral part of my sex toy life as it is evident, judging from the moist and aromatic state that Her panties are left in after administering such pain to my naked flesh, that Owner derives some amount of sexual pleasure from treating me this way.  At first She was, i think, a little worried about hurting me. However, She gradually became much, much more emboldened and now enjoys inflicting pain in ways that She knows i struggle to cope with, but learn to i must!

One final comment on my life as Owners human sex toy. Ours is an entirely monogamous relationship. My body exists solely and exclusively for Her alone to use as She pleases and to provide Her with the pleasure She deserves. To date i have, seemingly, fully met Her sexual needs/desires. i recognise, however, that what i can sexually offer is a far, far cry from what a real man would be able to.

Whether my tongue up Her arse will always be enough for Owner i don't know. She is absolutely the centre of my world and i long for nothing more than for Her to experience as much pleasure and happiness in Her life as is possible. My greatest reward in life comes from helping Her experience such pleasure. Nothing else comes remotely close. Were the day ever to arrive when She decided She deserved more than i can sexually offer i would fully understand. i would hate to in anyway come between Her and the pleasure She deserves. My only hope, were such a situation ever to arise, would be that She might continue to also allow me to serve, worship and pleasure Her as best i can.

What about me? Well, i am fully aware that people might read this and conclude that i have lost the plot. What man, and after all i am one even if a very effeminate, pale shadow of one, might gladly have become a born again virgin in their late thirties and now be less than mid-way into their fifties and fully accepting of the possibility that i might never get to orgasm again? Even i, had i met my older self whilst i was still in my twenties, would not believe it possible to be so happy at the prospect of living out the rest of my life like this. But happy i am, more than happy in fact. i love my life with Owner. Adore being used and kept as Her sex toy in the way that i am.

Yes, of course there are times when i get extremely sexually frustrated. Times when all i can think of is to be fucked senseless, left unable to walk or talk, my throat, mouth and face slick with semen. Times when i crave not one but two or more hands forcing their way inside of me, gaping and prolapsing me. Times i fixate on ideas, dark ideas, of public humiliation and degradation, or of being cast out onto the street dressed as the cheapest slut imaginable in order to turn tricks and earn money for Owner. 

But then there are the memories. Memories of burying my face between Owners wonderful butt cheeks and licking out Her delicious anus until it was spotlessly clean. Memories of being served a cascade of amber, fragrant piss that fills my mouth and soaks me. Memories of being sent on stage and made to perform in a dress and suspenders, all the while knowing how easy it must be for the audience to see my little white panties and the small bulge of my secret, my chastity device, nestled underneath. 

Then there is the almost weekly occurrence of presenting at a conference or some other event for work and wondering whether someone in the audience might recognise me as being the same submissive slut whose online pictures they were gawping at or wanking over?

Then too there are those moments when i am kneeling, legs spread, arms out-stretched, waiting for that first impact to land and the explosion of pain that will almost certainly follow. Moments when i get to see myself in the mirror and smile as the person looking back resembles the person i want to be. The many moments when Owner compliments me by telling me what a slut or a whore i am.

All of the above and so, so much more is my life. Not in my wildest, most optimistic, dreams could i ever have imagined it would turn out like this. To have met Owner , be allowed to submit to Her and become, amongst other things, Her human sex toy. It is a life i love. It is one that might not be to everyone's taste but to me. However, little horny old me could not be happier. i get to be a slut and it is all thanks to one amazing woman, my Owner. To get to live my life like that and to also occasionally get to lick out Her arse, well life really does not get any better. And to have become a born again virgin and face the prospect of, perhaps, permanent denial, well that simply serves to make the experience that much more exquisite. There is no happier person in life than an almost constantly aroused, sexually frustrated and denied slut. And that person, dear reader, is me.

Thoughts on Sex, Chastity, Denial and on Qualifying as a Born Again Virgin

In her interesting and thought provoking blog Mistress Scarlet maintains what is described as a Born Again Virgin (BAV) Register. i confess i had not come across the term before. To me references to 'born again' tend to make me immediately assume some sort of religious (or cult as Owner more accurately describes them) connotation and send me fleeing to the sanity of science and reason. Of course, in this context being 'born again' has nothing whatsoever to do with religion. Rather, it means submissive males who will 'never, ever again, for the rest of their lives, be allowed to penetrate a woman' as the description of the register defines the term. They have been returned to a virgin state, they have become 'Born Again Virgins'. 

i realise that this could very easily describe me. It has now been over ten years since i last penetrated Owner with my penis. i very much doubt that i will ever be allowed to do so again. For a while i was allowed to continue to pleasure (and penetrate) Her pussy with my tongue, but that too has changed.  In the past couple of years such an experience has become an increasingly distant memory.  My tongue is still allowed inside Owner, still welcomed by Her, but in one orifice only, Her anus. Just yesterday, for example, i was lucky enough to be be instructed to lick it out, to push my tongue as deep inside Her backside as it would go, whilst She concentrated on bringing Herself to orgasm with Her vibrator. This has become the only remaining way in which i am allowed to penetrate my Owner.

Since taking control of our, or should that more accurately read Her, sex life many years ago i have become Owners' sex toy. One of the first changes, aside from no longer being allowed to initiate sex with Her under any circumstances or orgasm without Her express permission, was that my penis was quickly made redundant. It became apparent from early on that Owner did not need it for Her own sexual pleasure. My efforts with it were a disappointment, just as they have been throughout my life. 

i have previously written about how i first developed performance anxieties as a teenager.  It was the first time i tried to have sex and it was a humiliating disaster. i was completely unable to 'get it up'. The (older) girl i was with then ran out of the room laughing and immediately broadcast the news of my failure to my friends, who were watching a film downstairs. The next day i was the talk of the college and had acquired a new nickname, 'floppy'. It stayed with me throughout my time there. i was mortified.

It was not until University that i eventually lost my virginity but quickly discovered sex to be a less than enjoyable experience. Not only did i have quite a small penis, it also did not seem to work properly. When it did perform it often got over excited and i would find myself apologising to my disappointed partner. No matter what i tried, including doing multiplications in my head to try and stop myself from ejaculating too soon, the result was usually always the same, a quick let down. This led to performance anxieties for the rest of my teens, throughout my twenties and into my thirties.

i attempted a new strategy which was to try and focus instead on orally pleasuring partners, male or female, rather than penetrating them.  It took attention and focus away from my all too unreliable and underwhelming penis and allowed me to instead focus my energies elsewhere. So keen, in fact, was i to avoid attention being paid to my penis that i must have been the only man to have actively discouraged any attention being paid to it, including from blow jobs. i had no desire to receive one and, to this day, have never had one and have no interest whatsoever in ever having one. i was perfectly happy to give someone else one but developed no interest in anyone popping my dicklet into their mouth. Thus, over time what i came to love and enjoy doing sexually had nothing at all to do with my penis and everything to do with my mouth.

Fast forward to Owner taking control and it was not at all surprising to me that She quickly concluded that She could happily live without my dicklet. She took to describing it as my 'clit', a term much more appropriate and befitting of it. Something that might be caressed and rubbed (in the days before chastity) but definitely not something that She needed or desired inside Her. She liked its small size and would, and still does, regularly describe is as being 'cute'. However, it began to perform less and less of sexual function of any kind. Within a few years it was relegated, first to a bit player before being sexually sidelined completely. As i wrote at the start of this post, it has now been over a decade since it last experienced the warm embrace of Owners' pussy. i very much doubt it ever will again. It is abundantly clear that Owner has no need of my clit for Her pleasure. Hence why i realise that i too am a 'born again virgin'

This does not mean though that i do not get to enjoy sex with Owner, quite the opposite. The absence of any penetrative role for my clit greatly enhanced my enjoyment of moments of sexual intimacy with Her. My clit is no longer a source of worry or concern. The performance anxieties that dogged me for almost twenty years before we met are now a dim and distant memory. It is no longer something i get anxious about or need to apologise for as it has simply become an irrelevance. i can relax and instead fully focus on Her and the experience She is gifting me. 

In a strange way the older i get the more i find myself grateful to the girl who humiliated me so much when i was seventeen. i doubt she realised what an impact she might have but her words and actions that night helped, along with a bunch of other stuff, to send me down the path that eventually culminated in my submission to Owner, of Her domination of me and the happiness and contentment i now experience. i understand now that my my clit is pointless and not needed.

Consequently, chastity to me is a most natural state. It reinforces the fact that my clit is irrelevant and physically removes it from the equation when it comes to sex. Locked up i am completely at ease with myself in a way that i never was before. i can focus on Owners' pleasure whilst enjoying the pleasure that She, in turn, permits me to experience. At first we started with 'standard' sized chastity devices but over time these have got smaller and smaller. This is partially due to the fact that smaller devices (as i have said before) are actually more comfortable. But there is also something else at play as well. The smaller the cage the more obviously pointless my clit is. To me it no longer serves any sexual function or purpose. The smaller the size the more obviously pointless it becomes. If i could physically shrink my clit to the size of my thumbnail i would, but i cannot. However, the cage does that for me. It cannot expand beyond that size no matter how aroused i might get. It is now physically so small as to be completely inconsequential, redundant.

The tiny size of the chastity cage means that all that remains on display (aside obviously from my pussy) are my testicles, otherwise known by Owner as my plums. These too are defective. One, the right one, never grew and remains small and almost pre-pubescent. As a teenager my mum kept asking me if it had developed yet and whether i ought to get it checked, it didn't and i never did. i doubt it functions at all, it certainly never seems to change shape or size. Only the left one is normal. It hangs lower and bulges big and tight when aroused then aches for hours, sometimes days afterwards when i have been left horny but denied. It is a lovely sensation that reminds me of my place and of my submission to Owner.

A few years into our new Femdom relationship Owner discovered that She could make me orgasm simply by beating my plums hard, especially repeatedly striking the bigger left one. Spanking them hard with Her hand, or with a wooden spoon or even a crop or cane is an incredibly uncomfortable experience at first. It is painful and i squirm like mad, often needing to be physically restrained. However, when struck this way over a sustained period of time something amazing happens. What started out as pure pain morphs into pleasure. An indescribably intense pleasure. If She continues to beat them the outcome is an orgasm quite unlike any other in intensity.  i am naturally, quite quiet in bed (Owner encourages me to be more vocal) but when i orgasm from being beaten this way i howl. i cannot think or act straight for hours. This is now about the only way i am ever allowed to orgasm, by having one beaten out of me. 

The downside though is that orgasms of any type have a negative affect on my submission to Owner, resulting in reductions in my general performance. i am not talking sexual performance but in the routine and daily chores i need and am rightly expected to undertake. In short, orgasms are not good for me. As a result, as time has passed Owner has noticeably reduced the number and frequency of orgasms She permits me to have and i really welcome this as i think it helps me to be a much better submissive and wife for Her.  Instead, She now seems to just to beat my plums a little, just enough to leave me aching and yearning for more but not too much that i might experience an overload of pleasure and orgasm. Instead, i am left highly aroused yet frustrated and denied with aching, throbbing plums and a new resolve to serve my Owner even better, to pleasure Her even more.  In the past two years i have been permitted just four orgasms, each of which occurred in the first two thirds of last year. By the time i was granted the fourth orgasm my performance had degraded significantly. The housework was not getting done and i was a shadow of the wife that Owner deserves. i hit quite a low point. Owner was unhappy with me and i was unhappy with myself.

However, things have since greatly improved. It has now been well over four months since my last orgasm and i am much happier and my performance and behaviour are, i think, unrecognisable from the low point i had reached last autumn.  Owner still sexually treats and pleasures me permitting me to lick out Her anus as She climaxes with Her vibrator, as She did again yesterday. She also fondles and caresses me, beats me and bites me all of which make me highly aroused. She caresses and twists my nipples, strokes the entrance to my pussy and occasionally fucks me or stretches me with Her hand or toys. i love this, being entered or stretched open up by Her is one of my greatest thrills. However, She is careful to restrict the sexual pleasure that i might experience. Instead leaving me aroused and excited, desperate for more.

She has not permitted me to orgasm since we went to Wales on our autumn holiday and i can honestly say that i am a much happier and better person and submissive for that. i long to stay kept denied. To me it makes me a better person. i still get to experience pleasure. The pleasure of being left aroused but frustrated is indescribable. But it does not reduce my performance as Her wife and submissive in the way that being allowed to orgasm does. In the same way that, without ever once declaring it, Owner has seen to it that my clit has become totally sexually redundant so too are my orgasms becoming increasingly redundant too.  They are already far more strictly rationed and controlled than i ever could have imagined and i am grateful to Owner for that. 

That is not to say that i do not still seek my own sexual pleasure. Of course i do, i am human. Instead, i have realised that i am happiest and at my best when given a taste of pleasure that is left unfulfilled. Just as i still love it when, on the rare occasions when i am unlocked, Owner will rub Her sex against my clit, knowing that however much She rubs Herself against it, however much i can feel Her wetness so close, i will not be allowed to enter Her. So too i still crave being aroused by Her, love to be spanked hard, have my pussy caressed and fucked by Her, have my always sensitive nipples left hard and stiff by Her touch. i love being driven crazy by desire by Her scent, Her taste, adore being smothered by Her, suffocated by Her as i lie between Her legs, feverishly tonguing and tasting Her as though my life depended upon it. All of these i love and adore, they drive me wild with desire. i live for the sound and feel of Owners orgasm, the quivering of Her sphincter muscles against my tongue, Her thighs gripping and crushing my head, the sound of Her pleasure. Knowing that She is experiencing such pleasure makes me the happiest person in the world. But what makes me happier still. What makes me most contented. What makes me love my life as Her submissive, slutty wife. What makes me truly grateful to Her for training and nurturing me as She has. What makes me most thankful for being as incredibly lucky as i was to have met someone like Her. What makes me more excited every day about our life together. What, quite frankly, leaves me horny and aroused most days, is being kept denied by Her.

It is, i know, a very strange and perhaps incomprehensible thing to say. But i am and will always be eternally grateful to my Owner for every minute of every day that i am denied the ability or right to orgasm. i love my life as Her submissive, slutty wife. i love that She uses me as Her sex toy. Love that She bites and beats me. Love that She has taught me how pointless my clit is. Does this mean that i too am a Born Again Virgin in the manner Mistress Scarlett's blog describes? Perhaps. It was never planned, it just evolved organically that way as so many things have done with Owner. But i love and, most importantly, enjoy the intimacy we share and am thrilled to be kept denied by Her. i could want for nothing better in this world.