Let's Talk About Sex

i was, by my own admission, a little on the cranky side earlier today. No particular reason, i was just feeling a little 'off'. Owner and i had planned to have a wander around the houses of some local artists as part of a local artists open house weekend (we did eventually get to visit a few later on). However, hearing my confession of feeling cranky She suggested we instead have a drink outside a local bar and people watch, one of our favourite activities and a sure fire way to lift my mood.

Anyway, we were sat gossiping about, and commenting on, people passing by when Owner turned the subject to sex, specifically a desire on Her part to start scheduling regular sessions for me to pleasure Her and for Her to torment me (She mentioned more than once how She wanted to electrocute me!)  She is going to start timetabling specific dates and times when She wants Her sex toy (me) to be available for Her pleasure and entertainment as She feels that sometimes She gets preoccupied doing other things and that putting times into Her diary would ensure She gets the sexual satisfaction She rightly deserves. i said that i would obviously be delighted to give Her pleasure whenever She wants, to which She replied that She knew i would be happy and that one of the things She loves about me is that i always do what She wants.

i then confessed that i did, however, sometimes worry that i couldn't really pleasure Her as a man might and that if She ever wanted to find a man who could give Her sexual pleasure in ways i cannot then i would totally understand. Owner confirmed that She knew She could have sex with another man if She so desired (which was reassuring to me) but that She is not currently seeking one to have sex with. i also learnt that, during their recent girls trip to Rome, She confided to Her best friend that ours was a relationship in which if Owner wanted to have sex with another man then She could. Something Her fiend was quite envious of as she worried what impact her doing so would have on her own relationship whereas Owner knew i would be ok with it.

Now, on one level this conversation should have come as no surprise to me as i will often tell Owner that even were She to get into a relationship with another person i would hope that She would continue to let me submit to Her. However, for Her to have said that She knows She is free to have sex with another man if She wants and for Her girlfriend to know that too felt like a significant little moment in our relationship. i am not a cuckold but we both know, as now does Her best friend, that Owner is free to cuckold me should She ever want to. Even though Owner says She currently has no such desire this does feel like an important moment in Her domination of me and my submission to Her. 

It was a conversation that left me feeling even more in love with Owner than i thought possible. i love the fact that She knows She can seek pleasure from another should She ever want to and that i always still be there for Her - to serve, obey and pleasure Her.

Needless to say my crankiness had completely disappeared by the time we left the bar a few hours later and i was feeling much more cheerful (and not just because of the pink ciders i had drunk). We even managed to get to visit a few of the artists studios as well.

We're Back - and a Milestone Passed

Owner and i are, sadly, back from our trip to South West Finland. We both had a wonderful time and would thoroughly recommend that part of the world to anyone looking for a holiday. The archipelago is stunning with its thousands of islands, only a small fraction of which are inhabited. There are also lots of gorgeous little beaches and woodlands/forests to walk through and bogs to traverse (mostly on wooden planks thankfully). There is also the lovely city of Turku to explore together with the fabulous old wooden houses in Rauma further up the coast (see images further down).

Owner left the holiday planning to me this time and congratulated me on my choice of holiday location and accommodation. i was a little anxious as normally it is Her that chooses and arranges such things but at the time She was going through a stressful period as She was changing jobs and so instructed me to make all the arrangements. i was relieved when She expressed Herself to be more than satisfied with the place i had chosen.

By the time it finally came for us to head off on our holidays i too was really quite stressed, a combination of trying to sort things out helping my elderly father move home and sort out all of his affairs (he has dementia), together with a busy and pressurised period at work. As a result of this Owner decided that i needed a complete rest and so whilst we were away i was excused from doing chores. She did all the cooking, relegating me to simply doing breakfast and cleaning dishes after meals and the driving. We actually clocked up fewer kilometers than we often do on our holidays with the hire car clocking in at a little shy of 1,500km traveled over the 14 day period. i was also even allowed a few drinks whilst we were away, although obviously not when driving, and even got to choose what to order from a restaurant menu rather than have Owner decide for me. In short, She was still in charge but decided to give me a lot more freedom than i would normally expect.  

Whilst we were away Owner commented how nice it would be if She were to have a younger sub who could do all the in-holiday cooking and the driving for us allowing us both a bit of downtime. Obviously, that person would need to cover their own expenses, even better would be for them to pay for the privilege of being with us! So, if anyone is reading this and thinks they'd make a good candidate as Owner's submissive assistant then please do drop me a line.

Anyway, back to our time away. Owner made clear that my 'time off' was strictly time limited and that too much of it would undo any of the good that a bit of R&R might achieve. i would be expected to resume my duties on our return. In truth, i also found that i missed my routines and chores. There is something therapeutic about doing them. i also missed the control i normally feel Owner exerting over me on a daily basis. Of course it was still in place but Her 'leash' was a lot less tight that it normally is.

Now that we have returned i am back to my usual routines and chores. In a way it is like slipping on a pair of comfortable shoes. It feels familiar and 'right'. The holiday was wonderful but, as Owner pointed out, too much relaxation is not good for me at all.

We returned late Saturday. The following day, Sunday, saw the passing of a little milestone in my life. Yes, yesterday Sunday 4th April 2023 was exactly one year, 365 days since i last had an orgasm of any type, accidental or forced, ruined or non-ruined. That last orgasm having occurred on the same date in 2022. No semen has leaked or shot out of my little caged clit since and i am all the hornier and happier for that fact.

i suspect a good many readers will struggle with the idea that being kept denied like this is something to aspire to but for me it definitely is the case. i love the mental state this leaves me in. The constant, low level, ache for a release that never comes. My orgasmic desires have gone. Even when released from my cage for cleaning i feel no desire at all to touch or play with my clit. My chastity device is not there as a means of preventing me from masturbating as that would not happen even were it not in place.  Rather, to me it serves a psychological and practical purpose and function. It reinforces the point that my clit serves no sexual function or purpose, either to me or to Owner. It has not been inside Her pussy for almost fifteen years and i cannot now imagine a future circumstance in which it ever might be so allowed again. In effect, i became a born again virgin in my late thirties.

Owner used to permit me to cum quite often. Sometimes i would just get over excited and frantically ask Her if i might be allowed to, to which She would invariably say yes. Other times She would quite deliberately make me cum with Her hand, pumping my little swollen appendage until it popped. Then one day She discovered that if She beat me hard on my 'labia plums' She could make me climax in a manner quite unlike anything i had experienced before. The experience was so overwhelmingly intense (going from acute pain to acute pleasure) that i would literally howl as i exploded. Owner began to restrict how i orgasmed to using this method alone. At the same time She also used such experiences to reinforce my status as Her slut, telling me loudly and repeatedly what a whore i was and to cum like a whore as She beat one earth-shattering climax after another out of me. Such occasions served to further my growth and development as Her slut wife by teaching me to behave like a whore. It also led me to acquire even more of a taste for semen that i already had as She would scoop up my resultant mess and feed it to me after each orgasmic explosion. And i created a LOT of mess.

Such spectacular releases were, from my perspective, wonderful to experience in the moment but always then led to an inevitable drop in my performance as Her submissive. They also always left me feeling a little disappointed that i had climaxed. Part of me longed to be left horny, frustrated and denied. i have always felt that my own orgasm serves only to distract me from my true purpose, namely to pleasure Owner. For Her part i believe Owner enjoyed making me climax this way and seeing what a whore She could make me become. However, it also gradually became apparent that so successful had this 'training' been that this behavior could be coaxed from me without the accompanying sexual 'motivation'. i slowly became more 'whore-like' whenever She wanted me to as i overcame my inhibitions and shyness and learnt to embrace the slut She expected of me, and which deep-down i truly am.

It no longer required me to climax hard in order for me to connect with the slut i am.  i developed, evolved and grew into behaving like a slut without the need for accompanying orgasmic 'highs' to unlock that side of me.

i have now been developed and trained by Owner to a point where the absence an orgasm of any type for a full year seems like the logical next step in my progression as Her sex toy and slut wife. i have no desire to have an orgasm and it now feels quite natural that i should not have been granted any this past year. Of course i still get horny, my 'natural state' is actually one in which i feel almost constantly semi-aroused. My breasts and nipples have become increasingly  sensitive and love to be touched and caressed as too do my labia plums.  My 'pussy' also opens up at the slightest touch or caress and loves nothing more than to be stretched wide and stuffed deep. 

For Her part Owner regularly fondles, gropes and caresses my buttocks and strokes the entrance of my pussy or grabs and squeezes my labia plums. The nipple chain She got me also leaves my tits in a state of constant, swollen arousal and She will often touch or caress them. When She uses me for sex She still touches, beats and caresses me in a way that gets my clit excited and aroused but now She does so only to tease and excite, not to make or force me to cum. Whenever it looks like i might start enjoying myself a little too much She stops and ensures that my focus and sexual energies are on Her and not myself.

Perhaps i have also already experienced my last ever orgasm? It is something i have long fantasised about and, to an extent, craved. To be kept permanently denied until the day i die. After all, my sole sexual purpose is to pleasure Owner in a manner of Her choosing and to be Her human sex toy.

i have no idea whether or not Owner will make me cum again. She might do but then equally, She might not. All i do know is that i have come to realise that the longer i am kept denied the happier and the better person i become. Just as i love my born again virgin, cock-less, chaste, feminised, slut self so too do i have i come to realise that the longer i go without experiencing an orgasm the more wonderfully, frustratedly aroused i become. To be kept in such a state by Owner is a true privilege. i am a very lucky slutty wife indeed!

Anyway, as promised some pics from the last days of our trip to Finland 

Rauma church

Rauma old town

Owner leading the way

Hello Sweden and Thoughts on Orgasm Denial and Sexual Pleasure

No, the blog post does not mean that Owner and i are away visiting Scandinavia, sadly...though we hope to be again soon. Instead, it reflects a curious change in visitor traffic to this blog.

Usually, these blog posts attract a pretty steady and fairly low volume of page views. Sometimes higher, sometimes lower, fluctuating a little depending on content and sometimes for no apparent reason at all. However, there has been a sudden and dramatic surge in views for some of my recent posts. We are talking more than three times the average page views the blog normally receives, albeit from an admittedly relatively low base. What is curious, however, is that the blogger analytics tells me that all these new views are coming from one country in particular....Sweden.

So, hej sverige jag och välkommen till den här bloggen (if that doesn't say 'hello Sweden and welcome to this blog' then blame google translate!)

In other news, we had our aircon installed in the flat yesterday, just in time for the heatwave in London to break. Still, Owner is especially delighted that She now has a cool sanctuary to hide out in whenever it gets too hot again. One of the first things that She said to me after it had been installed was that She:

'Did not want to find me standing in front of the aircon caressing my erect nipples in the cold breeze!'

Honestly, She knows me too well! Of course that was one of the first things that crossed my mind. It is true that i can sometimes be found idly caressing my nipples, i love to touch/be touched there. 

Talking of touching, each night before i drift off to sleep Owner caresses my my buttocks and pussy - ostensibly to 'check my temperature' - She always maintains that i have a cold backside. It is a lovely way to fall asleep, Her fingers touching and stroking my derriere. For my part i love to bury my face in Her chest, though of course nothing in the world beats those occasions when i am permitted to bury my tongue between Her wonderful cheeks.

The eagle eyed of you may also have noticed that it is now almost 100 days (98 at the time of writing to be precise) since i had my last orgasm. i have had just one orgasm to date this year. Last year i had four but the year before that i had no orgasms at all. i sincerely believe that being kept denied is good for me. In fact, i have grown so accustomed to expecting not to be allowed to orgasm that, on the very rare occasions when i am permitted to do so, any fleeting orgasmic high is tempered by feelings of  disappointment. Orgasmic denial (together with being kept in long-term chastity) is, to me at least, a sign of my devotion and complete submission to Owner. 

So strong, in fact is this sense of denial being manifestation of my love and total surrender to Her control that, even on the odd occasions when i am allowed out of chastity, it does not ever cross my mind to masturbate. To do so would feel like a betrayal. Owner is the centre of my world, the one to whom i have submitted completely and who controls all aspects of my life. Orgasmic denial is one of the ways in which i try to demonstrate my total submission to Her. My clit is Hers, not mine. 

When Owner chooses to make me cum it is because She decides this for me, it is never, ever sought by me. My default state has, over the years, come to be one of orgasmic denial. Left to my own devices i would never orgasm again, would remain locked forever. It would be a small sacrifice to make for the honour of demonstrating my eternal submission and surrender to Her.

To me, to be kept in a state of permanent orgasm denial for the rest of my life would be an honour. 

i have already learnt never to expect to be allowed to put my clitty inside of Owner again. It has been about a dozen years since that last happened. She has no need of it, Her toys, my face and my tongue provide for Her needs. My clitty has long since been sexually redundant. Even when Owner does make me orgasm my clit rarely plays any part. Owner learnt years ago that She could make me orgasm by beating my testicles - or labia. It fast became Her preferred, then only, way to make me ejaculate. It hurts, i howl. Like a slut She says. Nowadays when She beats and strikes them Owner stops before the pleasure overwhelms the pain, ensuring that i do not cum.

So my clit has become entirely redundant. It is already quite small, always has been. However, i now have a recurrent fantasy, a daydream, where Owner arranges to have it shrunk, shrunk down to the size of my little toe. A pointless, useless little nub (with a teeny, tiny cage over it). In my fantasy my testes/labia remain - suspended invitingly below my pointless clit for Owner to strike and beat at will. 

What then of pleasure? Do i not still crave pleasure? Of course i do but my pleasure centres have shifted. My nipples and my 'pussy' have become my primary sources of arousal. i will sit or stand and idly caress my tits like a slut, and as for my pussy - it loves to be stretched, craves to be opened up, loves to be fucked by Owner. i really have become a size whore.

But real pleasure? Real pleasure, true pleasure for me is not to be had through my own experience. Much as i may adore being fucked and fucked hard by Owner that to me is not real pleasure. No, real pleasure, the kind that really makes my heart and soul sing, is to be had when i can feel Her flesh quiver, Her muscles spasm, Her thighs clench tight as She climaxes with my tongue pleasuring Her anus. That is my personal heaven. My nirvana. One moment like that is more pleasurable, more exciting, more thrilling than any transient moment i might experience. To me, true pleasure is to be found in bringing Owner pleasure.

Thoughts on Sex, Chastity, Denial and on Qualifying as a Born Again Virgin

In her interesting and thought provoking blog Mistress Scarlet maintains what is described as a Born Again Virgin (BAV) Register. i confess i had not come across the term before. To me references to 'born again' tend to make me immediately assume some sort of religious (or cult as Owner more accurately describes them) connotation and send me fleeing to the sanity of science and reason. Of course, in this context being 'born again' has nothing whatsoever to do with religion. Rather, it means submissive males who will 'never, ever again, for the rest of their lives, be allowed to penetrate a woman' as the description of the register defines the term. They have been returned to a virgin state, they have become 'Born Again Virgins'. 

i realise that this could very easily describe me. It has now been over ten years since i last penetrated Owner with my penis. i very much doubt that i will ever be allowed to do so again. For a while i was allowed to continue to pleasure (and penetrate) Her pussy with my tongue, but that too has changed.  In the past couple of years such an experience has become an increasingly distant memory.  My tongue is still allowed inside Owner, still welcomed by Her, but in one orifice only, Her anus. Just yesterday, for example, i was lucky enough to be be instructed to lick it out, to push my tongue as deep inside Her backside as it would go, whilst She concentrated on bringing Herself to orgasm with Her vibrator. This has become the only remaining way in which i am allowed to penetrate my Owner.

Since taking control of our, or should that more accurately read Her, sex life many years ago i have become Owners' sex toy. One of the first changes, aside from no longer being allowed to initiate sex with Her under any circumstances or orgasm without Her express permission, was that my penis was quickly made redundant. It became apparent from early on that Owner did not need it for Her own sexual pleasure. My efforts with it were a disappointment, just as they have been throughout my life. 

i have previously written about how i first developed performance anxieties as a teenager.  It was the first time i tried to have sex and it was a humiliating disaster. i was completely unable to 'get it up'. The (older) girl i was with then ran out of the room laughing and immediately broadcast the news of my failure to my friends, who were watching a film downstairs. The next day i was the talk of the college and had acquired a new nickname, 'floppy'. It stayed with me throughout my time there. i was mortified.

It was not until University that i eventually lost my virginity but quickly discovered sex to be a less than enjoyable experience. Not only did i have quite a small penis, it also did not seem to work properly. When it did perform it often got over excited and i would find myself apologising to my disappointed partner. No matter what i tried, including doing multiplications in my head to try and stop myself from ejaculating too soon, the result was usually always the same, a quick let down. This led to performance anxieties for the rest of my teens, throughout my twenties and into my thirties.

i attempted a new strategy which was to try and focus instead on orally pleasuring partners, male or female, rather than penetrating them.  It took attention and focus away from my all too unreliable and underwhelming penis and allowed me to instead focus my energies elsewhere. So keen, in fact, was i to avoid attention being paid to my penis that i must have been the only man to have actively discouraged any attention being paid to it, including from blow jobs. i had no desire to receive one and, to this day, have never had one and have no interest whatsoever in ever having one. i was perfectly happy to give someone else one but developed no interest in anyone popping my dicklet into their mouth. Thus, over time what i came to love and enjoy doing sexually had nothing at all to do with my penis and everything to do with my mouth.

Fast forward to Owner taking control and it was not at all surprising to me that She quickly concluded that She could happily live without my dicklet. She took to describing it as my 'clit', a term much more appropriate and befitting of it. Something that might be caressed and rubbed (in the days before chastity) but definitely not something that She needed or desired inside Her. She liked its small size and would, and still does, regularly describe is as being 'cute'. However, it began to perform less and less of sexual function of any kind. Within a few years it was relegated, first to a bit player before being sexually sidelined completely. As i wrote at the start of this post, it has now been over a decade since it last experienced the warm embrace of Owners' pussy. i very much doubt it ever will again. It is abundantly clear that Owner has no need of my clit for Her pleasure. Hence why i realise that i too am a 'born again virgin'

This does not mean though that i do not get to enjoy sex with Owner, quite the opposite. The absence of any penetrative role for my clit greatly enhanced my enjoyment of moments of sexual intimacy with Her. My clit is no longer a source of worry or concern. The performance anxieties that dogged me for almost twenty years before we met are now a dim and distant memory. It is no longer something i get anxious about or need to apologise for as it has simply become an irrelevance. i can relax and instead fully focus on Her and the experience She is gifting me. 

In a strange way the older i get the more i find myself grateful to the girl who humiliated me so much when i was seventeen. i doubt she realised what an impact she might have but her words and actions that night helped, along with a bunch of other stuff, to send me down the path that eventually culminated in my submission to Owner, of Her domination of me and the happiness and contentment i now experience. i understand now that my my clit is pointless and not needed.

Consequently, chastity to me is a most natural state. It reinforces the fact that my clit is irrelevant and physically removes it from the equation when it comes to sex. Locked up i am completely at ease with myself in a way that i never was before. i can focus on Owners' pleasure whilst enjoying the pleasure that She, in turn, permits me to experience. At first we started with 'standard' sized chastity devices but over time these have got smaller and smaller. This is partially due to the fact that smaller devices (as i have said before) are actually more comfortable. But there is also something else at play as well. The smaller the cage the more obviously pointless my clit is. To me it no longer serves any sexual function or purpose. The smaller the size the more obviously pointless it becomes. If i could physically shrink my clit to the size of my thumbnail i would, but i cannot. However, the cage does that for me. It cannot expand beyond that size no matter how aroused i might get. It is now physically so small as to be completely inconsequential, redundant.

The tiny size of the chastity cage means that all that remains on display (aside obviously from my pussy) are my testicles, otherwise known by Owner as my plums. These too are defective. One, the right one, never grew and remains small and almost pre-pubescent. As a teenager my mum kept asking me if it had developed yet and whether i ought to get it checked, it didn't and i never did. i doubt it functions at all, it certainly never seems to change shape or size. Only the left one is normal. It hangs lower and bulges big and tight when aroused then aches for hours, sometimes days afterwards when i have been left horny but denied. It is a lovely sensation that reminds me of my place and of my submission to Owner.

A few years into our new Femdom relationship Owner discovered that She could make me orgasm simply by beating my plums hard, especially repeatedly striking the bigger left one. Spanking them hard with Her hand, or with a wooden spoon or even a crop or cane is an incredibly uncomfortable experience at first. It is painful and i squirm like mad, often needing to be physically restrained. However, when struck this way over a sustained period of time something amazing happens. What started out as pure pain morphs into pleasure. An indescribably intense pleasure. If She continues to beat them the outcome is an orgasm quite unlike any other in intensity.  i am naturally, quite quiet in bed (Owner encourages me to be more vocal) but when i orgasm from being beaten this way i howl. i cannot think or act straight for hours. This is now about the only way i am ever allowed to orgasm, by having one beaten out of me. 

The downside though is that orgasms of any type have a negative affect on my submission to Owner, resulting in reductions in my general performance. i am not talking sexual performance but in the routine and daily chores i need and am rightly expected to undertake. In short, orgasms are not good for me. As a result, as time has passed Owner has noticeably reduced the number and frequency of orgasms She permits me to have and i really welcome this as i think it helps me to be a much better submissive and wife for Her.  Instead, She now seems to just to beat my plums a little, just enough to leave me aching and yearning for more but not too much that i might experience an overload of pleasure and orgasm. Instead, i am left highly aroused yet frustrated and denied with aching, throbbing plums and a new resolve to serve my Owner even better, to pleasure Her even more.  In the past two years i have been permitted just four orgasms, each of which occurred in the first two thirds of last year. By the time i was granted the fourth orgasm my performance had degraded significantly. The housework was not getting done and i was a shadow of the wife that Owner deserves. i hit quite a low point. Owner was unhappy with me and i was unhappy with myself.

However, things have since greatly improved. It has now been well over four months since my last orgasm and i am much happier and my performance and behaviour are, i think, unrecognisable from the low point i had reached last autumn.  Owner still sexually treats and pleasures me permitting me to lick out Her anus as She climaxes with Her vibrator, as She did again yesterday. She also fondles and caresses me, beats me and bites me all of which make me highly aroused. She caresses and twists my nipples, strokes the entrance to my pussy and occasionally fucks me or stretches me with Her hand or toys. i love this, being entered or stretched open up by Her is one of my greatest thrills. However, She is careful to restrict the sexual pleasure that i might experience. Instead leaving me aroused and excited, desperate for more.

She has not permitted me to orgasm since we went to Wales on our autumn holiday and i can honestly say that i am a much happier and better person and submissive for that. i long to stay kept denied. To me it makes me a better person. i still get to experience pleasure. The pleasure of being left aroused but frustrated is indescribable. But it does not reduce my performance as Her wife and submissive in the way that being allowed to orgasm does. In the same way that, without ever once declaring it, Owner has seen to it that my clit has become totally sexually redundant so too are my orgasms becoming increasingly redundant too.  They are already far more strictly rationed and controlled than i ever could have imagined and i am grateful to Owner for that. 

That is not to say that i do not still seek my own sexual pleasure. Of course i do, i am human. Instead, i have realised that i am happiest and at my best when given a taste of pleasure that is left unfulfilled. Just as i still love it when, on the rare occasions when i am unlocked, Owner will rub Her sex against my clit, knowing that however much She rubs Herself against it, however much i can feel Her wetness so close, i will not be allowed to enter Her. So too i still crave being aroused by Her, love to be spanked hard, have my pussy caressed and fucked by Her, have my always sensitive nipples left hard and stiff by Her touch. i love being driven crazy by desire by Her scent, Her taste, adore being smothered by Her, suffocated by Her as i lie between Her legs, feverishly tonguing and tasting Her as though my life depended upon it. All of these i love and adore, they drive me wild with desire. i live for the sound and feel of Owners orgasm, the quivering of Her sphincter muscles against my tongue, Her thighs gripping and crushing my head, the sound of Her pleasure. Knowing that She is experiencing such pleasure makes me the happiest person in the world. But what makes me happier still. What makes me most contented. What makes me love my life as Her submissive, slutty wife. What makes me truly grateful to Her for training and nurturing me as She has. What makes me most thankful for being as incredibly lucky as i was to have met someone like Her. What makes me more excited every day about our life together. What, quite frankly, leaves me horny and aroused most days, is being kept denied by Her.

It is, i know, a very strange and perhaps incomprehensible thing to say. But i am and will always be eternally grateful to my Owner for every minute of every day that i am denied the ability or right to orgasm. i love my life as Her submissive, slutty wife. i love that She uses me as Her sex toy. Love that She bites and beats me. Love that She has taught me how pointless my clit is. Does this mean that i too am a Born Again Virgin in the manner Mistress Scarlett's blog describes? Perhaps. It was never planned, it just evolved organically that way as so many things have done with Owner. But i love and, most importantly, enjoy the intimacy we share and am thrilled to be kept denied by Her. i could want for nothing better in this world.

My Sextoy Life

Let's talk about sex.

One aspect of my relationship with Owner is that She has, for a long-time, regarded me as being Her sex toy. That is to say that sexually my body exists for Her pleasure, not mine. At first this began as a 'rule' that i was never, under any circumstances, to initiate sex with Her. At the time we still had what one might call a 'conventional' sex life i.e. penetrative sex.

Then after a while it became apparent that sexually Owner did not need my clit inside Her for Her to experience pleasure. It became, in effect, redundant. The last time it was inside Her pussy was over a decade ago. She would still grind Herself against it or make use of my tongue but it was clear She did not need it inside me and so inside Her it did not go. Our roles also reversed, She started to fuck me, something i came to greatly enjoy. But, i no longer fucked Her.

Owner still permitted me to cum. She would tease me and pleasure me with Her hands. She allowed me to cum but only if had Her permission to do so. She also taught me to lick up my 'mess' afterwards and i grew to enjoy the taste of my own semen. Sometime later Owner discovered She could make me cum by spanking, slapping or caning my testicles. Such releses were painful but powerful as She hit hard. My orgasms became fewer but more intense and more vocal. Owner encouraged me to vocalise what a slut and whore i was as She beat an orgasm out of me.

Such orgasms as i was permitted in this manner only happened after She had first been pleasured. That was important. Not only was i never to initiate sex but Owner also expected my focus to be on Her. She regarded my body as Her sex toy. It's primary purpose was Her pleasure. Yes She would sometimes 'reward' me with an orgasm of my own but i was being taught to derive my pleasure from giving Her pleasure.

Under Her direction my sexual role centred increasingly on Her anus. Specifically on licking and probing it with my tongue whilst She concentrated on pleasuring Herself with Her vibrator. i love licking and tasting Owners' backside and She seems to enjoy having my tongue pleasure Her. Sometimes She simply rolls onto Her side to indicate that She expects me to worship Her, other times She will climb astride my face and ride my tongue.

Fast forward to today and my sexual role is solely that of being Owners' sex toy. i have not had an orgasm for 15 months. Owner does still sometimes beat and tease my clit (whether locked or not) but never to the point where i might be close to cumming. My role is now solely to orally service Her anus or to provide a body for Her to grind Herself against whensoever She should so feel like it. i have become Her sextoy, albeit one which She will, on occasion, fuck. Meanwhile i am now kept in a state of perhaps permanent orgasm denial (i have no idea whether i will ever be allowed to orgasm again). It is to me a fitting reminder of my sexual purpose in our relationship.

However, it is not a solely one-sided existence. Although i no longer get to cum i do get to experience great pleasure, satisfaction and enjoyment. i love, adore and relish opportunities to worship Owners' anus. It drives me deliriously insane. Being kept in a state of long-term/perhaps permanent orgasm denial (often but not always accompanied by being physically kept in chastity)has also considerably heightened my own state of sexual arousal. The smallest thing can and does excite me and my nipples are almost constantly erect and are very easily aroused. My biggest sexual organ, my brain, has probably had more fun this past year and a bit than at any time in my life. It's weird and difficult to explain, although i know from reading blogs by people kept similarly denied my experience is far from unique.

Owner will also on occasion, surprise and reward me with a new sextoy to be used on me. Last weekend was one such time. One thing i really enjoy is having my 'pussy' stretched and Owner also likes it to be kept nice and accomodating for Her if She wants to take it. Last Sunday Owner ordered a new ball gag and a pretty new butt plug for me from a company She found online called Godemiche which makes gags, plugs and dildos in a range of different colours that you can mix and match to customise. She ordered a large pink and pearl coloured plug for me together with a glittery purple gag.i cannot wait for both items to arrive!

O's for Owner

Yesterday Owner and i went into town to do a bit of last minute Xmas shopping, mother if you are reading this you are getting a pair of lined leather gloves. The area around Oxford Street was heaving with people, an almost solid wall of humanity, and so we escaped to one of the pubs we know down a side street. Owner had made a reservation earlier for the two for dinner to have dinner so we planned to have a couple of drinks then head to our meal. However, not long after arriving in the pub Owner started to feel unwell and so we went home and i cooked dinner instead. Then we spent the evening watching a couple of programmes on the iPlayer. Not quite the evening we had planned but a very relaxing one nonetheless.

This morning Owner appeared to have got Her mojo back for She woke me up by gently caressing my nipples through the lace fabric of my baby doll nightie. My nipples are like bullets at the best of times these days and are deliciously sensitive to the touch and Owner's caresses quickly brought them to full attention. Owner continued to caress them then had me strip off out of the baby doll whilst She in turn removed Her knickers which She then placed over my head, ensuring the aromatic gusset was positioned right under my nose.

Owner then switched Her attention to my chastised clit, which was now quite swollen inside its' cage. She began to spank and beat my testes and then bent down and took them into Her mouth, sucking and biting on them before spanking them again. Needless to say this felt both painful and heavenly at the same time, though gradually the pleasure overtook the pain. However, no sooner had i started to become fully aroused when Owner stopped and took out Her vibrator from it place in Her bedside cabinet. Lying on Her side, Her back towards me, and with one leg bent She then placed the vibrator against Her sex and began to pleasure Herself with it. i immediately took this as my cue to get to work with my tongue on Her anus and so with Her vibrator buzzing away next to my left ear my tongue worked its' way inside Her and then began to slide in and out of Her backside. i was able to reach one of Her breasts with my free hand and so squeezed and caressed Her flesh whilst my tongue probed deeper inside Her delicious derriere. Shortly i felt the telltale quiver of Her sphincter muscles and so i pushed deeper still inside Her as she came.

Owners' anus tastes divine and i love opportunities to lick and probe and explore inside Her lick this and so i was thrilled when She continued to pleasure Herself with Her vibrator and continued to accept the presence of my tongue inside Her. And so we continued, Her vibrator purring away and my tongue buried in as far as i could stretch as Owner took Her pleasure again.

Later we lay spooning together in bed, arms wrapped around each other. It was a wonderful way to start the day. i adore providing pleasure this way to Owner. i was left in denial again but very happy for being left so, with a throbbing clit, nipples like bullets and the taste of Owner on my palette and Her scent in my lungs i eventually got out of bed to make us both breakfast to start the day.

Full Term...And Beyond

We have just marked a bit of a milestone, it has now been over nine months since i last had an orgasm. It is not that i have not enjoyed any moments of sexual pleasure in that time, quite the opposite.  i have had the privilege of being able to feast on Owners' delicious derrier. i have been smothered by Her as She has ridden my face to orgasm. She has ground Herself against my body as She has brought Herself off. i have eagerly sucked Her vibrator clean after it was slick with Her juices. i have worshipped Her breasts and fellated Her 'cock'. She has fucked me with Her strapon and my swollen 'plums' have been spanked and slapped until they throbbed hard...for hours, sometimes days. However, not once have i been allowed to cum. Instead i have been granted the opportunity to experience the delirium of desire that comes from being kept denied for days upon days, month after month. And i am extremely grateful.

Owner has always been clear. My body is there for Her pleasure alone. Sex will only ever be initiated by Her and will always be on Her terms. My role is to please and pleasure Her whenever She should desire that i do so. In the past though She used to let me cum, it was always on Her terms.

However, the number and frequency of my orgasms has declined over time as Her expectations grew that my role was to pleasure Her.  Orgasms when they came were always combined with pain and came tinged with disappointment. Those orgasms i was permitted were mostly beaten out of me, they were achieved through Owner spanking my testes... hard. Orgasm via the sweet ecstasy of pain. They were amazing. Until meeting Owner i never knew you could cum that way or quite how fucking good to be beaten that way feels. i loved how the pain and discomfort, intense at first as my balls were struck hard, morphed into the most exquisite pleasure. But whereas now Owner will stop before the rush of an orgasm overtakes me and i am pleading to be allowed to cum, then She would let me explode.

But that instant of release from an orgasm that had just been, quite literally, beaten out of me was always tinged with dissappointment because in truth the longer the gap between orgasms, the longer i was kept in denial, the more i came to relish that denied state. Post-orgasm i felt flat. Gone were the raging torrents of desire that filled my thoughts each hour of the day and lifted me ever higher the longer i was kept denied. Gone was the longing, the high peaks of yearning, the rushing, tumbling, turbulent streams of denial.  After the transient pleasure of release the landscape lay flat and featureless. Then time would pass and the emotional scenery would start to change as my frustration and yearning once agan kicked and i would once more enter the foothills of extended denial.

Nine months in and i am back high amongst the mountains. i would love to cum but i crave the intensity of denial even more. It is a strange feeling. But here, amidst the wilderness i have no wish to return to the valley below. i wish nothing more than the opportunity to continue to pleasure my Owner whenever She so desires, to revel in the taste and scent of Her. To bring Her pleasure whilst experiencing the wonder of denial. As someone once said, 'it is not about the destination but the glory of the ride' and the ride is sublime. i don't know how long Owner will leave me up in the mountains of denial, indeed whether She will ever again lead me back down. But it is a state i have come to love.

In the meantime, Owner and i went out for lunch today in Dulwich. As you can see from the picture below we had quite the feast! i am so lucky to have met Her and to be able to spend my life with Her. She treats me in so wonderful many ways

Teased by Facebook

Today i woke up to one of those messages on Facebook that has a photo you have posted in the past. The message read 'Your memories of 9 [in this case] years ago'. The image was a picture i had taken in Park Güell in Barcelona, Spain when Owner and i last visited that city, nine years ago. So why do i think Facebook was taunting me? Because it was on that same trip that Owner last allowed my little clitty inside Her.

Yep, since then we have enjoyed plenty of sex, i have had the privilege of having my tongue buried deep inside Her, of tasting and licking Her, of having my clit teased and tormented, slapped, spanked, paddled and fondled. Owner has masturbated me and left me happily locked away for months on end. But not since that trip has my little clit been inside Her.

Nine years is quite some time but, to be honest, i do not miss 'sex' as most would probably define it. It was always a performance wracked with nerves and fear of failure - and it was never a very long performance anyway - so not doing it removed all that anxiety and means that i actually enjoy the sex life we do have together a whole lot more. i don't think Owner misses my little clit either, Her toys are much more effective than it ever was. It is interesting to think that i am completely happy, in fact happier than i have ever imagined it possible to be in a relationship, even though it does not involve any 'sex' in that sense. Not a sentence a teenage version of me would have ever imagined one day writing!

But, back to the present. i was super lucky yesterday in that Owner also worked from home so i got to spend all day with Her. As i too was working from home the dice was thrown, as has now become normal, to see what challenge/activity i would have to undertake. This time i got one of my least favourite activities - having my testicles clamped with 20 mini pegs, for 20 minutes! Owner did the honours and took the following picture of yours truly fully decorated;

with 20 pegs in place

the wooden and metal mini pegs

As always, it was the removal of the pegs that was the worst part. i was very lucky in that Owner permitted me to do that.

Earlier in the week Owner was at work on a day when i was at home. That time the dice determined that i wear a butt plug for 3 hours....Whoop!  Now that was fun!

with glass plug in place

Hope all our readers are well.

Sex Like A Dog

Last night Owner instructed me to remove my chastity device and to not put it back on until this morning. When we went o bed She used the opportunity to gently tease and caress my now liberated clitty before going to sleep. She did the same again this morning before breakfast and then after we had eaten She had me spoon up against Her in bed and rubbed Herself against my excitable little clit, which She also encouraged me to masturbate until it was hard. All the while She focused Her attention on masturbating Herself with Her fingers.

Once my little clitty was hard and rubbing firmly against Her She reached into Her sideboard and extracted a vibrator and one of Her large plastic hair clips. She instructed me to attached the clip to my swollen clit and then start to masturbate Her with Her vibrator. Owner directed operations, telling me when She wanted the power of the vibrator increased, its position changed or when and for how long i should also lick and suck Her nipples. All the while the teeth of the hair clip made their mark on my clitty.

Tiring of my own efforts Owner took the vibrator from me and rolled onto Her side. She re-positioned the vibrator between Her thighs and then asked if i would like to lick Her arsehole? This is one of my all-time favourite activities and i eagerly replied in the affirmative. Thus it was that i spent a happy few minutes with my tongue exploring deep inside Her anus as Owner brought Herself off to a shuddering orgasm with the vibrator.

So, what has this got to do with having sex like a dog i hear you ask? Well, Her own pleasure sated Owner turned to me and asked if my clitty was sensitive and aroused. On hearing that it was She then instructed me to masturbate it against Her leg. It didn't take much of me humping Her thigh until i could feel myself close to cumming. Owner instructed me to 'come like a slut' and so, one arm wrapped around Her upper high and clit grinding back and forth against it i came all over Her beautiful leg. Owner quickly had me lap up my cum from Her pearly white flesh and the bedclothes before instructing me to return back to chastity again.

i was very lucky to be allowed to lick and explore Owners anus with my tongue and also to cum on Her leg and lick up my mess. Owner often remarks what a slut i am and i love to be Her slut. She also made it clear this morning that i have not spent enough time being tied-up, tortured, teased and tormented and used purely for Her sexual pleasure as Her human sex toy, a situation She intends to correct. Her words put a spring in my step and i returned to chastity and to the days chores a very happy wife indeed!

Chastised Sex Toy

Since the beginning of our Femdom relationship together Owner has always made it clear that only She may initiate any form of sexual activity between us. She also stipulated that any sexual activity that She initiated would be for Her pleasure, enjoyment or amusement alone. These principles have remained in place ever since. Over eight years into our Femdom relationship we have never deviated from these principles. Sex is only ever initiated by Owner and takes place only on Her terms and for Her enjoyment.

i never, in the conventional sense, have sex with Owner.  My 'clitty' (as we both refer to my penis) has not been inside Her for many years. It spends most of its time locked-up in chastity albeit that sometimes Owner stipulates that She wants me unlocked in order to more easily tease or play with it.  Having my clitty locked up this way helps me focus my efforts and energies on satisfying Owners sexual desires and urges rather than my own. Instead of an orgasm, and the brief moment of pleasure it can bring, i am instead rewarded with that delicious, frustrated, intense, aroused, uncomfortable, throbbing ache that chastity and denial bring - a pleasure that lasts for hours and days on end.

Instead my role is either to be molested, abused and fucked by Owner for Her pleasure, or more often, to assist Her to masturbate Herself to orgasm. She has trained me to masturbate Her in the way that brings Her maximum pleasure. She also likes to grind and rub Herself against me as She plays with Herself, humping my legs or my buttocks as She cums. One of Her favourite positions when masturbating Herself is to have my tongue fully buried deep inside Her derriere, smothering me whilst She rides my face to orgasm.

In short, i am Her human sex toy for Her to use as She pleases.

However, we recently had the idea that maybe more use could be made of my chastised clitty by fitting a vibrating cock ring around its metal cage so that Owner could then use it as a mini-vibrator. This would have the potential to even further reinforce my status as Her sex toy and intensify still further the focus on bringing Her sexual pleasure whilst i remain in frustrated (but happy!) denial.

With Owners permission i ordered a beautiful vibrating Lelo Tor 2 cock ring which fits perfectly around the base of the metal cage of my locked clitty. Most cock rings are intended to provide pleasure to the wearer and their partner but in our case the idea is that, though it is perfectly positioned for Owner to pleasure Herself against whenever She might choose, by attaching it around my chastity cage it will not provide any significant degree of stimulation to me. That way, Owner can pleasure Herself against my locked clitty safe in the knowledge that there is little danger that i might become overly aroused by the vibrating cock-ring myself. This is what the device looks like in situ on me

We are hoping that it could be a good way of ensuring that my Owner can utilise my locked clitty for Her pleasure whilst it remains safely and securely denied.