Deutsch, Dice, Dates and Denial

Owner and i have just returned from a lovely weekend in Cologne. It was a little break we both needed and greatly enjoyed as work has been quite stressful for us both of late for differing reasons and it was lovely to get away. i was also super lucky in that Owner permitted me to have a couple of drinks at Heathrow before the flight and then have some more on the Saturday in Cologne (although She had me back on soft drinks on the Sunday).

Neither of us have been to Cologne before, although we both really like Germany and have visited a number of other German cities in the past. Cologne did not disappoint and we had a very relaxing couple of days walking, sightseeing, drinking and sausage eating (me).

sunset over Cologne

As usual for the flight out and back i swapped out of my metal nano chastity device into the plastic Holy Trainer before clearing security. After that i swapped back into the metal device. On the return journey i discovered that Cologne has installed one of those full body scanners that you have to stand in front with your legs spread and your arms apart whilst it scans you for anything untoward. As i waited in line i wondered whether it would detect the plastic Holy Trainer device? i knew that 'normal' scanners do not but might this one? Owner went through first and then it was my turn. i stood and waited with my legs spread and was duly scanned. The result?....nothing. So far my chastity and airport security luck has held out and i have not yet been 'detected'. However, i am resigned to the inevitability that one day i will be and as we fly quite regularly that day could be next month or in a few years, who knows.

Anyway, on returning from Germany i was able to work a few days from home. That, of course, meant dice challenges. Yesterday was an indoor challenge and the dice determined that i should wear weighted nipple clamps for 15 minutes. Owner remarked a few months ago that my nipples have become less tolerant of pain and so i am trying to increase my pain thresholds by punishing them quite hard whenever i have to wear weighted nipple clamps. This time i loaded each nipple with 12oz (340g) of weights. To be able to suspend that weight for a full 15 minutes without sliding off requires the use of clamps with teeth that can hold on tight to your flesh rather than padded clamps which tend to slide off. i used the table cloth weights again as they have a serrated plastic grip that holds quite firm and 'bites'.

nipples under heavy tension

24 hours later and my nipples are still nice and sensitive from their ordeal. However, it is also an effective way of increasing my pain tolerance, which is what is needed. Incidentally, i also have a bit of a 'thing' about stretching my nipples, I'd love to have really big ones. But that is a whole other story.

Today's dice challenge was of a different order completely. Today i had to complete an outdoor challenge. The dice determined that i had to go outside and take a picture of my knickers on my head. i was wearing one of my new Victoria's Secret panties. Here i am in our street at 8.50am hoping that one of our neighbours doesn't suddenly appear and wonder what on earth i am doing!

down our street, panties on head and...ooh look, a chastity cage!

This Friday will see a little milestone for Owner and i in that it will have been 14 years exactly since we first ever met in person. We still re-visit the same restaurant we went to each year. It would take us another six months or so to properly 'get together' and about another 6-12 months after that before we started to tentatively explore developing a Female-led relationship. Since then we have continued to go from strength to strength despite occasional health issues and the odd setback along the way. We are still each others best friend and i love Her with all of my heart - i would, quite literally, follow Her anywhere or do anything for Her.

Talking of dates, this coming Saturday will also, barring anything unexpected, see me reach the half-way point of 2019 without having had a single orgasm. i have also been locked 24/7 in chastity for all except about a fortnight of that time. However, even for those brief periods when i am released know better than to try and pleasure myself. Being kept in denial like this is a wonderful and frustrating experience. i regularly feel very horny and am easily aroused and will often absent-mindedly caress my nipples. Part of me would love to be allowed to orgasm, both for the transitory pleasure of cumming itself but also for the opportunity to taste cum again - it's a taste i quite like and Owner used to feed it to me or make me lick it up after i ejaculated. However, another part of me wants to be kept like this, in a state of frustrated denial. That is an increasingly powerful yearning and one i never could have imagined ever wanting when Owner and i first started dating. The longer i am kept like this the stronger it builds. i know that in the past few years the breaking of a prolonged orgasm drought was always accompanied by a feeling of disappointment mixed in with the pleasure of the orgasm itself. Disappointment that i had actually cum and with that the attendant loss of that all consuming, frustrated arousal that had accompanied the period of denial and built steadily during it.

Increasingly i find that my desire to be kept denied is stronger than that of being permitted to cum. Of course i still love to be aroused, still yearn to have my testicles beaten and abused to the point where i can feel i am close to tipping over the edge to orgasm (these past few years i have only been permitted to orgasm from testicle spanking, paddling, slapping, flogging etc - my 'clit has not been permitted inside Owner for almost a decade) but now i don't actually want to cum. i want to be remain denied, frustrated. None of this is my decision to make of course, it is Owners and Hers alone. But i do love my prolonged state of frustrated denial, i love the fact that so far this year i have experienced the grand total of zero orgasms. Call me weird but i am hugely grateful to Her for having kept me this way. These days the only thing i find i miss about not having an orgasm is the taste of cum.