Decisions, Decisions, Decisions and the Exercise of Control

It should come as no surprise to anyone who reads this blog that, in our relationship, it is Owner who makes the decisions. It would not, after all, be a female-led/femdom relationship were that not the case. This control did not magically happen overnight. Surrendering and taking control is not a straightforward thing to do, it can and does take adjusting to by both parties and, in certain areas is not something that should be entered into unless you fully know and trust the other person.

For us it began gradually, developing over time as i surrendered control and submitted fully to Owner. To both of us it is important that Owner's authority and my submission extends to all aspects of our lives. We live this way 24/7 and 365 days a year so it has been important to us that Owners' control over me is practical, can be achieved whatever the circumstances and does not place additional burdens on Her. Fundamentally i should be making Owners' life easier and more enjoyable not creating more work for Her.

Today Owner controls almost every aspect of my life outside of work. Some examples of this include:

• Financial control - my salary goes into a joint account which i can use for household expenses but only with Her permission. i receive a small monthly allowance from that account to use to make small in-month purchases e.g. things like buying drinks in a cafe. 
• Clothing - it is Owner who approves any clothing that i might be permitted to purchase. i may suggest items to Her but may not purchase anything without Her approval. Requests are regularly denied but She often treats me by buying me surprise outfits, pretty underwear etc.
  
• This blog and Facebook - Owner checks and edits all draft posts to this blog and vets and limits what i put on Facebook. 
• Sex - i am not permitted to initiate any type of sexual activity. My body exists solely for Her to use at a time of Her choosing for Her own pleasure and amusement. Most of the time i am kept locked in chastity and denied permission to orgasm. 
• Home furnishing and decor  - our flat is decorated to Owners' taste. My personal effects were disposed of or put in the loft, bar one or two items of sentimental value.
• Eating out - Owner chooses what i will eat or drink when we go out.
• Decision making - in general all decisions are made by Owner, albeit with input from me (see below for what happens when i am asked to decide).
  

All the above, and more, work pretty well and we have quite a well-oiled machine when it comes to Owners' control over me. However, an unfortunate consequence of ceding so much control to your dominant partner is that, rather than making their life easier and more stress-free, you can end up increasing the workload for them considerably. 

To avoid this his we have sometimes adjusted or abandoned some things. At one stage Owner decided what clothes i should wear on a daily basis but we stopped doing this, largely because it was such a faff for Her to have to do. Instead, we simply have some basic expectations of what i will wear in certain circumstances. For example, i will wear skirts and look 'smart secretarial' when i am working from home except on a Friday when i can dress less formally. Likewise, when doing my household chores it is expected that i will wear one of my cleaning uniforms. 

Another form of control that was in place at one point but is no more is that i am no longer collared and cuffed at home. i used to be but have not been for some time now. It was reassuring to be restrained in this manner and is something that i would like to re-start. It was a clear sign of control and helped to delineate my 'working' self from my 'at home' self. Covid and the subsequent lockdown obliterated the lines between these two selves and i admit i miss no longer being physically restrained as i once was. It did, however, create some practical issues e.g. the need to unlock to answer the door.

Another way Owner has found to lessen the burden of decision-making for Her is through the use of dice and cards. She bought some blank-faced dice on which She can write instructions which i then have to randomly 'obey' through a roll of the dice, avoiding the need for Her to regularly come up with new instructions. There are dice that determine whether and for how long i am in chastity and dice that determine where and what type of monthly outdoor 'challenge' i must undertake. The dice have been loaded by Her but, having done this, they can then be used repeatedly whilst ensuring that i am left unsure of what each roll may decide.

A more recent development (as in the last 18 months) has been the use of instructional cards which contain orders from Her. Owner has various sets of these each of which relate to a specific requirement or activity e.g. weekly discipline cards, cards the detail 'treats' for Her, weekly indoor 'challenge' cards and special meal request cards. Having taken the time to write these out and place them in separate bags the cards can then be used for months on end until the last of the particular set of cards has been drawn and Her instruction followed. They then generally get re-used or added to with new cards as fresh ideas strike Owner. This does require some significant initial work by Owner but then leaves the rest of the year free for the cards to decide my fate rather than Her having to keep thinking of fresh things on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. This way it reduces, to some extent, the work for Her.

So far, so good. However, there are occasions, say when Owner is unwell or genuinely does not have a strong view either way on a matter, when She will ask me to decide. These moments can prove quite challenging (for me). i have become so accustomed to simply waiting for Her decision (or making a suggestion when asked) that i find having to make an actual decision myself can be difficult. My 'default' mode is to try and think She would like. Even if i have a strong preference myself the idea that i might put my own desires over Hers, even though i have been instructed to decide, is something that makes me feel deeply uncomfortable and causes me to prevaricate, which in itself is a breach of Her order to me to make a decision. 

i like to input suggestions and Owner almost always asks me for my opinion, especially for big decisions, but it is almost always Her that decides. This is what i am most comfortable with, making a suggestion but knowing that, in the end, She knows best. It is when the boot is suddenly on the other foot and She instructs me to decide that i get all flustered, so i am pleased that this does not happen very often.

In the future i would love for Owners' control over me to tighten still further, for example needing Her permission to use the bathroom or the furniture or to leave the flat but i am conscious of the need for this to be practical and to not create additional burdens for Her.  It would be interesting to hear from readers about what aspects of their lives their dominant partner controls.

Oh, but what a long and rambling post! Owner is going to hate me for having to read and edit all of this so i should try and bring things to a close. i leave you with two 'scenes' from my week. The first image is from when i was again instructed to wear a butt plug whilst working from home. The second two photos are from last night, when i was instructed to practice before bed with my 12 inch double-ended deep-throat training dildo. It has been a while since i have last done this and was a little out of practice! Well done to anyone who has read to the end of this, i hope i have not bored you rigid!

plugged pet

Ready, steady....

Do try not to gag!