A lovely weekend and a realisation

What a wonderful weekend Owner and i have had. The weather has been lousy for the time of year, wet and very windy and so neither of us has really ventured outside the flat. Instead, Saturday found me in the kitchen making stews and baking biscottis and bread sticks for Owner. It is a while since i have done any baking and it was great to be able to get back doing something i love and which Owner enjoys consuming.

In the afternoon Owner had me tied down to the bed, nipples and testicles clamped and flogged before She sat astride me and had me orally pleasure Her whilst she pulled hard on the chain attached to me nipple clamps. It was a wonderful treat to be able to pleasure Owner this way. But the treats were not over for the day. In the evening i was allowed to watch the Eurovision Song Contest with Owner. This is an annual treat for me - how sad i am!

Today the weather was no better than yesterday. After a long lie-in together Owner advised me that it was time for my weekly caning. She began by spanking and flogging me whilst i lay prostrate across the bed before administering a sound caning. You can see the results of Owners handiwork below;
Caning over Owner then positioned me on the bed with my ankles up around Her head in Her Mistress sling before fucking me hard with Her strapon. It is a wonderful position to be taken by Owner in as i can watch Her face and see the pleasure in Her eyes as She satisfies Herself. As usual i was in chastity but to be honest i derive more pleasure from my Owners pleasure than i ever did from my own. We lay side by side for a while, me deeply aroused, before Owner allowed me to masturbate Her and taste Her with my fingers. It was simply divine and again left me horny and wonderfully aroused.

We then talked about our relationship and how happy we both our. i told Owner how i had never been happier in my life and how i would love to be able to come still further under Her control. Owner said that She enjoyed the fact that we both live together within a constant D/s reality. The extent varies depending on what we are doing and where we are but it is a constant with our lives. Owner enjoys the fact that i have my little routines of service and submission and that these have become just an everyday part of our lives. There is no getting into or coming out of role for us, it is a constant within our relationship. Owner also said how much She enjoys using Her strapon on me, which i adore to....being quite the little slut i am!

Owner also said She is happy with me as a transvestite. i was quite surprised at my reaction when Owner said this because i still don't refer to myself as a transvestite, which is stupid as i so clearly am one. i am happy being a dressed up and looking pretty and going out in make-up and women's clothes, though so far this has never extended to me wearing skirts when we go out (something i always do at home). It is profoundly reassuring to hear Owner say that She was happy with me being a transvestite and hearing Her say that makes me feel confident and comfortable to use the term myself in future. Owner also knows that this is an area in which, should She wish to, She could push me further and have me further feminised.

When eventually we did get up Owner switched on the internet to listen to football whilst i dusted and hoovered in the flat. i've said to Owner in the past that i'd love to be Her housewife, but i gues in many ways that is already what i am. i'm Owners little transvestite slut who is at his happiest cooking, cleaning and pleasuring his Owner and striving to become a better submissive for Her. In short, i am living the dream with a wonderful lover, partner, best friend and Owner and it is fantastic!

Happiness is - housework and the weekend

It's Friday afternoon and the weekend has started. Owner and i have a whole 48 hours ahead of us to enjoy, have fun, be silly and live our lives as we love to without the inconvenience of work etc. Of course, i will be 'working' though i never regard the duties that i undertake for Owner as being 'work'. Cooking, cleaning and other domestic 'chores' (as i would once have regarded them) have come to be not only routine but enjoyable activities that i love to undertake in the service of my Owner. It is now at the point where i do not just feel guilty if i know some domestic duty i'm supposed to have completed has not been done, i actually miss the activity itself. My mother would be amazed! Of course, it is not that i find cleaning per se to be enjoyable! Rather it is the knowledge that these are things i am expected and desire to do in the service to my Owner turns a previously mundane activity into an enjoyable one. These activities have become an integral part of our relationship and of my submission to Owner. Thus, what were once 'chores' have actually become a celebration of my love for and devotion to my Owner. Some people travel thousands of miles on a pilgrimage in an act of devotion to their god, i hoover the flat in devotion to my Goddess!

Of course, there is though one important difference (i assume?). Namely, i don't imagine that many pilgrims get a sexual kick out of their efforts, whereas i do.

But i digress. As i was saying, the weekend is upon us and that means time spent with Owner and time spent with Her is the best time there is. All week i can feel the prospect of the weekend building inside me. i yearn for it to be here, spend my time wishing it were here. We do of course see each other all the time during the week, but work always gets in the way. We are forced apart during the day and have little time to enjoy just being us. But the weekend is different. It is Owners time to dictate the pace and agenda of the day, it is our time for fun and play. And the closer it gets the more excited i become and the hornier i get. By Friday i am moist with anticipation, fantasising constantly at the thought of being fucked by and pleasuring Owner.

It is a delicious time, a day of intense burning desire, of being unable to concentrate as the memory of the crop and cane, knickers pulled down, of nipples flushed sore and hot, face down, legs spread, breathing slowly...deeply, of strange discordant noises, Her hands on my hips, nails sunk in flesh, Her voice calling to me 'my slut, my slut', clenching and unclenching around Her, the motor pulsating through me, deeper, deeper a final gasp.... spent beside me She lies whilst i wrap my tongue around Her, sucking hard whilst my 'pussy' blinks its silent o around the memory of Her inside me, like a child i return to Her breast, Her fingers in my hair, we lie.

Of these i dream throughout the day as the Friday hunger builds inside me.

Home-made dungeon equipment

When we had our new kitchen fitted at the start of the year i kept hold of some of the wooden shelves from the old one thinking i was sure i could use them for something. Anyway, after a few months inspiration struck and one day Owner came home to find me outside in the garden sawing and drilling. With great delight i proudly announced that i was attempting to make my first piece of dungeon equipment. Basically, it consists of a couple of old shelves, some shelf supports and lots of little eye-bolts and spikes etc.


Yep, i was creating my own cock-torture device! Owner seemed pleased that i was trying to be creative and didn't dissuade me in my work, infact she seemed quite keen to try the device out. Well yesterday we finally got a chance. i was due a penis caning as a punishment for an earlier transgression and it seemed the perfect opportunity. My chastity device was removed and i was locked into the new 'machine'. i had attached bolts and cuffs to lock my ankles in place and was then able to lock my collar to the top of the device and my wrists to the sides with only my unprotected privates poking through. Owner then clamped my nipples in place before proceeding to cane and spank me.

The Danger Zone!

The 'machine' worked well although needs a minor adjustment. At present it is a little unbalanced at the back i.e. could tip backwards and so needs a stabiliser adding, but apart from that has proved to be a constructive recycling of unused shelving! After caning my cock repeatedly Owner even allowed me to come, a rare and wonderful treat.

Probationary pet about town

A few months ago i was declared the winner of the 'Burlesque' competition on the Forced Feminisation group run by Mistress 160 on MyDungeonSpace.com One of the 3 judges was Miss Bonnie who runs Collar N Cuffs.com and she kindly sent me a beautiful basque as a prize. i agreed, with prompting from my Owner, that i should wear the basque at some prominent London landmarks, namely;

1) Nelsons Column
2) Tower Bridge
3) St Mary's Axe (aka 'the gherkin')

Anyway, finally after months of not being able to do anything at weekends apart from decorating, Owner and i got a chance to go out and about in town today. As a result, i was able to complete my basque wearing challenge. See photos below;















In front of Nelson's Column


















Tower Bridge




















St Mary's Axe









Thank you to Mistress 160, Miss Bonnie and of course my wonderful Owner and accomplice!

New Start

With the building and decorating works in the flat now completed Owner has graciously allowed me to re-start my probationary pet period. This is a 6-week trial to decide whether or not i will be granted the right to be referred to as Owners 'pet' as opposed to 'trainee pet'. For the duration of the probationary period Owner has outlined a number of additional tasks, duties and areas of learning that i am to incorporate into my existing daily and weekly routines. This will be followed by a formal evaluation at the end of the 6 week period to see if i am allowed to regain the status of 'pet' - lost last August (and rightly so) or not. Owner has set out the following agreement which i signed yesterday;

"I ....., trainee pet, commit myself to the role of ‘pet on probation’ for a period of 6 weeks. In these 6 weeks I promise to complete the following tasks to the best of my abilities:

- To wear my Probationary Pet badge
- To finish off the kitchen - To complete a ‘fake nails’ challenge
- To re-start my Spanish lessons – I must schedule 1 lesson per week. If during a week I can not complete a lesson I must re-schedule 2 lessons for the following week
- To treat Owner to a pedicure every two weeks and a foot massage at least 3 times a week
- To have a PowerPoint lesson – I must schedule this lesson and create a little project at the end
- No to drink any coffee in the evenings during the week. On weekend evenings I must ask for permission
- To keep my paperwork organised in a folder. Any printed instructions for events/games must also be archived
- To request a caning at least once a week
- To think of imaginative ways to use the queening stool during play, produce a list and submit it to my Owner for approval
- To re-start daily/weekly cleaning routine
- To keep the flat very tidy
- To stop smoking on the 1st of June 2009
- To complete all punishments accrued before the re-start of the probationary period
- Not to accumulate more than 3 punishment from the moment the probationary period re-starts

If I fail to complete any of these tasks or my behaviour is not of the standards expected I will revert to my position of ‘trainee pet’ and my role will not be reviewed until December 2009. If I complete these tasks to my Owner’s satisfaction I will be offered a new contract and my status will change to ‘pet’. Signature: Date:"

As you can see Owner has been very fair and charitable with what she is expecting and it is now down to me to ensure that i meet her expectations.

Meanwhile, now that we have our lounge completely re-decorated and with new furniture i have asked Owner if she would agree that as her 'pet' - probationary or otherwise - it would be inappropriate for me to be able to make use of the new furniture but that rather it should be reserved exclusively for Her use. Owner has kindly agreed. Instead, i am, from now onwards, only allowed to sit on the 'dog mat' which we purchased from Ikea to go in front of the fire, though as i hope you'll agree from the photo it is a very fine mat!

Back!

After months of having builders semi-permanently camped in our flat followed by weeks of decorating and sorting out the chaos and the mess left behind, Owner and i finally have our lives back! During the period of the building works (new bathroom and lounge) our lives didn't just go on hold but almost went into reverse. No longer was i able to serve Owner as She expected and wanted nor was i able to be the submissive i wanted or to serve Her completely. However, finally this weekend we were actually able to do something unique, namely spend time together and not just clean, paint etc. Though there was still some of that.

We have agreed that i can re-start my pet probationary period starting from today and so my development is well and truly back on. i'm back in chastity (sorry i forgot to update the counter but the device has been off for about 2 months) and i've even got a new chain to wear permanently slung between my nipple piercings. It has left them delightfully sore and me very horny and happy!

However, the period wasn't all bad. It has left us both with a wonderful looking flat and i was even able to make use of some of the leftover planks of wood by fashioning a cock-torture device for Owner to use. We haven't tried it out yet but it looks suitably evil! Will upload some photos this weekend.

Sorry this has been the first post in ages but we were both so drained and miserable with the building works that neither of us really felt in the mood. However, now we can re-start our Femdom relationship in earnest and my development too. i promise to be updating more frequently again now!

p
x

Kinky Snowman

As you can see, Owner and i have been making the most of the heavy snow in London!

Final Birthday Treat From Owner

Yesterday Owner booked us both into a wonderful boutique hotel in Clerkenwell called The Rookery as the final treat for my birthday. The hotel is a wonderful Eighteenth Century building next door to Smithfield market and is a really delightful place. Needless to say, Owner had a number of additional 'treats' in mind for our stay!

Having released me from chastity yesterday Owner decided that it was time to torment my testicles and penis so after first giving me a good spanking and caning She then proceeded to secure me to the four poster bed like thus:


With my hands, ankles and even my nipples (they're pierced) tied to the frame of the bed Owner proceeded to attach tiny clothes pegs to my testicles and penis before getting out her short riding crop and administering a sustained assault on my privates! More pegs were soon added along with a set of japanese clover clamps which were attached to each testicle and pulled tight. The pain was wonderfully exhilirating and i was soon fully immersed in a sea of painful ecstasy. Owner continued Her assault with the crop this time striking my nipples and pulling the ropes tighter through my piercings before turning her attention once more to my clamped testes, striking them, fondling them and starting to masturbate me. It wasn't long before i could hear strange disconnected moaning sounds and realised they were coming from me. Owner continued Her torment by simultaneously masturbating me and spanking my testicles, until finally giving me permission to orgasm for the first time in nearly a month. As i lay there spent and shivering from the intensity of the experience Owner untied me, removed the pegs (OWWW!) and then held me tight whilst i swooned in deep subspace.

Later that evening i took Owner out for a meal to a nearby Italian restaurant. i wore my new blouse, full make-up and collar and must have been the proudest person there. It's so wonderful to dress up for Her and openly display my collar in public.

The following morning after breakfast Owner tried out Her new Masters Sex Sling. As i am about as flexible as a plank of wood this really is a great device which enables Owner to keep me held open and apart as She thrusts inside me, whilst i can rock up and down on the length of Owners 'shaft'. Owner satiated Herself on the vibration mode of Her strapon before masturbating me to my second orgasm in less than 12 hours! Needless to say afterwards She instructed me to go back into chastity as i'd had more than enough pleasure for a while.

Such weekends with Owner are times we both enjoy immensely, they are an opportunity to forget the world and connect in our own special way. It was a wonderful way to end my birthday month. i am truly blessed to be able to share my life with such a wonderful person.

Chastity as a psychological crutch + challenge

Having been locked inside my CB-3000 for nearly 4 weeks, during which time the device was removed only for cleaning purposes, Owner instructed me after last nights supervised shower not to put the device back on. For people who have not regularly worn a chastity device my reaction to this instruction might come as a surprise. Instead of being happy at this news i became slightly sullen and moody. i had not intended to react this way and am ashamed that i did and will be rightly punished by Owner for behaving so. But, there is no getting away from it, react this way i did.

i have realised, having discussed my reaction with Owner, that i had come to start to use the device as something of a psychological crutch. It made me feel 'safe' and, i believed (and still do for that matter) that it helped me to become a better submissive by concentrating my energies and efforts on pleasing Owner. What do i mean by this? Well for starters what i don't mean is that i suddenly had a frantic desire to masturbate! i have never subscribed to the idea that a sub cannot exercise enough self-control and discipline that they cannot be relied upon to not masturbate and need to wear a chastity device in order to be forcibly prevented from doing so. This may be true for some but is not the case with me. So no, i was not suddenly gripped with a feverish desire to masturbate! Rather, and this surprised me, i have realised that i had started to come to associate my wearing of the chastity device with my ability to perform the tasks and duties to a standard my Owner expects of me. In short, i feared that in a non-chaste state i might somehow become less submissive. This may sound silly, and i know now that it is, but that is what put me into a mood last night.

The other thing is that it is not like chastity was a new state for me. i have been kept in and out of chastity for going on about 2 years now. The only difference is that this was one of the longest 'stretches' i had been kept so locked up for. Most times i'm locked for a period of around two weeks. So nearly 4 weeks was something of a longer duration, and me being a stupid male had started to see the whole thing as something of a personal challenge i.e. what might my 'personal best' being locked up be? 6 weeks? Maybe a couple of months? So aanother aspect of my reaction was a silly disappointment that i hadn't been locked for longer! In other words, my reaction was in part due to a selfish feelign of a challenge thwarted. How silly is that?!

Owner and i discussed my reaction this morning and She has rightly stated that my submission to Her and service to Her should be exactly the same whether i am in chastity or not. In addition, as my Owner, it is entirely upto Her to decide if She does or does not want me in chastity. Furthermore, i will just have to exercise the self-discipline She expects of me to ensure that i do not accidentally orgasm during any subsequent play unless She has explicitly santioned it.

My conclusion to all this is that without realising it i had allowed chastity to become a psychological crutch and like all such crutches it needs to be broken. Realising it had become such a crutch is the first stage in breaking it. None of this means that Owner will not be instructing me back into chastity at some time in the future for a duration of her choosing, rather it means that i need to realise that my submission to Her should be total at all times irrespective of whether i happen to be 'locked-up' at the time or not.

Meanwhile, Owner has booked us both into a hotel this weekend for a night of fun and debauchery which i am greatly looking forward to! Owner is expecting me to behave as Her perfect pet slut, and i being the slut i am am eager to demonstrate just how slutty i can be! LOL Owner has purchased a 'Masters Sling' which She is eager to try out, as am i! And of course, now that i do not have the plastic cage to protect me i will be fully exposed and at Owners mercy if She brings along the little metal clothes pegs and their sharp bitey teeth. i just hope the room is sound proof!

Have a good weekend all

A Day In The Life....

When Owner first moved in with me, almost two years ago now, we quickly both realised that neither of us wanted a 'normal' relationship with a little BDSM thrown-in. Rather, what we wanted to strive towards was a Female-led relationship. Around that time i spent a fair amount of time researching blogs, websites and books on the subject to try and establish some sense of how such a Female-led relationship might practicably work. Of course, i was, as i now realise, going about this entirely the wrong way! The essence of the relationship that would work for us would be decided and developed by Owner What i should have been doing was to really think through the things that Owner did as part of Her own routine and activities and try to see how i could take on some of these duties and activities for Her, to give Her more time to relax. In short, i'd overlooked the essential element of any Female-led relationship - namely it's not what others do or the fantasies i, as a submissive, may have, but is about what my Owner would like and how i might make Her life more comfortable. Owner does indulge me by playing with and torturing me, but this is when She wants to.

Anyway, i digress. As i was saying i realised that i had gone about things the wrong way. However, reading about how other such couples in Female-led relationships structured their lives and the routines they had developed was still extremely helpful. It gave me some ideas of things that might please Owner if i incorporated them into my daily schedule as well as a sense of what to strive towards. The following, therefore, is really written with the thought of me as i was two years ago in mind. It is my daily routine and i write it in the hope that it may be of some use/interest to another newby sub just starting their own Female-led relationship in sparking some ideas or thoughts about ways they too could serve their own Dominant Female. However, before i go on to outline my routine i should say from the outset that this is merely what works for us, others will and should develop their own routines that best suit their own relationships. i should also say that i am conscious that i still have an awful lot of training and development ahead of me (a lifetimes worth) if i am ever to hope to begin to serve my Owner in the manner in which She truly deserves. But this is where i am now in my development. Hopefully in my next 6 monthly appraisal and contract review (due imminently) Owner will grant me some additional duties and activities to further develop my training.

Anyway, enough waffling! The following is my daily (weekday) routine, which as i said earlier, i hope might be of some use/interest to other males or their Female Dommes just starting out to develop their own Female-led relationship.

06.00: Wake up - put on collar and cuffs and skimpy dressing-gown
06.05-06.30: Prepare Owners breakfast and my own. All my own meals are eaten from a dog bowl - though normally i am allowed to eat at the table. Wash-up dishes and put away.
06.30-06.35: Put out food on bird table (my neighbours must certainly chuckle if they see me - shackled and dressed in a skimpy dressing gown and heels wandering around the garden at this time of day!) + feed goldfish in aquariums
06.35-07.15: Put Owners mobile onto charge. Prepare Owners packed lunch for work then my own. Make bed and clean toilet and bathroom sink when Owner has finished in bathroom. Ensure Owner has a book to read for Her journey to work.
07.15: Kiss Owner goodbye.
07.15-08.30: Text owner to advise what knickers i will be wearing that day under my work clothes and receive any instructions i may have from Her. Think about what to make for dinner in evening and ensure we have the ingredients. Log onto internet and check emails etc. Have shower, shave and get dressed. Do some hoovering or other light cleaning. Check flat looks relatively tidy and things are put away. Update submission diary and journal.
08.30ish: Remove collar and cuffs and depart for work
Lunchtime: Get any shopping we may need
18.30ish: Return from work. Greet Owner by kneeling before Her and kissing her feet. Make Owner a cup of tea.
18.45ish: Put on make-up and feminine clothes to look pretty for Owner. Put collar and cuffs back on.
19.00 - 19.45: Start preparing dinner, my own served as usual in a dog bowl. Chat to Owner then wash-up and put dishes away.
19.45-21.30: Do some cleaning in the flat, prepare any stocks etc that we may need for forthcoming meals, do some clothes washing if needed. Be at Owners disposal if required. Supervised removal of chastity device for cleaning if needed etc.
21.30-22.00: Lick/suck Owners feet clean and give Owner a foot massage.
22.00: Snuggle up together in bed.

Weekends are similar except that neither of us need to work, i get to dress en femme all day (at home and outside) and wear nail polish and we have time to do the things we both enjoy. Others little things that i try to ensure i now always do/offer are to get fresh flowers for the flat on a weekly basis and give Owner a weekly pedicure.

Whether or not any of the above is of interest/use to anyone else i don't know. i just know that it was just this sort of information/ideas i was searching for two years ago when we first started out on our Female-led relationship and so hope it may be of some interest to someone?