Hello Sweden and Thoughts on Orgasm Denial and Sexual Pleasure

No, the blog post does not mean that Owner and i are away visiting Scandinavia, sadly...though we hope to be again soon. Instead, it reflects a curious change in visitor traffic to this blog.

Usually, these blog posts attract a pretty steady and fairly low volume of page views. Sometimes higher, sometimes lower, fluctuating a little depending on content and sometimes for no apparent reason at all. However, there has been a sudden and dramatic surge in views for some of my recent posts. We are talking more than three times the average page views the blog normally receives, albeit from an admittedly relatively low base. What is curious, however, is that the blogger analytics tells me that all these new views are coming from one country in particular....Sweden.

So, hej sverige jag och välkommen till den här bloggen (if that doesn't say 'hello Sweden and welcome to this blog' then blame google translate!)

In other news, we had our aircon installed in the flat yesterday, just in time for the heatwave in London to break. Still, Owner is especially delighted that She now has a cool sanctuary to hide out in whenever it gets too hot again. One of the first things that She said to me after it had been installed was that She:

'Did not want to find me standing in front of the aircon caressing my erect nipples in the cold breeze!'

Honestly, She knows me too well! Of course that was one of the first things that crossed my mind. It is true that i can sometimes be found idly caressing my nipples, i love to touch/be touched there. 

Talking of touching, each night before i drift off to sleep Owner caresses my my buttocks and pussy - ostensibly to 'check my temperature' - She always maintains that i have a cold backside. It is a lovely way to fall asleep, Her fingers touching and stroking my derriere. For my part i love to bury my face in Her chest, though of course nothing in the world beats those occasions when i am permitted to bury my tongue between Her wonderful cheeks.

The eagle eyed of you may also have noticed that it is now almost 100 days (98 at the time of writing to be precise) since i had my last orgasm. i have had just one orgasm to date this year. Last year i had four but the year before that i had no orgasms at all. i sincerely believe that being kept denied is good for me. In fact, i have grown so accustomed to expecting not to be allowed to orgasm that, on the very rare occasions when i am permitted to do so, any fleeting orgasmic high is tempered by feelings of  disappointment. Orgasmic denial (together with being kept in long-term chastity) is, to me at least, a sign of my devotion and complete submission to Owner. 

So strong, in fact is this sense of denial being manifestation of my love and total surrender to Her control that, even on the odd occasions when i am allowed out of chastity, it does not ever cross my mind to masturbate. To do so would feel like a betrayal. Owner is the centre of my world, the one to whom i have submitted completely and who controls all aspects of my life. Orgasmic denial is one of the ways in which i try to demonstrate my total submission to Her. My clit is Hers, not mine. 

When Owner chooses to make me cum it is because She decides this for me, it is never, ever sought by me. My default state has, over the years, come to be one of orgasmic denial. Left to my own devices i would never orgasm again, would remain locked forever. It would be a small sacrifice to make for the honour of demonstrating my eternal submission and surrender to Her.

To me, to be kept in a state of permanent orgasm denial for the rest of my life would be an honour. 

i have already learnt never to expect to be allowed to put my clitty inside of Owner again. It has been about a dozen years since that last happened. She has no need of it, Her toys, my face and my tongue provide for Her needs. My clitty has long since been sexually redundant. Even when Owner does make me orgasm my clit rarely plays any part. Owner learnt years ago that She could make me orgasm by beating my testicles - or labia. It fast became Her preferred, then only, way to make me ejaculate. It hurts, i howl. Like a slut She says. Nowadays when She beats and strikes them Owner stops before the pleasure overwhelms the pain, ensuring that i do not cum.

So my clit has become entirely redundant. It is already quite small, always has been. However, i now have a recurrent fantasy, a daydream, where Owner arranges to have it shrunk, shrunk down to the size of my little toe. A pointless, useless little nub (with a teeny, tiny cage over it). In my fantasy my testes/labia remain - suspended invitingly below my pointless clit for Owner to strike and beat at will. 

What then of pleasure? Do i not still crave pleasure? Of course i do but my pleasure centres have shifted. My nipples and my 'pussy' have become my primary sources of arousal. i will sit or stand and idly caress my tits like a slut, and as for my pussy - it loves to be stretched, craves to be opened up, loves to be fucked by Owner. i really have become a size whore.

But real pleasure? Real pleasure, true pleasure for me is not to be had through my own experience. Much as i may adore being fucked and fucked hard by Owner that to me is not real pleasure. No, real pleasure, the kind that really makes my heart and soul sing, is to be had when i can feel Her flesh quiver, Her muscles spasm, Her thighs clench tight as She climaxes with my tongue pleasuring Her anus. That is my personal heaven. My nirvana. One moment like that is more pleasurable, more exciting, more thrilling than any transient moment i might experience. To me, true pleasure is to be found in bringing Owner pleasure.