Family, Work and Numbers

Readers may have noticed an absence of posts these past couple of weeks. This was not due to anything dramatic, just an absence of time and an abundance of stress.

There is an ongoing family matter that i am trying to get sorted, with Owner's help, which is proving quite stressful. It has also meant that we are having to spend time dealing with it and it occupies a lot of 'headspace' at the minute.

Alongside that the past two weeks have been exceptionally busy and stressful with work. i won't bore you with the details but it has meant that for much of the past fortnight if my brain was not side-tracked by the family issue it was swamped by multiple work-related ones. 

Owner has been a complete star and a rock. i have ensured that i have continued with my daily Spanish studies (which i am quite proud of) and completed all my daily chores. However, my tasks and beatings have been put on hold until this weekend, starting this evening with a caning. 

i am actually quite looking forward to being caned by Owner (i am also due to be paddled by Her over the next two days too). The caning is with a new 'birch' style cane that i got for Her as part of Her anniversary gift. It will obviously hurt, canings etc always do, but i also find them to be quite cathartic. They help me to 'get out of my head'. Readers who themselves are caned or beaten etc on a regular basis will know what i am going to about. i think Owner enjoys them too, possibly for the same reason albeit as an opportunity to release some of Her own stress and tension. 

new birch-style cane with my piercing just visible

Owner has also advised me that i can expect to be tortured by Her too. She hasn't gone into details but i am guessing it might involve Her infernal electrical device which She loves, in part because She knows how much i struggle to cope with it. Owner is not a sadist, but then She also enjoys doing things to me that i find difficult to deal with, so maybe She is a bit of a sadist after all??

A sign of just how distracted i have been was that a mini-milestone passed this week without me even noticing or commenting on it. Like many male subs i do like to track some numbers, well one number in particular, namely the last time i had an orgasm of any kind. The counter on my blog (see i like to count these things) informs me that it is 272 and a half days (and counting) since the last such occurrence. Or, in other words, a little over nine months. Yes, i have gone past full-term denial.

i have no idea whether or not that situation will change as it is not my decision to make. i might be allowed to cum in the next hour i might not be allowed to do so, erm, ever again. The longest such period of denial i have previously experienced was in 2019 and that lasted a little over a year. Part of me actually quite likes the idea of possibly never being able to climax again so that i can truly focus on what is important, Owner. i am, amongst other things, Her sex toy and have for many years known and loved the fact that my body exists for Her pleasure alone. Just as my clit became redundant when it came to Her own sexual pleasure, it has not been inside Her for well about a decade and a half, so might my orgasms go the same way? Were that to happen i imagine it would be without fanfare, just a gradual realisation over time, as with my clit experiencing the warmth of Her pussy, that it is something to learn not to ever expect as it is not needed nor is it in any way necessary.

Personally, i derive great pleasure from able to assist in bringing Owner sexual pleasure (which i am sometimes permitted to do) and get as much satisfaction (more actually) from that and from being kept in a state of, often quite horny, denial, than i do from climaxing - which after all is but a fleeting and transient thing whereas long-term denial is a wonderful, constant, delicious experience. It is an eternally hot, warm, glowing ember as opposed to the brief dramatic spark of a flame. i am still permitted to caress my tits or occasionally fuck myself (or be fucked by Owner) under Her close supervision but only enough to get me worked up but not so much as to cause me to make a mess (accidentally or not). i also know that i am very lucky to be allowed to do such things.

Anyway, i will stop here as i am rambling. Hopefully normal service will resume soon, if only to update on what torture Owner had in stall for me.