A Lovely Time

Yesterday evening Owner and i went to see a screening of The Duke of Burgundy a film about two lesbian lovers, butterflies and moths and the demands and trials of the central characters S&M relationship. It is beautifully shot and worth checking out. As it was a trip to the cinema it also meant that i would be wearing a skirt in public once again. It is funny, wearing the skirt is not what makes the experience feel a little humiliating to me (which is part of the point) but rather the fact that i arrive in jeans and then change into a skirt so that anyone in the foyer waiting to go in who is paying attention must think to themselves 'I am sure that person was wearing skinny jeans a minute ago!'

Anyway, it is a teensy bit of public humiliation fun that i greatly enjoy as you might be able to tell from this photo that Owner took.

i adore my new skirt

Talking of Owner She has really now got into Her stride when it comes to choosing and ordering my meals for me in restaurants. Me looking at the menu has really started to become a pointless exercise. Last night before the movie She we went to an Italian restaurant where She ordered me a risotto. When the waitress came to take the orders Owner even used the phrase 'and he will have...'. i could have melted. i was in public displays of ownership and control heaven! i love the fact that little by little Owner continues o extend Her complete control over me.

Earlier in the afternoon we had a bit of a wander around the areas near to St Paul's Cathedral and went up once again to the viewing area near the shopping arcade next to it which affords great views of the cathedral and that part of London. You can get a sense o how close you are to the Dome of the Cathedral from the following picture

St. Paul's Cathedral

 And a rare shot of Owner!

After visiting the viewing area we dived into a coffee shop for a couple of hot chocolates. It was quite a cold day and, as you can see from my expression, i think i was quite pleased that we were both back inside in the

warmth.

Gagging in the Rain and Other Escapades

The other day Owner and i both went to the park for me to complete another of my public dildo deep-throat challenges. So far i have completed these challenges in the heart of City of London, in Canary Wharf, in a pub toilet and so on. Now it was time to complete one in our local park. It was a rainy day, hence the umbrella, but Owner announced Herself pleased with the results. You can judge for yourself how i got on from the following two pictures:

poised and ready to swallow

enjoying a mouthful!

Recently Owner also permitted me to purchase a new pretty apron to wear at home when i am cooking and baking. The apron was ordered from The Sunday Girl Company who are a UK-based company specialising in adults and children's aprons, i think it looks super cute

Meanwhile, i am delighted to say that my new tattoo has fully healed and the scab has now completely done. We are both really thrilled with the final result and i can't wait for the warmer weather to arrive to be able to properly show off my princess crown in public. You can see what it looks like now it has healed here

Talking of pretty things, i now also have a wonderful new pair of nipple rings. They are small silver keys adorned with little pink stones. They are super cute. The only drawback to them is that both of the pair face the same way as the gems are both on the same side. Ideally you would have them so that each key could face the other. That said, i really love them. We don't have a good picture of me wearing them, however, the image below, taken from the Etsy retailer i they were purchased them from (Bohemian Body Jewellery), shows you how pretty they are

However, there have been a couple of failings lately on my part that i am embarrassed to report and for which Owner will be rightly punishing me. The other weekend we went to Dublin and had a great time. However, on the Sunday at lunch i totally forgot myself and ordered a pint of Guinness when we went to a pub for lunch without Owner having given me permission to drink alcohol. i realised i was wrong to do so and quickly cancelled the order and had a Coke instead. However, it was a serious failing on my part and i deserve to be punished for it.

The other two incidents happened in quick succession and both involved food. As you will know i do all the cooking at home (unless Owner chooses to). On Sunday i prepared meatballs but used mince meat that had been lurking at the bottom of the freezer since last July. Owner has a strict rule that any food that has been in the freezer for longer than three months must not be used and should be disposed of. Thus was clearly a major breach of that requirement. To compound matters the following day i then was going to make a sweet and sour chicken but the soy sauce had already been opened and i hadn't kept it in the fridge but rather had returned it to the cupboard. Again, this breached Owners food hygiene standards. Owner was rightly annoyed with me as these are standards She has repeatedly set and this is not the first time i have been in breach of them (my last such infraction was about 18 months ago). It was made worse by my breaking these rules twice in successive days and demonstrated a very lax attitude on my part.

Owner has yet to determine what punishment i will receive for these misdemeanours but i recognise they were unacceptable on my part and that i deserve to be punished for them.

Learning and Development - Some Small But Significant Steps

The past few weeks have seen a couple of small but significant steps in my own learning but also in the progression and further deepening of my submission to Owner and Her control over, and treatment of, me. i will talk about the latter in a bit, first though i have some news concerning my own learning.

Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while will know that my Owner, and love of my life, is Spanish. Regular readers will also know that i have been trying (pretty unsuccessfully) for years to learn to speak Spanish and it has become one of Owners long-term projects and expectations of me. Under normal circumstances this might not be a big deal but for me it is as i have been an utter failure with languages throughout my life. Although i managed to do fairly well academically in other spheres (i have a history doctorate) when it comes to languages i have failed at every turn. Over the years i have tried French, German and even Arabic once all with the same results...failure. Although the rest of my family are all linguistically gifted i am not.

However, last year Owner laid down the challenge and expectation that, as part of my continuing development and training to become Her ideal wife She expected me to prepare for and enter a formal Spanish language exam. Specifically, the official Diploma of Spanish as a Foreign Language (DELE). This would sit alongside the other skills and learning She expects me to acquire ranging from giving facials, reflexology, massage, manicures, to knitting, embroidery etc, etc. In short, skills that might be useful to Her for me to have. Me knowing Spanish would, of course, be very useful/essential if She ever decided She wanted us to move to Spain, as one day She might.

i confess that i initially didn't have any expectations of passing but then as the months of practice passed i began to entertain thoughts that maybe i might. We agreed i should enter the beginners exam and see how i got on. The exam was held over two days in November last year and at the end of it i was convinced i had, once again failed. Owner tried to be positive but i didn' think i had done that well and started to try and psychologically prepare myself for a re-sit sometime this year. Imagine my delight and surprise then when the results arrived just over a week ago. i passed!! i was thrilled and amazed...for the very first time in my life i had actually passed a language exam! Owner was really pleased as well, However, we have already agreed that i will not be allowed to stop there but must now prepare to enter myself for the next level Spanish exam this autumn. There are many things that our relationship has helped to teach me and i have acquired a number of new skills. However, never in my wildest dreams did i imagine it might also help me start to learn a new language. Just another example of the many advantages an FLR/Femdom relationship can bring!

This weekend i also had an opportunity to demonstrate one of the other skills that i have started to acquire courtesy of Owner, namely jewellery making. Owner had me attend an introductory jewellery making course last year and now Her expectation is that i will produce a minimum of three new items for Her a month. This weekend i made Her some ear-rings. 

Meanwhile, this weekend also witnessed another small tightening of Owners overt control over me and Her treatment of me as Her slut. There are already many practical ways in which Owner exercises complete control over aspects of my life, these include;

• For many years now all decisions about what clothes i am permitted to wear and purchase have been Owners. i can suggest things to Her but am not allowed to buy anything unless She approves
•  Most purchases by me need Owners prior approval and all expenditure by me needs to be documented on a daily basis and made available to Owner to check at any time (we use Trello to document this and all other aspects of my submission, development and training)
• Any facebook posts (and of course blog entries) by me need prior vetting and approval from Owner before uploading
• i am only permitted to drink alcohol if and when Owner says so and am not permitted to try to seek Her approval to have a drink (this initially took a while to adjust to, especially when staying with family)
• Owner decides to what, when and where we go out - i may make suggestions but the decision is Hers
• We have got rid of/recycled most of my possessions
• All meal preparation, cooking, cleaning and other housework is my responsibility. Owner may help if She chooses but the expectation is that it is my job to do.
• Owner expects me to present Her with daily options for what i might prepare for dinner for Her to decide from
• An expectation that, unless She specifically says otherwise, i should always be doing something constructive and useful in my free time
• having an orgasm only if and when Owner permits me to (i spend much of my time in chastity) and accepting that my body is Owners to use for Her sexual pleasure

All of the above have gradually developed as part of my submission to Owner over the years.

To this list has now been added a new element of control that Owner first implemented this weekend. Namely, that when we eat out (as we do relatively frequently) Owner will choose what i am to eat. Owner stipulated this as a new requirement with the launch of the latest phase of Her development and training programme for me in December last year. However, by Her own admission it is something that She had forgotten to start to implement, that is until this weekend. On Sunday, for the first time, Owner decided what it was i was going to eat when we ate out.

For me it was another happily submissive and emasculating experience.  It did feel a little strange/unusual to realise that there was little/no point in me looking at the menu as the choice would be Owners entirely. However, it also felt right and as it should be. Ironically, Owner actually chose something for me that i wouldn't normally have picked for myself as though i will eat anything i have become accustomed to choosing dishes that Owner might want to eat as well in case She doesn't like Her first choice - Owners culinary tastes aren't as catholic as mine. i do hope that Owner taking control of what i may or may not eat becomes as much the norm as other aspects of my life that She now controls.

Once we returned from a day of shopping yesterday (during which Owner bought me a new bra and permitted me to buy a new blouse) we returned home for a session of bondage and torture. Owner enjoys tying me up and abusing and tormenting me and, over the years, has lost a lot of the initial reluctance She once felt about inflicting pain on Her wife. Where previously my wincing or evident discomfort would have elicited concern lest She had hurt me now Owner instead rightly chastises such responses by me as evidence of how i have become 'too fluffy'. Yesterday She bound my wrists and ankles to a chair, blindfolded me then clamped my nipples hard. Next, in return for honouring me with the pleasure of sniffing the crutch of Her used knickers, She administered 30 strikes with Her cane to my chastised clitty - directing Her strikes hard to my exposed testicles. The pain and discomfort was intense but seemed to serve only to spur Her on more. i truly do cherish Owners growing willingness to and evident enjoyment of the infliction of pain on me. It was particularly gratifying and exciting to sit bound helpless to the chair, nipples and 'bits' ablaze and listen to the sound and feel of Owner masturbating Herself to an orgasm with Her vibrator as She rubbed Herself hard against my body whilst all along my clit remained firmly (and tightly) locked in its metal chastity cage.

However, Owner took Her abuse and use of me further. She used one of Her dildo's to forcibly fuck my throat, having me repeatedly deep-throat the large rubber cock, pushing it deep into my throat, pulling my head down onto it, making me gag again and again. In between, She sprayed a small bottle of Her golden wine that She had filled in the bathroom, into my mouth, all over my face. She sprayed Her fake cock with Her golden nectar and had me lick it off, She sprayed it over my chest, She sprayed my locked clit. In short, She soaked me with Her piss as She fucked my face. It was a wonderful and degrading way to treat Her slut and it was a joy to behold and to be treated in such a manner by Her. i loved being face-fucked until i choked and snorted, loved being covered in Her urine - made to stick out my tongue and open my mouth wide to drink it, made to suffer pain and denial. In short, it was wonderful to be degraded as treated as Owners slut and whore and to experience Her inflicting pain, discomfort and humiliation as She pleasured Herself.

Afterwards, Owner again said how much She too had enjoyed Herself. Such comments, and Her evident readiness to treat and degrade Her wife this way, make me extremely happy. The greater and more overt Owners control over me becomes, the more She uses and abuses me physically, the more She degrades and exhibits me and the dirtier She treats me then the happier still i become. i truly am very lucky indeed.