Weekly Roundup + Personal Improvement Time

Owner continues to be pleased with my behaviour and performance and i am happy to report that i have been keeping up with all of my daily tasks and chores. This week saw a new addition to my weekly routine, personal improvement time.

After dinner on Thursday, once my evening chores were completed, i spent the rest of the evening studying Spanish and knitting. It felt good to be doing something constructive and to be studying again. Despite Owner being Spanish my own skills with the language continue to be pretty poor and, not having been able to visit this year as we normally would, i have been getting rustier by the day. So it was good to start studying the language again and i will be doing so on a regular basis from this week onwards.

Then, after an hour of Spanish, i settled down with some lovely yarn and my knitting needles and set about knitting a scarf. Again, it has been quite a while since i last knitted anything and so i had to re-learn my skills. Still, i made a start and plan to keep up and knit on a regular basis. So i am pleased to report that i am once again studying to become a better wife.

This week also saw the first day of genuinely seasonal temperatures, which have been above average of late. This provided the first opportunity for me to wear the new winter coat that Owner ordered for me. It has a great hood and is super warm and snuggly. Here i am ready to venture outside on Friday

As per Owner's instructions i have also cut back on my coffee intake, restricting to just a couple of small black coffees at the start of the day (i used to easily drink eight or so a day!) and am drinking more water. i am also continuing to exercise on a regular basis, targeting my glutes and abs in particular, and am pleased to have got my weight back down to 145lbs (a little under 66kg). i think i could still shave off a few more pounds. i realise that i let the weight add on over the summer a bit so it is good to see it come back towards my target - which is about 140lbs (63.5kg).

Have a great rest of the weekend everyone.

Another Spanking and New Punishments

Owner and i are heading away for a long weekend to Northern Ireland which means it is a shorter work week for us. However, i have had to work away from home on two occasions this week and so have had to be punished by Owner. The form of punishment i received was determined by the new 'working away from home' dice which She has introduced to encourage me to work from home, where i belong.

One of these two punishments will be completed when we return from our trip and will involve me being gagged for the duration of a TV series we both watch - about an hour - whilst we watch it. However, the second punishment was administered last night and comprised another 100 strikes from Her favourite leather paddle. Owner administered it during the World Cup half-time break. Once again it made quite an impact and left me with red and sore bottom.

This morning Owner declared how much She is enjoying these new punishments. She has also decided that discipline should  be used again as a learning aide to further my Spanish language learning. Years ago Owner used to regularly test me on how well i was doing with Spanish and then punish me if i was not doing well (i should say here that languages really are not my strong point). Anyway, i then had a period of ill-health and these study punishments ceased. That was a few years ago. Owner has now decided that She will re-start testing my Spanish and that i can expect to be punished for errors or mistakes.

So it looks like discipline and punishments will be playing a bigger part in my life from now on.

Learning and Development - Some Small But Significant Steps

The past few weeks have seen a couple of small but significant steps in my own learning but also in the progression and further deepening of my submission to Owner and Her control over, and treatment of, me. i will talk about the latter in a bit, first though i have some news concerning my own learning.

Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while will know that my Owner, and love of my life, is Spanish. Regular readers will also know that i have been trying (pretty unsuccessfully) for years to learn to speak Spanish and it has become one of Owners long-term projects and expectations of me. Under normal circumstances this might not be a big deal but for me it is as i have been an utter failure with languages throughout my life. Although i managed to do fairly well academically in other spheres (i have a history doctorate) when it comes to languages i have failed at every turn. Over the years i have tried French, German and even Arabic once all with the same results...failure. Although the rest of my family are all linguistically gifted i am not.

However, last year Owner laid down the challenge and expectation that, as part of my continuing development and training to become Her ideal wife She expected me to prepare for and enter a formal Spanish language exam. Specifically, the official Diploma of Spanish as a Foreign Language (DELE). This would sit alongside the other skills and learning She expects me to acquire ranging from giving facials, reflexology, massage, manicures, to knitting, embroidery etc, etc. In short, skills that might be useful to Her for me to have. Me knowing Spanish would, of course, be very useful/essential if She ever decided She wanted us to move to Spain, as one day She might.

i confess that i initially didn't have any expectations of passing but then as the months of practice passed i began to entertain thoughts that maybe i might. We agreed i should enter the beginners exam and see how i got on. The exam was held over two days in November last year and at the end of it i was convinced i had, once again failed. Owner tried to be positive but i didn' think i had done that well and started to try and psychologically prepare myself for a re-sit sometime this year. Imagine my delight and surprise then when the results arrived just over a week ago. i passed!! i was thrilled and amazed...for the very first time in my life i had actually passed a language exam! Owner was really pleased as well, However, we have already agreed that i will not be allowed to stop there but must now prepare to enter myself for the next level Spanish exam this autumn. There are many things that our relationship has helped to teach me and i have acquired a number of new skills. However, never in my wildest dreams did i imagine it might also help me start to learn a new language. Just another example of the many advantages an FLR/Femdom relationship can bring!

This weekend i also had an opportunity to demonstrate one of the other skills that i have started to acquire courtesy of Owner, namely jewellery making. Owner had me attend an introductory jewellery making course last year and now Her expectation is that i will produce a minimum of three new items for Her a month. This weekend i made Her some ear-rings. 

Meanwhile, this weekend also witnessed another small tightening of Owners overt control over me and Her treatment of me as Her slut. There are already many practical ways in which Owner exercises complete control over aspects of my life, these include;

• For many years now all decisions about what clothes i am permitted to wear and purchase have been Owners. i can suggest things to Her but am not allowed to buy anything unless She approves
•  Most purchases by me need Owners prior approval and all expenditure by me needs to be documented on a daily basis and made available to Owner to check at any time (we use Trello to document this and all other aspects of my submission, development and training)
• Any facebook posts (and of course blog entries) by me need prior vetting and approval from Owner before uploading
• i am only permitted to drink alcohol if and when Owner says so and am not permitted to try to seek Her approval to have a drink (this initially took a while to adjust to, especially when staying with family)
• Owner decides to what, when and where we go out - i may make suggestions but the decision is Hers
• We have got rid of/recycled most of my possessions
• All meal preparation, cooking, cleaning and other housework is my responsibility. Owner may help if She chooses but the expectation is that it is my job to do.
• Owner expects me to present Her with daily options for what i might prepare for dinner for Her to decide from
• An expectation that, unless She specifically says otherwise, i should always be doing something constructive and useful in my free time
• having an orgasm only if and when Owner permits me to (i spend much of my time in chastity) and accepting that my body is Owners to use for Her sexual pleasure

All of the above have gradually developed as part of my submission to Owner over the years.

To this list has now been added a new element of control that Owner first implemented this weekend. Namely, that when we eat out (as we do relatively frequently) Owner will choose what i am to eat. Owner stipulated this as a new requirement with the launch of the latest phase of Her development and training programme for me in December last year. However, by Her own admission it is something that She had forgotten to start to implement, that is until this weekend. On Sunday, for the first time, Owner decided what it was i was going to eat when we ate out.

For me it was another happily submissive and emasculating experience.  It did feel a little strange/unusual to realise that there was little/no point in me looking at the menu as the choice would be Owners entirely. However, it also felt right and as it should be. Ironically, Owner actually chose something for me that i wouldn't normally have picked for myself as though i will eat anything i have become accustomed to choosing dishes that Owner might want to eat as well in case She doesn't like Her first choice - Owners culinary tastes aren't as catholic as mine. i do hope that Owner taking control of what i may or may not eat becomes as much the norm as other aspects of my life that She now controls.

Once we returned from a day of shopping yesterday (during which Owner bought me a new bra and permitted me to buy a new blouse) we returned home for a session of bondage and torture. Owner enjoys tying me up and abusing and tormenting me and, over the years, has lost a lot of the initial reluctance She once felt about inflicting pain on Her wife. Where previously my wincing or evident discomfort would have elicited concern lest She had hurt me now Owner instead rightly chastises such responses by me as evidence of how i have become 'too fluffy'. Yesterday She bound my wrists and ankles to a chair, blindfolded me then clamped my nipples hard. Next, in return for honouring me with the pleasure of sniffing the crutch of Her used knickers, She administered 30 strikes with Her cane to my chastised clitty - directing Her strikes hard to my exposed testicles. The pain and discomfort was intense but seemed to serve only to spur Her on more. i truly do cherish Owners growing willingness to and evident enjoyment of the infliction of pain on me. It was particularly gratifying and exciting to sit bound helpless to the chair, nipples and 'bits' ablaze and listen to the sound and feel of Owner masturbating Herself to an orgasm with Her vibrator as She rubbed Herself hard against my body whilst all along my clit remained firmly (and tightly) locked in its metal chastity cage.

However, Owner took Her abuse and use of me further. She used one of Her dildo's to forcibly fuck my throat, having me repeatedly deep-throat the large rubber cock, pushing it deep into my throat, pulling my head down onto it, making me gag again and again. In between, She sprayed a small bottle of Her golden wine that She had filled in the bathroom, into my mouth, all over my face. She sprayed Her fake cock with Her golden nectar and had me lick it off, She sprayed it over my chest, She sprayed my locked clit. In short, She soaked me with Her piss as She fucked my face. It was a wonderful and degrading way to treat Her slut and it was a joy to behold and to be treated in such a manner by Her. i loved being face-fucked until i choked and snorted, loved being covered in Her urine - made to stick out my tongue and open my mouth wide to drink it, made to suffer pain and denial. In short, it was wonderful to be degraded as treated as Owners slut and whore and to experience Her inflicting pain, discomfort and humiliation as She pleasured Herself.

Afterwards, Owner again said how much She too had enjoyed Herself. Such comments, and Her evident readiness to treat and degrade Her wife this way, make me extremely happy. The greater and more overt Owners control over me becomes, the more She uses and abuses me physically, the more She degrades and exhibits me and the dirtier She treats me then the happier still i become. i truly am very lucky indeed.

Spanish and Spanking

Well Friday evening and Saturday morning i had my Spanish exams. Friday was the oral exam (no NOT that type of oral!) and then Saturday was listening, written etc. The exams were the DELE - Diplomas of Spanish as a Foreign Language. Although mine was the basic level exam it is a credit to Owner that She has got me to a point where i actually felt that i stood a chance of passing a Spanish exam, even a basic one. English aside i have no language ability whatsoever and have been an abject failure at languages all my life. Owner has helped me to learn and develop and become more confident with Spanish (it is even part of my development plan as Her wife). She is Spanish and so rightly wants me to understand Her native tongue. As my life is devoted to Her and to going wherever She goes then should She ever one day decide She would like to return to Spain then it is important that i have a reasonable grasp of the language and can assimilate. That said, we don't have any such plans at present and are very happy in London.

Anyway, back to the exams. They were OK, i don't think i did as well as i have done in some of the practice exams i have been sitting this past fortnight. But we shall see. i will find out in about 3 months time if i passed or not but Owner has said She is very proud of my efforts and how i have tried. i will continue studying and trying and i know this is something that She expects from Her wife.

Meanwhile, we continue to enjoy the deepening FLR/Femdom dynamic of our relationship together. My submission to Her  continues to deepen and so too does Her control over me. i have already started o implement some of the new requirements of the next stage of my development (Plin, Plan, Plon phase 4) which officially commences on the 1st December. This has been approvingly noted by Owner.

i also love the fact that Owner can and does paddle me. Last night was a case in point. i was washing up after having done some baking when Owner sidled up behind me, took the paddle from where it hangs next to the kitchen sink for just this purpose, and proceeded to paddle my naked backside. All the while i continued washing, my voice muffled by the dildo gag i always wear when washing and drying dishes. It was just one of those 'normal' (to us) moments of domestic interaction in our flat that Owner and i love so much.

With freshly pink buttocks

Gagged as always when washing-up/drying

You Have to Start Somewhere + A Final Warning

One of the challenges Owner set me as part of my ongoing development was to start publishing 'erotic' short stories. i posted my first attempt at such a story on this blog a few months ago and i am pleased to say that it is now available to also buy online as an e-book short story. i published it on Lulu.com and the the story can also be downloaded from Amazon, Kobo and Lybrary at present. Of course you can read it here for free but if you do purchase it (and it costs less than $1) any monies received go to Owner (not me) - so it is going to a good cause :)

This weekend i also registered to sit the Diplomas de Español como Lengua Extrajenera (Diploma in Spanish as a Foreign Language - DELE) exam in late November. i will be sitting the entry level exam. Those that have followed this blog for a while will know that Owner is Spanish but whilst Her English is excellent (better than mine) my Spanish was none-existent. In fact, although i am reasonably well educated (i have a PhD) languages have always been an utter disaster for me and i have no language qualifications at all and have never had the confidence to even try to sit a language exam. Well, all that will soon be changing because part of my training and development as Her submissive and more recently as Her wife has also been an expectation that i will study and learn Spanish and prepare for a DELE exam. Though i will only be sitting the basic level this really is a big deal for me as anyone who knows me will know what a struggle i have found learning any language to be (and in the past i have also tried French and German). There is, of course, no guarantee i will pass but even to have got to the point where i feel confident enough to pay to sit a language exam is quite a milestone for me. i know i will never become proficient in Spanish but hopefully i can at least get a basic qualification.

Meanwhile, talking of starting somewhere, on Saturday morning Owner demanded that i lick Her arse whilst She masturbated Herself to an orgasm. i was out of chastity and She also instructed that i make my clitty hard as my tongue probed deep inside Her delicious anus. It was a wonderful way to start the day - licking Owners arse is, in my view, both a privilege and an honour as well as being exquisitely delicious. But to do so and be made to make oneself hard but not permitted any form of release was pure torment, it was wonderful! It has now been 37 days since my last orgasm and i can honestly say that there is nothing i crave more than the opportunity to continue to pleasure Owner whilst i am kept denied myself (either in chastity or out). To be kept aroused and horny but frustrated and denied is to be very happy indeed!

Later in the day Owner and i headed into town and visited a fantastic bead and charm shop, called Beadworks, near Covent Garden for me to purchase some materials with which to start making some more jewellery. Owners plan is that i am eventually to make enough jewellery for me to open a little shop on Etsy. i have made Her a couple of small items (earrings and a bracelet) but i think i have quite a way to go before i am ready to open an emporium to the world! :)

Last, i also have to report that during our recent visit to Edinburgh i again broke one of the rules i should always adhere to, specifically i ordered an alcoholic drink without having Owners permission to do so. This is the second time i have broken this rule - something we both know is completely unacceptable. Owner should expect Her wife to be behaving as She ought to be at all times and to only drink alcohol if and when Owner has permitted it.

Owner was justifiably upset and demanded that i show Her that i was committed to changing my ways and to ensuring that i never break this rule in future. Specifically, She stipulated that i provide Her with a written commitment that showed contrite i was and which showed that i was serious about never again breaking this rule (you may recall i also broke it back in July when we visited my fathers). To prove to Owner how serious i was i tried to think of something that i considered would be a severe punishment, something that i would really hate to have to do and which would demonstrate my determination to never let it happen again. i am pleased to say that the suggestion was accepted by Owner. Therefore, if i ever have another alcoholic drink again in my life without Her having first granted explicit permission to do so i will not be permitted to wear makeup or a skirt for a period of three months as punishment. A second offence will double the duration of this punishment, a third triple it and so forth. i sincerely hope my lesson has been learnt and that Owner never has cause to enforce such punishments in future.

Clean Plates, Dirty Slut

Yesterday after dinner i did the washing-up as usual. There is a little routine that i have to follow each time i wash the dishes which is to affix a suction-cup dildo to the kitchen cabinet above the sink and fellate that whilst at the same time lifting up the back of my skirt and dropping my panties. It is a well-established routine and one that is now completely second nature - so much so that i have to remind myself not to do it when we have guests staying!

Anyway, as yesterday was a Monday and Owner now insists i do not wear panties on a Monday i had none to take down and so was just stood there, hands wrist deep in suds with my mouth fellating the dildo and my skirt hitched when i sensed Owner come up behind me. The next thing i knew She had lubed my pussy and slipped Her fingers inside me. As i sought to concentrate on cleaning the dishes Owner gradually thrust Her fingers deep inside me and then reached around, pulled down my top and began to caress my breasts. The mouth full of dildo meant i couldn't speak, just murmur but my hips gave me away as i ground down on Owners wrist like a slut. Owner then turned Her attention to my chastised clit and began to beat my testicles with a wooden spoon as i leant forward to afford Her better access and delighted in each blow, making my pussy wetter still.

No sooner had i finished cleaning the last of the dishes than Owner led me across the kitchen and had me sit down in the chair. She stood behind me and continued to caress and pull and twist my nipples and then told me to spread my legs apart and place my feet up on the table and finger my pussy.

So there i was, legs splayed apart playing with my pussy and moaning loudly whilst Owner pulled and twisted my nipples. i was in slut heaven and it showed. If only washing the dishes were always this much fun!

Yesterday was also a day off work for me so i tried to use my free time to good affect by cleaning the doors and windows to the flat (despite the fact it was -2C outside), adding some more recipes to my growing recipe database and finally studying some Spanish. The latter is something i really do need to improve my game on but am determined to try my best for Owner.