What To Wear?

The wonderful Mistress Marie left a comment recently asking whether i wore feminine clothes and make-up all the time, even when with relatives? Though i responded i thought the question of what we wear and when was an interesting one. Owner and i also discussed the question of clothing last night whilst we were out together, albeit this time talking about how Her attire is very different from that which women are so often depicted wearing on Femdom websites etc. The subject of clothing is what prompted this post.

What i Wear and When

Nowadays, with very few exceptions (which i shall come onto), i always wear women's clothing and full make-up, my nails are always painted, my shoes and coats are all women's ones and my underwear (if i am wearing any) is women's. My body is also accessorised with women's jewellery, rings, bangles, necklaces, ear-rings, a waist chain, nipple and belly jewellery, and of course my metal collar. My haircut is an androgynous one.

It wasn't always thus. When Owner and i first met i was the epitome of the Marks and Spencer's man (my apologies to non-UK readers for whom this may not mean anything). i always wore boring male clothes - usually dark jeans coupled with brown shoes and a brown or dark green jumper/top. My wardrobe, such as it was, was minuscule and very, very dull.

In contrast, the other week i was presented with an award at an event at work. The invitation said the dress-code was 'smart-casual'. i wore bright red trainers, black skin-tight jeggings and a pink blouse coupled with a white lace bra and panties and my usual make-up and jewellery. The other men all wore suit trousers, black shoes and a shirt. The women were rather more adventurous. Ten years ago i would have worn exactly what the men there were wearing. Soon after that i might have risked wearing women's underwear under my 'male' attire. Five years ago all of my clothing would have been female and my collar would have been in view. A few years ago you would also have seen some make-up on me if you'd looked closely. In short, how i dress now is very different from how i once did.

It is only very rarely that i will wear a dress or skirt in public but doing so doesn't fill me with terror as once it did. My attire is feminine but fairly androgynous. i don't try to pass as a woman but i don't dress like a man either. But i am very comfortable and happy with how i look - whatever that look may seem to others. Whereas once Owner used to be able to successfully punish and humiliate me by making me wear make-up in public now one of Her most effective punishments is to refuse to let me wear any make-up at all!

There are a few specific occasions though when i don't dress like that, when the make-up is voluntarily absent and you when you will find me wearing a male top (though still with women's trousers, shoes, underwear and all my jewellery on) and that is when we go to Spain to visit Owners parents and family. i suspect it would not bother them at all really if i did turn-up one day in the arrivals lounge at the airport wearing make-up and a blouse, but i can't imagine i ever would. It is not something i feel a need to do (i.e. i don't feel the need to look a bit feminine in every situation in life) and i wouldn't want to cause Owner any embarrassment either. She has been incredibly supportive and accepting of the fact that the man She first met all those years ago looks quite different from the wife She now has. It is Her that chooses or approves all of my clothes purchases, buys me make-up etc. In short, She couldn't have been more accepting of my femininity. But Her family has never seen or known me as that so why (for the sake of one or two weeks a year) make an issue out of nothing - i am happy to be in 'boy' mode in Spain.

That said, on one of my first trips to Spain soon after Owner and i first moved in together we arrived during one of the festival weeks. It was expected that you had to go out into town in fancy dress. Of course, the character i chose was female (Morticia) and so got to not only wear a dress tat night but also had Owner and Her sister do my make-up.

With my own parents and sister things are somewhat different. i make no attempt to wear 'boy' clothes (the couple of boy tops that are the only remaining males clothes i have are for Spain alone these days) and tend to either tone down my make-up or not wear any (if i am staying over i don't bring any with me). My parents have, however, seen me wearing make-up. Both have, on occasion, commented that i look a bit feminine but neither have ever made it an issue and, the last two Christmases the tops that my sister has bought me as presents have been women's tops.

In short, whereas my feminisation started 'forcibly' it very, very quickly became something that, to me at least, is completely normal. i love wearing women's clothes and make-up and, on the whole, think nothing of it. i don't look like a woman and don't try to pass as a woman but enjoy trying to look what Owner describes as 'pretty'. That said, i will and do revert to a sort of 'boy' mode on very rare and very specific occasions.

It seems funny to look back and think about how terrified i once used to be at being made to wear make-up. To illicit the same horrified (but fascinated) response now would entail being told that i had to go out and walk around in nothing but lingerie and a see-thru plastic coat. Maybe just like one of these that you can buy in Top Shop. Now there's a delicious thought!

Owners Outfits

If you believe the Internet then all dominant women in 24/7 Femdom/FLR relationships always wear tight leather/rubber skirts and corsets and stockings and heels, right? This is an unending source of annoyance for Owner who, though She does own and occasionally wear such outfits, is much, much, much more likely to be administering discipline and punishments or teasing and tormenting Her wife wearing something comfortable and practical.

At home Owner is most likely to be found in a pair of fluffy slippers, tracksuit bottoms and a loose top. In bed She wears pyjama trousers and a t-shirt and out of the house She will normally always be found in jeans, and a blouse or other long-sleeved top. If anyone at home is wearing a short skirt, heels and no knickers or a lace nightie in bed it is me, not Her. i suspect Owner is far from being alone in dressing like this. Quite rightly She wears what She likes and feels most comfortable in - just as She chooses what clothes She likes for me.

However, the Internet is replete with images of Dominant women that are essentially just male fantasies. What annoys Her most is where depictions of supposedly 24/7 Femdom relationships also have the Dominant woman wearing the same types of clothes. Maybe there are such couples out there where the woman always looks and dresses that way but i imagine the reality is closer to how Owner dresses. It is a shame that there are not sites or images that depict this as Owner, i know, initially struggled at the start of our relationship with thinking that She somehow ought to dress and look very differently to that She was comfortable with. This isn't to say that She doesn't sometimes dress-up in Her most alluring and glamorous lingerie, She does. But not on a day-to-day basis as some sites would have you believe is how a Dominant woman should always look. Dominance is a state of mind, it is not a look.

i am conscious that this is a much longer post than normal so thanks if you have managed to read right down to the end and please do let me know any thoughts or comments you may have.

A Great Way to Spend a Day

After baking Owner Her favourite sticky lemon bread in the morning we both retired back to bed for a kip after lunch. When Owner awoke She began to caress my nipples and pussy and then had me get on all fours on the bed and fellate the dildo that is not permanently attached to the foot of the bed post. As i sucked on the cock Owner pulled and twisted my nipples before instrcting me to fuck myself whilst She watchd and pleasured Herself with Her favourite vibrator. My chastised clit throbbed painfully inside its plastic cage as i pushed my pussy hard down on the dildo, delighting in the sensation of it lodged deep inside my pussy. Owner then encoraged me to start fucking myself hard and as She did so She positioned Herself right in front of me with Her legs parted and Her vibrator buzzing away. It was so wonderfully frustrating to see and smell Owners sex millimetres from my mouth whilst my hips bucked and gyrated as i eagerly fucked the dildo like a true whore. Owner smiled and asked whether i would like to be able to lick Her arse? i was soon pleading and begging Her to be allowed to slip my tongue inside Her, all the while still revelling in the sensation of the cock buried deep inside me. Eventually, Owner conceded to my pleading and turned around to position Herself on all fours and presented Her arse to my mouth. i eagerly spread Her cheeks apart and slid my tongue inside Her and we gyrated in unison, Owner grinding Her arse against my face whilst i ground mine against the dildo. As Owner climaxed i could feel Her sphincter muscles contract and expand around my tongue, surely there is nothing more pleasurable than to have the honour and privilege of physically experiencing your Owners orgasm? Drained Owner sank down onto the bed and instructed me to clean-up and get changed. i was left feeling deeply horny and very frustratingly aroused.

Later in the day we both went out to one of our local pubs for a drink. It is the first time we have been to this establishment in ages and we both agreed we ought to go more often (how easy it is to sometimes overlook places that are on your doorstep). It was the first time we have visited a pub so close to home with me wearing full make-up, a low-cut top with jeans and my 'outdoor' leather collar. i confess i was a little nervous which i put down to the much more heightened chance that i might bump into someone i know. i need not have worried though as, though busy, no-one paid any particular attention to my attire and no-one i knew walked in. That said, if someone had i don't think i'd have minded too much as in a way i'd love for my 'secret' to be out and not to feel that i am always slightly hiding who i truly am. We'd both love to meet some like-minded couple(s) who we could socialise with though.

All in all it was a wonderful way to spend a day.

What Am i And Does It Matter?

Watching the Pride Parade yesterday with Owner got me thinking, what am i? Until my early twenties i identified myself as male and hetrosexual until a couple of sexual experiences with men caused me to re-think and start describing myself as bi-sexual. None of these was ever more than a one night stand and i could never imagine having a relationship (not that i'd want another relationship i hasten to add as i'm delighted with the one i'm in) with a man so i'm not even sure it's a valid description. That was also many years ago but still i describe myself, if asked, as bi-sexual.

During my 20s i also started to fantasise about domination and submission, with me as the sub, and of dressing up in women's clothes. In truth i can remember doing this as a child but then who didn't? However, i didn't identify myself as a cross-dresser or transvestite, just someone exploring his sexuality. When Owner and i met i told Her of my growing interest in wearing women's lingerie and also of my submissive tendencies. That got us started on our ever evolving Femdom relationship with me wearing panties etc under my normal clothes. Gradually an element of 'forced femme' was introduced with Owner demanding i occasionally wear make-up in public and allowing me to purchase some more pretty clothes to wear at home. However, still i identified myself as a bi-sub, not a transvestite or cross-dresser.

To my own surprsise as much as anything else though i quickly became used to wearing make-up and Owner began to have me dress prettily at home at all times and i began to be a bit more daring with what i would wear outdoors. i started to notice women too, no not in that way! No, i began to take note of what they were wearing and wishing i could wear the same outfits too, sometimes even wishing i had their body shape or hair style.

As my wardrobe quite literally grew so i began to describe myself as a cross-dressing bi-sub. But it didn't stop there. Owner and i ibegan to describe my cock (which is invariably in chastity and which i have absolutely zero desire to use for penetrative sex - and if i think about it have never really been that interested in) as my 'clit'. My arse became my 'pussy' and Owner now enjoys taking and fucking Her whore whenever She feels like it. We've practised stretching it so that it can now be easily fucked by most things and the truth is that i love nothing more than to be fucked hard in my 'pussy' and stretched open wide. Over the course of this year Owner has also been getting me to improve my oral sex techniques on a variety of dildo's and now not a day goes by when i am not sucking a dildo at least a few times a day, for example when doing the washing-up. OK, so to recap, i'm submissive, bi, like to dress-up on femme and be fucked whilst kept in chastity so does that make mean i'm a sissy?

Maybe i am. However, the popular image of a sissy is of someone resplendent in frills or a maid's outfit. Now, i have nothing against this at all and indeed love to wear such outfits myself on occasion. But most of the time i desire to look as 'normally' female as possible not dressed as a maid or in frills. When i go out i love to be wearing a bra with a feminine top, girls jeans, women's shoes, make-up. However, what i wear and am allowed to purchase is that which Owner approves of  and grants Her permission for so i don't wear a bra everyday, as this has not been granted, nor do i yet wear skirts in public though i would love to. i am growing my hair at the moment so that i might one day have a more passably feminine hair-cut.

However, all of the above is tempered by the fact that i don't go all out to be a woman. i have no desire to take hormones, although i do sometimes fantasise about having maybe just tiny little breasts and would love one day to have my facial hair lasered. My feminisation, if you can call it that is part sexual, i do get a sexual kick out of being dressed up but now it also feels quite natural i.e. in no way can it now be described as being in any way 'forced'. There are still things i haven't done or worn and would be nervous as hell about doing so, but i'd get over it and know from past experience that once done would become steadily easier and easier until eventually the norm.

So hence the question, what am i and does it matter. Well i think i'm a bit of a transvestite, part sissy, with elements of cross-dresser, who sometimes has the mind of a t-girl, male....er sort of! i know it doesn't matter and that these are all just labels but none of them actually seems to fit. i also though have a sneaking suspicion that in a few years time my only particular point on the spectrum between 100% male and 100% female will have shifted again and will probably keep shifting throughout life. The only constants i imagine will be my naturally submissive nature

My conclusion to all this is that it doesn't really matter at all how one describes oneself. i'm the happiest i've ever been, am in the best place i've ever been and the most wonderful relationship i've ever been in. Both Owner and i have grown and evolved as our relationship has developed and keep learning and growing  and having fun every day.

Talking of having fun, i am, of course, a terrible exhibitionist (oh come on like you didn't notice!) and here's a gratuitous photo Owner took just before She had me fist my own pussy whilst She masturbated whilst straddling my face

To My Best Friend, Lover and Partner - My Owner

This weekend marks the fifth anniversary of when Owner and i first met. After initially meeting-up in cyberspace, at a time when we were both going through divorces, we met in person at Bond Street tube station before going for a coffee and then an Italian. We will be going back to that same restaurant again this weekend, as we do every year.

It would be another five months before what started as 'just friends' became 'friends and lovers' and a little longer still before Owner accepted my invitation to move in with me. At the time i wrote Owner a letter outlining my desire to submit to Her and to become Her submissive partner. For me this was the first time i had ever been able to openly confess what had been, until that point of my life, a hidden and buried aspect of my character. That i felt able and confident enough to write that letter speaks volumes for what a truly wonderful and remarkable woman Owner is even though this was uncharted territory for Her too.

But going back to our first meeting, little did i know that the person i was waiting to meet at the tube station would have such a wonderful, profound and enriching impact upon my life. The past five years have been like starting life all over again. i can truly say that they have been the best and most wonderful years of my life. Yes, we've had our occasional moments, as all couples do, and no i've not always been the perfect submissive partner we've both striven for. But what we have had is fun, hilarity, excitement and a shared sense of pure joy and adventure i never thought i would ever get to experience.

In that same time i have also changed and developed (for the better) under Owners expert guidance and tuition and Her Dominant side has grown and flourished. They truly have been the best years of my life and i look forward to a lifetime of continuing on our journey together. And thank you Owner for the wonderful book you bought me yesterday Miss Vera's Cross-Dress For Success: A Resource Guide for Boys Who Want to be Girls i promise to remain your Poppet forever.

This song is for you;

Everyday Items = Some of the Best Toys

i was reminded this weekend how, no matter how much we may all fork out small fortunes for the latest disciplinary or other implement to hit the market, sometimes cheap and cheerful everyday items can trump them every time. Owner and i went away for the weekend and as we were staying with relatives did not take along any of the usual toys that Owner likes to inflict on me (and if i'm being honest i love too!). However, this morning when we had some time to ourselves Owner soon had me wriggling and moaning in painful ecstasy courtesy of three items that together probably cost little more than a pound. The items in question were two elastic hairbands and a plastic hairbrush. Owner wrapped one hair band through each of my pierced nipples and then pulled them tight and taught and tied them off to each other, before commencing to pluck and play with them. Meanwhile, She used the plastic hairbrush to devastating affect on my testicles, slapping and scratching and generally giving them a good old beating. It was one of the most 'intensely experienced' testicle and nipple torture experiences i have had for a while, and all using cheap everyday items. In these credit-crunched times it is worth remembering that cheap can be extremely effective!

Meanwhile, no further mention has been made by my family of the infamous 'list' i emailed to them (see previous post) - and i'm certainly not about to raise it with them, so let's hope the matter can quietly die away and my embarrassment with it. Although this evening, whilst putting out the recycling in my skirt and blouse, i did rather surprise my neighbour when she came out to do the same and saw me so attired. i do get the sense that i'm probably the only male in the neighbourhood who dresses fem. Mind you, it could have been worse, at least i wasn't wearing my frilly pink, backless and extremely short maid's outfit!

Why i Love The Weekend

It may seem an obvious thing to say, after all who amongst us that works Monday-Fridays is going to not like the weekend? However, for me the weekend is extra special as that is the time when i am expected and able to dress in feminine attire the whole time. Yep, Friday night sees the nail varnish go on and the nervous excitement build at the prospect of public outings in make-up and pretty clothes. i get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it, but each time gets a little easier than the last and Owner has been encouraging and supporting me to increase my feminisation in public.

When i first started being 'forcibly-femmed' - by that i mean not just wearing pretty panties under everyday work clothes (something i do everyday and have done for some years) but wearing something that is visible to the public i was totally terrified. i can still remember the time Owner took me to a restaurant (it was my birthday) and mid-way through the meal produced a bag and instructed me to go to the toilets and put on the contents - make-up - i was mortified. i did, of course, do as instructed but didn't dare to meet anyones eyes and was a nervous and embarassed squirming wreck - albeit in a good way! i had discussed with Owner my interest in being femmed and this was my public introduction. That was followed by other little public 'challenges' - going to the shops wearing make-up or having to purchase feminine items designed to embarass me, such as try on high heels in a busy shop etc.

However, now being femmed and being able to dress feminine in public is something that i actively look forward to - although the nerves are still there, just less. Now every evening after work i put on make-up and dress pretty and sluttily for Owner, but it is only really the weekend when i get to promenade in public with Owner. It's been fascinating, from my own perspective, to see how much more confident i have become - more so than i ever felt possible - and i believe this new-found confidence has also manifested itself positively in other areas of my life. So the weekend is now a time to look forward to and relish and to put my best foot forward, hold my head high, look other Londoners in the eye and say to myself - 'i don't care what you think of me or how i look, my Owner loves me, i love her and am happy with how i am, deal with it!'

The only thing that i haven't yet tried or been asked to try by Owner is wearing a skirt in public - other than to an event. My outdoor femme experience is still limited to full make-up, pretty tops, collar, heeled boots and women's jeans i.e. no skirts to date. i hope one day that Owner will request that too. i'll be a nervous wreck again but am now confident i could do it and once done once, well as they say...a slut does like to be seen in a skirt.

Housewife Ambitions

For nearly a year now i have entertained a fantasy/ambition of becoming my Owners housewife. i say this for a number of reasons. Firstly, the world of work does not interest me, by this i do not mean that i am lazy (well ok a little!) but rather than i find the routine stifflingly dull and unrewarding. i have many and varied interests in life, some of which take-up a considerable amount of time but none of which is actually 'work' in the paid sense. The downside of these interests though is that i often find that the domestic duties that i should and need to organise, things like cooking, cleaning etc can interfere with and reduce the amount of time i spend with my Owner just the two of us enjoying each others company. i reason that if i had more time during the day by staying at home i could not only get these tasks properly completed and organised ready for when Owner returns home, but that i would also start to keep a much tidier flat as a consequence. i would also have more time to devote to the care of my Owner, and could even learn some new skills via day classes.

As you can tell from my profile picture i also like to wear women's clothing, something that my Owner encourages...infact the sluttier the better! i'll post more about this another time. The point here though is that for work i have to slip back into the clothes that society expects someone of my gender to wear at work - or at least they do in my job. i've wrested before with whether to describe myself as a TV. i'm still not convinced i am. Although i wear women's clothes and make-up i've never gone so far as to try to pass myself off as a woman. For example, although i like to keep myself mostly clean shaven, i don't shave my arms (though i do under my arms). i don't wear a wig or have a woman's hairstyle either. i also know that Owner prefers her pet to look feminised but not so feminised as to actually look like a woman. i sometimes wonder whether it is the views that i know Owner has that has stopped me taking my feminisation further. i did start to 'shape and pluck' my eyebrows about 8 months ago but Owner didn't seem to approve and so i desisted. Part of me is intrigued by the idea of taking my own feminisation further but i would never do so unless such a development were to be approved of and sanctioned by Owner - which i suspect is not that likely.

But i digress! This was supposed to be about why i aspire to be a housewife. Well the above is related because were i to be able to adopt such a role then concerns about what to wear 'at work' would no longer apply. i would be free to wear the clothes and outfits that i feel most comfortable and most myself in and which Owner either buys for me or gives me permission to purchase for myself.

i also feel strangely that, career-wise, i have achieved all that i set out to do back many years ago when i started. i can't see any way that i will progress further and am terrified of the prospect of just doing the same old thing for another 30ish years! God how dull! Owner, in contrast, continues to develop and grow in her job and with her skills. She often underates just how much talent she packs, but i feel sure that great opportunities still lie ahead of her should she wish to pursue them. Whereas, for me, work-wise i feel my own best is now behind me. i'm comfortable with this thought but not with the idea of still doing the same old thing. At home though i could develop further my own skills and interest in cooking, gardening, home care etc. i know this is a selfish thought and some might argue that i should be the one doing all the work and supporting my Owner, enabling her to have more free time to relax and enjoy life. i would love this too as time apart from her is horrible. But i know she also enjoys some (at least) aspects of her work. Freelance would be maybe be ideal.

Unfortunately, though the economics of one of us not working or earning something do not stack-up. So being a housewife will just have to remain a dream, albeit a pleasant, wistful one.