Leaks and Lakes

Owner and i have just returned form a lovely little trip to Geneva in Switzerland. The weather was glorious with clear views across to Mont Blanc. We had a lovely relaxing time. During our brief visit we took a boat trip out on the lake, enjoyed craft beers and fine food, ate chocolate and wandered around the old town and the Botanical Garden. Geneva was everything i imagined it might be, clean and pretty.

By Lake Geneva

with the famous water fountain in background

in the botanical garden

But the city also threw-up a few surprises as well. Take the area around the train station which still has an active red light district with many street prostitutes working (not a common sight these days). The prostitutes were all wearing vertiginous high-heeled boots but had all taken the sensible option of sitting on chairs outside rather than standing. i don't blame them as those heels must be killers. i joked to Owner that if ever we fell on hard times Geneva train station would be a spot i could come to to try and earn our keep.

Whilst we were there Owner gifted me the treat of enjoying Her delicious anus with my tongue whilst She pleasured Herself with Her vibrator. She also rubbed Her sex against my caged little clit and generally teased and tormented me before leaving me frustrated, aroused and horny after She'd had Her full. Needless to say Her teasing led to a bit of leakage on my part, albeit not as much as a that i experienced about a week ago.

On that occasion Owner briefly released my caged clit and teased and caressed it repeatedly before eventually stopping. i didn't cum but my clit leaked quite copiously, much to my embarrassment.

We are still living in chaos at home as our kitchen works have still not been completed. Both of us have now lost our patience over this and are just desperate to get the work finished so we can fully reclaim our little flat and live undisturbed by builders and disruption again.

300 Days Denied and Others Reasons to be Grateful

So today marks the 300th day i have spent in denial. It has been excactly 300 days (about 10 months) since i last had an orgasm. It has been quite a journey of discovery and one that i am hugely grateful to Owner for enabling me to experience. As i write i have no idea whether or not it might last another 300 days more. It could, it could end tomorrow, only Owner knows the answer. Personally, i love my new permanently chaste state.

the view between my legs

This does not mean i have been locked up in chastity throughout this period. Readers will know Owner has a chastity dice that decides whether or not i get to be locked up or not. There have been short periods on this journey that i have been unlocked but for the most part my clit has been safely secured away. The next chastity dice roll will take place on the 11th November.An orgasm in chastity is not impossible and has happened a number of times before. However, this year Owner has taken precautions to ensure that i never become too excited and thus She has been able to tease and torment me and have me pleasure Her without risking an orgasm for me.

i am so grateful for having the opportunity to be kept in long-term denial like this, It has long been a fantasy of mine and now it has come true. i truly hope to be kept like this for many months, perhaps years, to come. What i adore the most though is the knowledge that ultimately i have no say in the matter. Owner could choose to have me come now or keep me like this until i die. The control is all Hers. That is what i love the most.

This has also been a good weekend for other reasons. Yesterday Owner and i joined my mum, aunt, my sister and my nephew marching through the streets of Central London with hundreds of thousands of others protesting that we want to stay in the European Union. We gathered in Parliament square in the rain at the end of the march to watch a crucial vote in the House of Commons and were delighted when MPs' voted to deny the Prime Minister the right to remove the country from the EU without his agreement being subject to proper Parliamentary scrutiny. Poor Boris was enraged (ha, ha) but MPs were simply doing there job. The delay buys some more time to try and see if Brexit can be halted or reversed. Perhaps it can't but we will keep trying and protesting until the end.

protestors on the march

In other matters, you might recall that we have builders in doing our kitchen. The work was supposed to have been completed last week. It is still not finished. Neither Owner nor i are amused at all by this, in fact we are both fuming.

Night Away

Owner and i are just back from a lovely overnight stay at the Bermondsey Square Hotel. This is a hotel we have stayed at a few ties before, principally on account of the fact that the rooftop suite we like to stay in has an outdoor jacuzzi/hot-tub with great views over London. So yesterday afternoon and then again after dinner Owner and i were to be found floating about in a tub outside in the rain. It was wonderful and we repeated the experience after breakfast, albeit this time without the rain.

In between stints in the tub Owner took me out to a lovely Argentinian restaurant called Constancia for dinner last night where i got to enjoy the delights of Bife de Chorizo - it was delicious. The hotel stay and meal were both to mark the fifteenth anniversary of the night when Owner first kissed me and our relationship went from purely platonic to, well the start of where we are today.

Here are a couple of pictures of us in the rooftop jacuzzi

me in my bikini

Owner and i

Owner also took this picture of me snuggled up at Her feet whilst She was watching TV in bed. i think it is quite cute

This morning, after returning to the jacuzzi one last time, there was time for a very quick photoshoot in the hotel. Unfortunately, i seem to have forgotten to smile even though i was enjoying myself immensely

All in all, it was a wonderful anniversary treat and i had a wonderful time. How lucky i am!

The Little Moments In Life

Sometimes it is the little moments in life that tell you a lot about a person. Today was one such moment. Quite early this morning the doorbell rang with a delivery. i skipped excitedly downstairs (i was working from home) and opened the door. The delivery man had a large flat box for me. On seeing the box i was immediately really excited. My new dress or my new shoes or the wig Owner had ordered for me? Surely it must be one of those?

i took the box (which was surprisingly heavy for it size), signed for it then bounced back upstairs to open it. To my disappointment it was not the outfit Owner had ordered for me, nor was it the matching shoes or the wig She has bought me. No. It was a kitchen tap. We are in the midst of having a new kitchen installed and the delivery was a tap for the kitchen sink. Useful but oh so disappointing compared to what i had hoped it might be.

i messaged Owner to relay the tale. She thought it hilarious and that it neatly sums me up. Oh well, the dress, shoes and wig will come one day.

Anniversary Anime

Today marks the fifteenth anniversary of when Owner first kissed me. It was in the middle of Charing Cross station and it marked the moment when we moved from being 'just friends' to a more intimate relationship. Owner had tired of waiting for me to make a move (i am actually quite shy in that regard) and so grabbed me and kissed me passionately. That kiss eventually to Her moving in with me, me submitting to Her, Owner taking full control over my life and eventually us getting married and me becoming Her wife. That first kiss is an event we celebrate every year and this year is no exception.

To mark the occasion this year Owner took me out for drinks and a meal last night and announced that Her present to me is to take the form of a Japanese cosplay outfit for me to wear and Her to photograph me in. The outfit Owner has chosen is a super appropriate one. It is the character Hideri Kanzaki from the Japanese anime Blend S.  You can see a picture of the character below

Hideri is actually a male character. He is a cross-dresser who wants to hide his masculine side and appear very feminine. He loves to look cute but who is also very vain. Owner thinks it is the perfect character for me and so is buying me the Hideri Kanzaki outfit as Her anniversary gift to me.

i think it is the perfect present to receive from Owner. i absolutely adore these types of outfits and have always wanted to have one and be able to prance and pose in it. The fact that i will be wearing one that relates to a character who is actually a boy but who aspires to be a girl makes Owners' choice even more inspired. i know there are cafes in Japan where the staff wear outfits very similar to the one in the illustration - it is a fantasy of mine to be able work in such a place. Owner also thinks it would be the perfect job for me.

The anime itself is a really interesting one. It too is set in a cafe and includes a sadist waitress, a submissive manager and a host of other interesting characters. There is even one called 'Owner' - though this is a dog. Anyway, i cannot wait to dress-up in character.

My present to Owner is a return visit to one of Her favourite London hotels' complete with private rooftop hot tub. We are going next weekend and i cannot wait to spend the evening relaxing in our swimsuits together. i think we might really need a break by then as next week we are having a new kitchen installed and so we have days of builders and general chaos to look forward to, not! Still it will be worth it when we have a new kitchen in which i can prepare Owner's meals.

On Punishments and Consequences

Owner has a number of principles that inform Her approach to Her domination and control over me. One of these is that Her time is important to Her and that She expects Her control over me to help free up time for Her to spend how She likes, not add additional demands on Her time. To that end She looks for ways to increase and maintain Her control over me which do not require significant additional effort on Her part. In many sub/Dom relationships the dominant partner can often spend a lot of time focused on the desires of their sub. This can be time the dominant enjoys spending and Owner enjoys times like this too. However, She also expects my serving Her should free up time for Herself and not create additional burdens for Her.

One way this manifests itself is in the use of the dice for deciding punishments or challenges etc that i need to undertake. Once Owner has come up with an initial set of ideas to load the dice with She can then relax and let chance decide what i will need to do rather than Her having to think of something all the time. Periodically, the dice are updated and loaded with new instructions of Her devising but they are essentially a sort of time and labour saving device that provide me with the discipline, consequences or challenges that i need and crave whilst ensuring Owner gets to spend as much time as She likes doing other things.

Another principle that informs Owner's approach is that a 24/7 Femdom life needs to be practical and fun.She is not a sadist nor i a masochist. She will inflict pain and discomfort but does not seek to 'break' me, though whether She perhaps should is another matter (i write rather nervously knowing that Owner will review this post before it is published). Owner also likes to keep things light-hearted and fun. We do not do 'sessions', we live and act as we do 24/7 and i don't think either of us could sustain for very long a very hardcore and intense Dom/sub relationship. Though i submit completely to Owner and She controls pretty much all aspects of my life outside of work i am not Her slave and neither has She ever asked me to become her slave. She teases me that i am fluffy and could not handle life as a real slave but i equally think it is not what She would ever want Herself either. She absolutely is in control but that control is not enforced with an iron rod.

So time-saving (for Owner) and fun are both important facets of our relationship and these tend to be reflected in the ways that Owner exercises Her control over me. If Owner is annoyed with an aspect of my behaviour She will make Her feelings quite clear verbally and admonish me, only rarely will She actually physically punish me. In the meantime, the dice are used to keep me on my toes, break down some of my remaining inhibitions, practice my skills, increase my pain tolerance and discourage me from working away from home as much as possible.

With that in mind, here are some examples of more recent dice-determined things i have had to do recently

eating my dinner whilst blindfolded - incidentally i eat all my meals from this dog bowl

washing-up naked except for a pair of hold-ups and my furry butt-plug

The video below shows me self-administering one of the more 'uncomfortable' dice punishments - beating my 'plums' with Owner's favourite leather paddle

Owner Catches Up

With Owner not having been very well and then having the stress of interviews i had fallen behind in receiving some of the punishments i had accrued. i was due a number of outstanding punishments as a consequence of having gone into the office a few times this past week rather than working from home as Owner expects. Today was an opportunity to catch-up on a few of these punishments.

As usual for such punishments the precise nature had been determined by the roll of Owners' 'office working dice'. i had accrued two sets of 100 spankings from Owner's favourite leather paddle - nicknamed 'gatuno' as it is cat shaped. The third punishment consisted of being tied up whilst watching a TV episode with Owner.

Owner started the day with the tying-up punishment. Here i am early in the morning tied-up on the sofa in my nightie, dressing-gown and slippers.

 The day ended with me receiving 200 spanks on my bottom from Owner's favourite leather paddle.

There are two further such working away from home punishments still to catch-up with. One is cooking wearing just stockings and my furry-tailed butt plug and the second is eating dinner blind-folded. i will be completing both tomorrow.

A Good Week

This has been that rarest of things, an unequivocally good week. Our Prime Minister was rightly found to have broken the law by the Supreme Court (and let's just take a moment to admire the wonderful Lady Hale, president of that court). And impeachment proceedings have kicked off against US President Trump.

The past few years have, in many ways, been quite shit, but this as definitely been a good week. To add to the mood of general celebration Owner has also got a new job. She has not liked Her current job and these past few years have been a struggle for Her. A combination of physical ailments and hormonal changes (it's that time of life for us both) have all too often left her quite low and doubting Her own abilities.

This the offer of a new (and very good) job is a welcome development.

Today we headed out to a theatre and then for some drinks. It was wonderful to be able to just spend some time together. It has been a good week.

in the pub with Owner

Full Term...And Beyond

We have just marked a bit of a milestone, it has now been over nine months since i last had an orgasm. It is not that i have not enjoyed any moments of sexual pleasure in that time, quite the opposite.  i have had the privilege of being able to feast on Owners' delicious derrier. i have been smothered by Her as She has ridden my face to orgasm. She has ground Herself against my body as She has brought Herself off. i have eagerly sucked Her vibrator clean after it was slick with Her juices. i have worshipped Her breasts and fellated Her 'cock'. She has fucked me with Her strapon and my swollen 'plums' have been spanked and slapped until they throbbed hard...for hours, sometimes days. However, not once have i been allowed to cum. Instead i have been granted the opportunity to experience the delirium of desire that comes from being kept denied for days upon days, month after month. And i am extremely grateful.

Owner has always been clear. My body is there for Her pleasure alone. Sex will only ever be initiated by Her and will always be on Her terms. My role is to please and pleasure Her whenever She should desire that i do so. In the past though She used to let me cum, it was always on Her terms.

However, the number and frequency of my orgasms has declined over time as Her expectations grew that my role was to pleasure Her.  Orgasms when they came were always combined with pain and came tinged with disappointment. Those orgasms i was permitted were mostly beaten out of me, they were achieved through Owner spanking my testes... hard. Orgasm via the sweet ecstasy of pain. They were amazing. Until meeting Owner i never knew you could cum that way or quite how fucking good to be beaten that way feels. i loved how the pain and discomfort, intense at first as my balls were struck hard, morphed into the most exquisite pleasure. But whereas now Owner will stop before the rush of an orgasm overtakes me and i am pleading to be allowed to cum, then She would let me explode.

But that instant of release from an orgasm that had just been, quite literally, beaten out of me was always tinged with dissappointment because in truth the longer the gap between orgasms, the longer i was kept in denial, the more i came to relish that denied state. Post-orgasm i felt flat. Gone were the raging torrents of desire that filled my thoughts each hour of the day and lifted me ever higher the longer i was kept denied. Gone was the longing, the high peaks of yearning, the rushing, tumbling, turbulent streams of denial.  After the transient pleasure of release the landscape lay flat and featureless. Then time would pass and the emotional scenery would start to change as my frustration and yearning once agan kicked and i would once more enter the foothills of extended denial.

Nine months in and i am back high amongst the mountains. i would love to cum but i crave the intensity of denial even more. It is a strange feeling. But here, amidst the wilderness i have no wish to return to the valley below. i wish nothing more than the opportunity to continue to pleasure my Owner whenever She so desires, to revel in the taste and scent of Her. To bring Her pleasure whilst experiencing the wonder of denial. As someone once said, 'it is not about the destination but the glory of the ride' and the ride is sublime. i don't know how long Owner will leave me up in the mountains of denial, indeed whether She will ever again lead me back down. But it is a state i have come to love.

In the meantime, Owner and i went out for lunch today in Dulwich. As you can see from the picture below we had quite the feast! i am so lucky to have met Her and to be able to spend my life with Her. She treats me in so wonderful many ways

Fucked by Owner

After breakfast this morning Owner said to me that She would like to take me back to bed to 'explore my body'. What followed next was wonderful. Owner strapped Herself into Her new dildo and then had me fellate Her 'cock' to demonstrate the skills i have been practising the past few months. Then She lay on Her side and presented Her delicious backside to me for me to lick whilst She pleasured Herself to an orgasm with the strap-on bullet vibe. i absolutely adore having my tongue inside Owners arse and it was wonderful to feel Her sphincter muscles contract and quiver around my tongue as She came.

Next, Owner had me position myself on all fours and, after first spanking my chastised clitty and my 'tight little plums', She then lubed my 'pussy' and began to play with it with Her fingers. She caressed its entrance and then inserted Her fingers as i moaned contentedly like the greedy whore i am. Owner remarked how big, wet and welcoming my pussy was before positioning Herself behind me and sinking Her 'cock' into me. She switched on the bullet vibe positioned in the gusset of the strap-on to pleasure Herself and then instructed me to fuck myself on Her dildo 'like a whore'. i needed no further encouragement and began to ride Her phallus, delighting in the sensation of Her cock sliding in and out of me, pushing down on it as far as i could with each thrust of my hips as Owner focused on the pleasure the vibe was providing Her.

After fucking myself on Her cock for a few minutes the embedded bullet vibe purring against Her clit brought Owner to another climax and She withdrew, leaving me wet and aching for more. We lay snuggled contentedly on the bed as i revelled in the sensation of intense frustrated desire as my caged clit throbbed and my whole body tingled.

It was a wonderful way to start the day. My orgasm drought continues but i feel absolutely wonderful!