This coming Monday the 23rd of December will mark one whole year that i have been kept orgasm free by Owner. My year in denial - 365 days without cumming. Although much of that time has seen me locked in chastity this has not always been the case and there have been days or even the odd week when i have been 'set-free'. However, at such times i have been good and have refrained from touching myself and so i can truthfully say that 2019 will have been my first year spent without cumming since my early teens, i.e. decades ago!

The experience has been quite an intense one at times. i am semi-permanently horny but also anxious to remain denied for longer still. Whether this happens or not is of course down to Owner and She has already set me a good test of my self-control. When we rolled the chastity dice on the 11th of this month to see whether i should be released or remain locked the dice stated that i should stay locked without release for another month. However, Owner over-ruled it (and it is Her dice after all - She determined what each face of the dice says) and advised that on the 23rd of December, my one year of denial anniversary, i am to unlock myself and stay unlocked at least until the New Year. i am sure i will continue to be good and refrain from touching myself. Whether or not Owner has any plans to bring my period of denial to an end i don't know. i would like it to continue and perhaps even be kept this way indefinitely, existing sexually solely to bring Owner pleasure whilst remaining denied from achieving an orgasm of my own. But that will be Onwers' choice, not my own.

So, why is it me unlocking myself on Monday and not Owner? This is where the 'sadness' reference in the blog post title comes into play. Owner and i, as sadly is all too often the case at this time of year, will be apart over Christmas. Tomorrow She returns to Spain to stay with Her family and shortly afterwards i will be heading down to the South Coast to spend Christmas with mine. However, the good news is that i will be travelling out to Spain to join Owner with Her family just after Christmas and will be there, with Her, for the New Year before we both return back to the UK. We both hate being parted like this and are hoping that next Christmas we will be able to spend it together before the Christmas family rotations begin again.

But for now, to all who read this blog Owner and i wish you a very merry Christmas and we hope that 2020 brings you joy and happiness and a lot of fun.
Regular blog visitors will know that i am a bit of an exhibitionist and love to be set 'challenges' to complete that involve me appearing in public wearing something suitably unsuitable! Well, today i was again working from home and so this time it was time for me to undertake an outdoor dice challenge. The dice was duly rolled in Owners presence before we went to bed last night and it determined that i was to go to our local park wearing a short skirt and fishnet stockings.

The weather forecast for today was a bit grim (lots of rain) and so i had feared that i would get rather wet and that there might be nobody about to see me. i was wrong! The weather was dry, albeit very overcast and there were lots of people on route, both to and inside the park. Joggers, dog walkers, mothers with pushchairs etc. On the way there i got stared at by numerous passengers in a passing bus and then hooted by the driver of a van.  Various people walked past me in the park itself but nobody said anything and i was able to stop and pose for some pictures, send Owner my 'evidence' of a challenge completed and then return back home. All in all i was outside in my red heel shoes with fishnet stockings and skirt for a little over twenty minutes, and back in time for my work teleconference. As ever it was a great thrill to do. Here are some pictures from my little adventure

in the park

Looking excited as about to leave the house
on route to the park
Owner has said that She is going to review all of my dice challenges next year as they are becoming too enjoyable for me and 'easy'. i have to confess that a few years ago i would never have dared go to my local park dressed as i was or walk around the neighbourhood having van drivers hoot their horns at the sight of me in my stocking clad legs. i confess it is quite an addictive thrill and i am grateful to Owner for pushing me to do it. i am fast becoming quite the happy outdoor slut!
Yesterday Owner and i went into town to do a bit of last minute Xmas shopping, mother if you are reading this you are getting a pair of lined leather gloves. The area around Oxford Street was heaving with people, an almost solid wall of humanity, and so we escaped to one of the pubs we know down a side street. Owner had made a reservation earlier for the two for dinner to have dinner so we planned to have a couple of drinks then head to our meal. However, not long after arriving in the pub Owner started to feel unwell and so we went home and i cooked dinner instead. Then we spent the evening watching a couple of programmes on the iPlayer. Not quite the evening we had planned but a very relaxing one nonetheless.

This morning Owner appeared to have got Her mojo back for She woke me up by gently caressing my nipples through the lace fabric of my baby doll nightie. My nipples are like bullets at the best of times these days and are deliciously sensitive to the touch and Owner's caresses quickly brought them to full attention. Owner continued to caress them then had me strip off out of the baby doll whilst She in turn removed Her knickers which She then placed over my head, ensuring the aromatic gusset was positioned right under my nose.

Owner then switched Her attention to my chastised clit, which was now quite swollen inside its' cage. She began to spank and beat my testes and then bent down and took them into Her mouth, sucking and biting on them before spanking them again. Needless to say this felt both painful and heavenly at the same time, though gradually the pleasure overtook the pain. However, no sooner had i started to become fully aroused when Owner stopped and took out Her vibrator from it place in Her bedside cabinet. Lying on Her side, Her back towards me, and with one leg bent She then placed the vibrator against Her sex and began to pleasure Herself with it. i immediately took this as my cue to get to work with my tongue on Her anus and so with Her vibrator buzzing away next to my left ear my tongue worked its' way inside Her and then began to slide in and out of Her backside. i was able to reach one of Her breasts with my free hand and so squeezed and caressed Her flesh whilst my tongue probed deeper inside Her delicious derriere. Shortly i felt the telltale quiver of Her sphincter muscles and so i pushed deeper still inside Her as she came.

Owners' anus tastes divine and i love opportunities to lick and probe and explore inside Her lick this and so i was thrilled when She continued to pleasure Herself with Her vibrator and continued to accept the presence of my tongue inside Her. And so we continued, Her vibrator purring away and my tongue buried in as far as i could stretch as Owner took Her pleasure again.

Later we lay spooning together in bed, arms wrapped around each other. It was a wonderful way to start the day. i adore providing pleasure this way to Owner. i was left in denial again but very happy for being left so, with a throbbing clit, nipples like bullets and the taste of Owner on my palette and Her scent in my lungs i eventually got out of bed to make us both breakfast to start the day.
i don't normally post much about politics but.....OMG, what a disaster! A catastrophic election outcome last night means the UK will definitely be leaving the EU and also that we now have arguably our own mini version of Trump in power with a commanding majority and the opposition nowhere to be seen - except in Scotland. Owner and i are already contemplating a possible move North.

Anyway, i doubt you read this blog for the politics so back to what Owner and i have been upto. i have finally managed to spend a couple of days working from home. These past few weeks have been super busy and i have criss-crossed the country, from Exeter to Newcastle and many a city in between. This is not something that either Owner nor i like. Owner expects Her wife to be at home and i want to be there too, so the past few weeks have not been what either of us wishes.

However, i have finally got to spend a couple of days working from home again. It was a chance to dress more appropriately for work but also to be seen dressed like this too. We have had an engineer around twice to try and sort out our boiler.These are the outfits i was wearing when he came round  (though i did not have my skirt hitched up as i do in the picture below - nor was i reclining in repose as i am in the second!)
my outfit for the day
in repose
The first outfit i was wearing was one of my regular 'office' outfits for working from home, the second a 'dress down Friday' outfit.  To think that there was once a time when i would have been completely mortified for a stranger to see me dressed like this at home, now i no longer care what they might think. As it was the engineer seemed completely unfazed and simply set about his work fixing the boiler.

i have also had an opportunity to do some home working dice challenges/tasks. The first one earlier in the week was to fuck myself with Owners' silver dildo. So first i prepared it
Then i fucked it
It was lovely to feel it deep inside me but i was a good girl and made sure i did not get too excited! i have also realised that i have quite a pattern of stretch marks on the back of my thighs...ho hum.

The second was to practice deep-throating whilst working from home today (once the engineer had left!). You can see how i got on below

Incidentally, it has now been almost a whole year since my last orgasm. Owner has kept me in denial since the 23rd December 2018. i used to fantasise about being kept in long-term denial, now it has become reality. We rolled the chastity dice on the 11th December and it landed on the face that required i should stay locked for another month. However, Owner over-ruled it and said that i was to stay locked until my one year of orgasm denial anniversary (23rd December) and then would be unlocked for Christmas and the New Year.

i don't know whether to be happy or not. As we will be apart until i join Her in Spain on the 27th i will need to ensure that i remain on best behaviour with no touching etc of my clit. Then when i join Her i will be out of chastity but whether this will result in my period of long-term denial coming to an end or whether i will simply be kept in that state (albeit unlocked) and then maybe returned to chastity when we get back to the UK i have no idea. What it does mean though is that Owner remains in complete control and determines whether or not i get to cum or remain chaste. This is exactly as things should be.

In fact it is interesting to look back on how our 'sex life' has changed in the time that Owner and i have known each other. When we first went from 'just good friends' to something more serious - about 14 years ago - we used to have a pretty vanilla sex life. Then, and not long into our relationship, chastity came into play - at my own suggestion. We played around with it for a bit but there were still many times i was left out of chastity and i was still permitted, on occasion, to have my clit inside Her pussy. However, that all changed about ten years ago. We went to Barcelona on holiday for my birthday. It was to be the last time i would ever be permitted to put my clit inside of Owner.

At about the same time Owner also decreed that i was no longer permitted to initiate sex with Her and that my body was solely for use for Her sexual pleasure. If i was to orgasm, it would be entirely at Her discretion and i must always seek permission first before cumming. Oh, and i was also encouraged to lick up my mess afterwards by Owner. It took a while for me to get used to this and there was a period when i was fairly regularly punished for 'accidental' orgasms. This was probably about the time when Owner first started to fuck me with a dildo/strapon. Most of my orgasms were either the result of that or of being masturbated to one by Owner.

Fast forward another few years - so about five or six years ago and things changed again. Owner realised that She could beat orgasms out of me by simply spanking or paddling my testicles - either when i was in or out of chastity, it didn't matter. This fast became Her technique of choice and eventually became the only means by which i was allowed to cum by Her. Orgasms via this route are very intense as at first the experience of being spanked and slapped or caned etc on your testicles is a very uncomfortable one. It hurts. But then after a bit of punishment something quite magical occurs and the pain morphs into a very intense pleasure. As a result what orgasms i had became much more vocal.

Then gradually the amount of times a year i was permitted to cum began to decline. Chastity was the norm albeit there were always periods when i was unlocked. Those orgasms i did have were now almost solely brought about through being spanked or caned on my 'plums'. Meanwhile, Owner made more and more use of my tongue and sex increasingly evolved towards Her use of one of Her vibrators whilst my tongue pleasured Her backside. She also took more and more pleasure from sitting on my face and half-suffocating me whilst i orally pleasured Her delicious anus.

Which brings us to today, or rather this year. As i say i will have gone an entire year without orgasm by the time we get to Christmas. Much of that time will have been spent in chastity although i am periodically unlocked for periods of time determined by the roll of a dice. To my surprise i have come to really enjoy my period of denial and will have very mixed feelings should it be brought to an end by Owner. But, as always it will be Her choice, just as our evolving sex life has been governed by Her. i love Her for gifting me this experience and hope to continue to serve and pleasure Her as long as we both live.
What a lovely way to start the day! This morning Owner woke me up by gently caressing and stroking my pussy before removing her knickers and placing them over my head so that the gusset was positioned directly under my nostrils. The aroma was wonderful. i adore the scent of my Owner.

Next She moved Her attention to my breasts, caressing and stroking my nipples and sucking on them before then spanking my swollen plums, my clit was now swollen inside its chastity cage. At first Owner used Her hand on my testicles but then moved to using the 'fly-swat' paddle that hangs permanently from the headboard of our bed for just such a reason. After spanking me until i was audibly moaning Owner switched tack again.

Grabbing Her vibrator She brought it between Her legs and began to pleasure Herself with it. i took this as my cue to move position so that i could start to lick Her anus. It wasn't long before we had settled into what is one of Owners' favourite positions, that is with Her straddling my head with Her vibrator purring away against Her clitoris whilst my tongue is licking and probing Her backside. As always She tasted divine. Owners' anus is one of my absolute favourite flavours. We stayed locked like that, Owner with my head clamped between Her thighs and my tongue gliding in and out of Her whilst Her vibrator worked it's magic.

Once satiated Owner then had me flip onto all fours and start to fellate Her favourite dildo whilst She rummaged around for Her lube. Next She lubed up my pussy and slowly pushed Her dildo into me, then positioned it against Her thigh. Grabbing Her vibrator She then pleasured Herself once more with Her electric friend whilst fucking me with Her cock. As She fucked me i kept saying how i loved being Her whore, being fucked by Her, feeling Her cock inside me. Owner fucked me harder and harder until She collapsed on top of me, fully satiated once again.

After withdrawing Her cock we cuddled up in bed together and Owner permitted me to feast on Her wonderful breasts. i mentioned to Owner that it has now been almost a full year since i last had an orgasm - it will be a year on Tuesday. She seemed a little surprised but gave no indication as to when or whether i might ever be allowed to cum again. For my part i am truly happy being kept denied like this and very grateful to Her for the opportunity to experience genuinely long-term denial.

As i say, it was a wonderful way to start the day!
The last few weeks have been super busy for Owner and i, albeit not in a good way. i have had a mad few weeks doing presentations and workshops around the country for work which has meant i have spent hardly a day working from home and had to stay away for a few nights this week whilst i was up in the North of England. Neither Owner nor i like spending time away from one another and we equally both hate it when i am not working from home, as Owner expects me.

Meanwhile, Owner has started a new job which is not turning out quite as She hoped and is causing Her stress.The result has been that neither of us has been at our best and we are both quite tired. Worse, we also know that we will be separated again over the Christmas period with Owner off to stay with Her family and me mine, although i will be joining Her in Spain for the New Year.

Talking of Christmas i also sometimes wish i could tell my family what i would really like as Christmas presents rather than having to conceal that. i'd love to say, oh i would love some make-up or maybe some lingerie or this pretty new blouse or skirt. Instead, i say i would love some vouchers from shops X,Y and Z so that i can then go and purchase some pretty things with Owner. i guess that is perhaps not such a bad thing though and does mean i get better value for money as the post-Xmas sales are on by then :).

Owner and i did go to the theatre last weekend to see a great version of the Taming of the Shrew by the RSC at the Barbican. In this production the genders of all the characters had been swapped so all the male characters became women and vice-versa. It made for a very funny and enjoyable production. We have also been out for drinks and meals a couple of times. However, my having been so busy with work has felt like i have got out of sync with some of my routines and chores and so both of us cannot wait for things to return back to normal a little so that i can be back working from home again where Owner likes me to be and i also like to be too.

Oh and on top of that our boiler has been playing up and we still need the kitchen people to come back and make good a number of the things that they cocked-up.

So, in short, it has been a slightly frustrating few weeks, hence the lack of post updates as there has not been much to tell.
Owner and i have just returned from an unexpectedly incident-packed and hilarious night away which involved, amongst other things being locked out of our hotel room with me dressed like this:
A woman falling into a puddle of someone else's vomit in a pub and a hotel maid getting to see the rare sight of not just my naked backside but also my temporarily unlocked clitty whilst i was lying on the floor in a baby doll nightie! Oh, where to start, where to start?

OK, let us start at the beginning. Readers may recall a blog post a few weeks ago when i mentioned that Owner had decided to buy me a Hideri Kanzaki cosplay costume for a photo shoot. The character appears in the anime Blend S. Hideri is trans and works in the cafe in which the anime is set and wants to be an idol (J-pop star). This is what the Hideri looks like in the series:
Anyway, Owner suggested we book into one of the hotels we regularly frequent, the Charing Cross hotel in London, to do a photo shoot of me in my costume. Owner ensured that everything was in place for the photo shoot, even ordering me some blue coloured contact lenses so that i might have the right eyes and a long sliver grey wig.

Yesterday afternoon we arrived at the hotel to check-in and then do the photo shoot before heading out for drinks and a meal together. Upon arrival our room was not ready so reception switched us to another room. That fact was to become important later in the afternoon.

Anyway, we settled into our room and Owner did my make-up and fixed the wig before helping me with my outfit to commence the photo shoot. Below are some images taken in the suite we were staying in.

i then asked if we could take some pictures of me in the outfit in the corridor outside the room. We left the room, closed the door and Owner started to shoot me in the corridor. Again, you can see some of the pictures She took below.

Satisfied with Her efforts Owner then went to open the room again only to discover that the electronic door key did not work. We were stuck outside the room in the corridor with me dressed as a manga maid! Owner declared that i was not appropriately attired to be despatched down to reception to sort the issue out so She went Herself leaving me in the corridor. The hotel is a big one and there are lots of rooms and as it was only about 5pm i realised it would be quite likely that someone would come along whilst i waited. Rather than try and stand there brazenly and just look like it was the most natural thing in the world for me to be stood dressed like that in the corridor i scuttled down the corridor looking for somewhere to hide myself until Owner returned.

At the very end of the corridor i found a recess which i could stand in that was just past the very end bedroom door. i decided to wait there until i heard Owner return. A short while later i heard footsteps on the corridor, i peeked out but it wasn't Owner, rather it was three women walking down in my direction. i stepped back into my hidey hole waiting for them to stop and enter one of the rooms. But they didn't, they kept heading down towards where i was standing in the recess, getting closer and closer. Eventually they stopped outside the very last door which was about 2 feet to my left and let themselves into their room. Had any of them taken an extra pace they would have been quite surprised to see my standing there desperately trying not to make a sound in my over knee socks and bunny ears!

Seconds later Owner returned and we both let ourselves back into the room. Phew! We then broke out into fits of laughter at our little hotel corridor adventure.

We changed and then headed out, eventually finding a pub with seats to settle in for a few drinks and a spot of people watching. It proved to be an excellent vantage point. The pub was busy with a youngish crowd of drinkers, including a group in which one of the women looked decidedly the worse for wear. It was only 6.30pm but she had clearly had a few and was sat slumped across her table whilst her friends chatted away. At one point her friends decided to try and force her to drink some water and that seemed to be the action that broke the proverbial camels back. The girl got up, staggered, slithered down onto the floor, was dragged back up, sat down briefly and then projectile vomited all over the floor. At about the same time another woman was heading towards the bar and the area where the other girl had just been sick. This other woman was wearing white trainers, a white coat and a very pale blue short dress. She stepped into the vomit, slipped and then fell into it. Her shoes and coat were covered. Given what had just happened she took the whole thing remarkably well - finding it all hilarious herself. The pub watched the comedy unfold as more people nearly came a cropper until the bar staff finally cleaned up.

Owner and i managed to avoid any mishaps and we left later and went for dinner before returning to the hotel. After a good nights sleep we went down for breakfast this morning then returned to our room and back to bed to watch TV. Pricess Bride was showing which i have never watched and so we snuggled up and watched that. Movie over Owner went to the bathroom and i decided to do some of my morning exercises. i was wearing my white baby doll nightie and nothing else.

No sooner had i prostrated myself on the floor at the foot of the bed to do some stretches than i head someone unlock the door and let them self into the room. At the sight of my elevated bare backside, tiny clitty and white baby doll the maid beat a hasty retreat. We later discovered that because the room we were first booked into was not available and we had been switched to another room the computer room service use to tell if a room is occupied or not had not been updated to reflect the fact that we were in it. The maid had ignored the 'do not disturb' sign and let herself straight in. i imagine she was rather surprised, perhaps even more so than i was!

Anyway, the hotel have offered us a discount for our next stay (we go there once a year or so) and gave us a rebate on our booking,

So, it was quite an eventful 24 hours. Oh, and two other bits of news. One related the other not. Owner suggested that as i now had an outfit and as it falls roughly at the same time as our wedding anniversary next year we should register and attend the London Anime & Gaming Convention in February next year. i do, as She pointed out, have a costume i can wear. There is even a parade and outfit competition i can enter. So that is what i shall be doing as part of our wedding anniversary!

The second bit of news is that, after spending the weekend unlocked, i will be returning to chastity in the next few hours. It has been nice being unlocked for a bit and it meant the maid got to see my clitty rather than my cage but being locked is my default state and i look forward to shortly being caged again.
So i have news. Yesterday, it having been the 11th day of the month, Owners' chastity dice was rolled again, as it is the same date each month. This time the dice (on Owners' behalf) decided that i am to be unlocked for 2 days this weekend. This will be my first extended period unlocked for over 100 days and appropriately enough will also happen when Owner and i have booked a hotel stay for a little photo shoot. Whether anything else will happen will entirely be down to Owner but one thing is certain, the days spent locked in permanent chastity counter on the blog will shortly be re-set.

Today also found Owner and i both working at home. i have been spending hardly any time working at home lately due to a combination of being super busy at work and the ongoing saga of our kitchen re-furb (don't ask). However, today we were both able to work at home together. That meant that one of us was wearing fishnet stockings and a skirt and blouse, and no, it was not Owner. My outfit seemed to delight the supermarket delivery person when he arrived with our order late afternoon. He was more than happy to carry our crates upstairs into our flat and then stood quite happily chatting to me in the kitchen whilst i unpacked the groceries. This is not the first time that i have noticed delivery men being very helpful when i am in stockings...i wonder why? :)

Delivery etc sorted Owner and i then headed out for a run at the end of the day. We are continuing with our new running regime and hopefully we will continue to keep it up through winter and into spring. My sister texted me later to say that she too had been for a run, the first in years. This means that either a) running is contagious or b) she reads this blog.

That's about all from me for now.
This post is a little different from my usual ones. This time you get to see a little window into my warped little mind, more specifically, the sorts of thoughts, fantasies and ideas that swirl around my brain and which distract me from time to time. So here, in no particular order, are some of the things that i spend idle moments daydreaming about;
  • Experiencing life as a woman, not becoming one but being able to experience a month or a year as one. This is something i have wanted to experience ever since i was a teenager (that and the ability to read people's minds!). At school i always wanted to know what it would be like to be one of the girls and that feeling has never left me. It is not powerful enough for me to want to actually become one but that fascination with women and what it must be like to experience life as one has never left me. i am very lucky in that Owner does allow me to explore my femininity. But i would love to magically become a woman for a month or so, and it would have to be at least a month to get the full menstrual experience. i think i would be a very slutty girl!
  • Spending the rest of my life locked in permanent chastity and with no ability to ever have the device removed. Now you can tell this is a fantasy rather than a practical idea for many reasons. Firstly, Owner does like to have me out of chastity from time to time so that She can tease and play with my 'clit'. My being in chastity, and i have probably spent as much of our 14 years together locked up as not locked, was originally my suggestion to Her. Owner agrees that it has helped with my development but She does not enforce it on a mandatory basis.  She does like to have me unlocked for periods as well. Practically i also have to remove the device periodically to clean it and shave my 'clit' or swap it for a plastic one (it's metal) when flying. The device that i am locked in is a super small size metal device. Ideally, i would love an even smaller device.
  • The smell and taste of Owner, especially Her delicious anus and urine! i cannot even begin to say how much i love both the taste and smell of both. Just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable 'down there'. My idea of heaven is when Owner straddles me and lowers Her bottom onto my eager waiting tongue. If i were to ever die with Her smothering me like that they would bury me with a grin on my face!
  • Travel and travelling. i love to travel and would happily go anywhere. Owner is more selective as She is not tolerant of heat and dislikes the idea of going to places that require vaccines. OK so nobody actually likes to be vaccinated but i wouldn't not go somewhere for that reason, but Owner would. We both spend a lot of time thinking about and planning where to go next.
  • Wearing very revealing outfits in public. In case you have not noticed i am an exhibitionist. i have been from a very young age (i used to sneak out the house and streak down our street age about 11). i love the idea of walking around wearing hyper revealing and not very appropriate outfits in public places. It excites me but also terrifies me a little as well, though the terror fades. i have a whole panoply of ideas, situations, outfits etc that swim around inside my head. When we visit somewhere for the first time you can pretty much guarantee that one thought going through my head is along the lines of, 'hmmm where would be a good spot to be photographed in just my bra and panties?' Of course, that is the other aspect of my exhibitionism. i love to be photographed - though am not always good at doing the 'smile for the camera' thing! i am also conscious that i need to increase my range of 'poses'. i have recently taking to trying to study how professional models stand, pose and carry themselves etc and trying to remember to include some of the positions they use when Owner is photographing me.
  • Extreme body modification/plastic surgery. i am always impressed when i see someone, say on the tube or in the street, who has taken body enhancement to an extreme. Say they have enormous over-sized lips or a huge chest. The sort of enhancement that you cannot disguise or which people might not overly notice. i am talking about the 'in your face/no disguising' type of enhancement. i think i almost admire the person more than what they have had done, that they still have the self-confidence to go out and about quite happily knowing that everyone else will be looking at them, talking about them, judging them. i wonder what it would be like to suddenly acquire enormous great lips or huge great breasts or a giant inflated backside and see how people around you react to you. i admire those that have done it and, in idle moments, wonder whether i would ever have the same courage/self-confidence.
  • Clothes and shopping for clothes. i used to hate shopping but ever since i started to wear only women's clothes my attitude to clothes and shopping has undergone a complete transformation. i love going shopping with Owner and love to look at all the clothes and imagine what they might look like on me and wonder whether Owner might permit me to purchase something? i also take much more interest in what women wear than i ever once did and will regularly be making mental notes about outfits that i have seen which i would love to wear myself. So for any ladies reading this who would like their husband or boyfriend to take more interest in clothes and shopping the answer is simple. Have him dress en femme. 
  • Working somewhere that i have to wear a short skirt, frilly knickers and stockings and suspenders with heels as part of my uniform. i would love a job that required me to dress quite sluttily every day, especially if it was a public facing role, say as a waitress or in a bar where i had to dress like that in front of total strangers. i imagine Owner observing me as i moved amongst the customers. It is a lovely thought but is a million miles from the job i actually do...sigh.
  • Cocks, specifically really big cocks. i find 95% of men unattractive (there are some exceptions - David Beckham for example) but for the most part i find men unattractive. Cocks, however, i do like. Not my own, no. Actually i don't even think about that as qualifying as one these days, in fact i don't really think about that at all anymore. No, i mean really big, thick ones. These i do fantasise about. Nice big clean shaven cocks, with pendulous testicles and a big fat head. i imagine draining them of their loads, my face slick with warm semen. i do like the taste of cum, Owner used to have me eat up my own in the days when i was allowed to orgasm. It is the one thing that i miss most about being kept in denial. So big cocks ejaculating in my general direction is another fantasy of mine.
Talking of my own cock, or 'clit' to give it's proper name, it never features in my fantasies....ever. i never daydream of having penetrative sex nor fantasise about it. Owner has not permitted my clit to enter Her pussy in almost ten years. Neither do i ever fantasise about receiving blow jobs. i have never had one in my life and have no desire or interest in having one. i fantasise about oral sex quite often and always have, but never, ever as the recipient.

So there you have it, these are some of the things that rattle around inside my head and some of the things that definitely do not.

Incidentally, in case you were wondering Owner and i are planning to do the Hideri Kanzaki photoshoot this coming weekend so we will keep you updated and hopefully post some pictures soon after. Also, tomorrow i get to roll the chastity device again (it being the 11th day of the month). Lets see if i stay locked for another month or not.
Today Owner and i went on our first ever run together in our local park. Neither of us are runners, i last ran when i used to be in the Territorial Army in my 20s (yes that is actually true - i was a heavy machine gunner). However, Owner decided that She would like to give it a try and so She downloaded a super useful app promoted on the National Health Service (NHS) called 'couch to 5k'.

So this  morning we set off for our inaugural run/jog/walk (all three were involved at different points). The programme has a great track record in non-runners to a point where you are able to easily run 5,000m. i am pleased to say that we successfully completed the first stage of our training together - now we just have to keep it up and keep going a bit further in stages. Hopefully this will prove a useful addition to my normal exercise regimen and i am also just so pleased that i can actually run at all. There was a period a few years ago after i experienced major back problems when i could not physically run 5m let alone 5,000m.

This is how we looked having got back home after completing our first run
And yes, i did run in chastity, with make-up and sports bra....obviously :)

Owner and i have just returned form a lovely little trip to Geneva in Switzerland. The weather was glorious with clear views across to Mont Blanc. We had a lovely relaxing time. During our brief visit we took a boat trip out on the lake, enjoyed craft beers and fine food, ate chocolate and wandered around the old town and the Botanical Garden. Geneva was everything i imagined it might be, clean and pretty.
By Lake Geneva
with the famous water fountain in background
in the botanical garden
But the city also threw-up a few surprises as well. Take the area around the train station which still has an active red light district with many street prostitutes working (not a common sight these days). The prostitutes were all wearing vertiginous high-heeled boots but had all taken the sensible option of sitting on chairs outside rather than standing. i don't blame them as those heels must be killers. i joked to Owner that if ever we fell on hard times Geneva train station would be a spot i could come to to try and earn our keep.

Whilst we were there Owner gifted me the treat of enjoying Her delicious anus with my tongue whilst She pleasured Herself with Her vibrator. She also rubbed Her sex against my caged little clit and generally teased and tormented me before leaving me frustrated, aroused and horny after She'd had Her full. Needless to say Her teasing led to a bit of leakage on my part, albeit not as much as a that i experienced about a week ago.

On that occasion Owner briefly released my caged clit and teased and caressed it repeatedly before eventually stopping. i didn't cum but my clit leaked quite copiously, much to my embarrassment.

We are still living in chaos at home as our kitchen works have still not been completed. Both of us have now lost our patience over this and are just desperate to get the work finished so we can fully reclaim our little flat and live undisturbed by builders and disruption again.
So today marks the 300th day i have spent in denial. It has been excactly 300 days (about 10 months) since i last had an orgasm. It has been quite a journey of discovery and one that i am hugely grateful to Owner for enabling me to experience. As i write i have no idea whether or not it might last another 300 days more. It could, it could end tomorrow, only Owner knows the answer. Personally, i love my new permanently chaste state.
the view between my legs
This does not mean i have been locked up in chastity throughout this period. Readers will know Owner has a chastity dice that decides whether or not i get to be locked up or not. There have been short periods on this journey that i have been unlocked but for the most part my clit has been safely secured away. The next chastity dice roll will take place on the 11th November.An orgasm in chastity is not impossible and has happened a number of times before. However, this year Owner has taken precautions to ensure that i never become too excited and thus She has been able to tease and torment me and have me pleasure Her without risking an orgasm for me.

i am so grateful for having the opportunity to be kept in long-term denial like this, It has long been a fantasy of mine and now it has come true. i truly hope to be kept like this for many months, perhaps years, to come. What i adore the most though is the knowledge that ultimately i have no say in the matter. Owner could choose to have me come now or keep me like this until i die. The control is all Hers. That is what i love the most.

This has also been a good weekend for other reasons. Yesterday Owner and i joined my mum, aunt, my sister and my nephew marching through the streets of Central London with hundreds of thousands of others protesting that we want to stay in the European Union. We gathered in Parliament square in the rain at the end of the march to watch a crucial vote in the House of Commons and were delighted when MPs' voted to deny the Prime Minister the right to remove the country from the EU without his agreement being subject to proper Parliamentary scrutiny. Poor Boris was enraged (ha, ha) but MPs were simply doing there job. The delay buys some more time to try and see if Brexit can be halted or reversed. Perhaps it can't but we will keep trying and protesting until the end.
protestors on the march

In other matters, you might recall that we have builders in doing our kitchen. The work was supposed to have been completed last week. It is still not finished. Neither Owner nor i are amused at all by this, in fact we are both fuming.
Owner and i are just back from a lovely overnight stay at the Bermondsey Square Hotel. This is a hotel we have stayed at a few ties before, principally on account of the fact that the rooftop suite we like to stay in has an outdoor jacuzzi/hot-tub with great views over London. So yesterday afternoon and then again after dinner Owner and i were to be found floating about in a tub outside in the rain. It was wonderful and we repeated the experience after breakfast, albeit this time without the rain.

In between stints in the tub Owner took me out to a lovely Argentinian restaurant called Constancia for dinner last night where i got to enjoy the delights of Bife de Chorizo - it was delicious. The hotel stay and meal were both to mark the fifteenth anniversary of the night when Owner first kissed me and our relationship went from purely platonic to, well the start of where we are today.

Here are a couple of pictures of us in the rooftop jacuzzi

me in my bikini
Owner and i
Owner also took this picture of me snuggled up at Her feet whilst She was watching TV in bed. i think it is quite cute
This morning, after returning to the jacuzzi one last time, there was time for a very quick photoshoot in the hotel. Unfortunately, i seem to have forgotten to smile even though i was enjoying myself immensely

All in all, it was a wonderful anniversary treat and i had a wonderful time. How lucky i am!

Sometimes it is the little moments in life that tell you a lot about a person. Today was one such moment. Quite early this morning the doorbell rang with a delivery. i skipped excitedly downstairs (i was working from home) and opened the door. The delivery man had a large flat box for me. On seeing the box i was immediately really excited. My new dress or my new shoes or the wig Owner had ordered for me? Surely it must be one of those?

i took the box (which was surprisingly heavy for it size), signed for it then bounced back upstairs to open it. To my disappointment it was not the outfit Owner had ordered for me, nor was it the matching shoes or the wig She has bought me. No. It was a kitchen tap. We are in the midst of having a new kitchen installed and the delivery was a tap for the kitchen sink. Useful but oh so disappointing compared to what i had hoped it might be.

i messaged Owner to relay the tale. She thought it hilarious and that it neatly sums me up. Oh well, the dress, shoes and wig will come one day.
Today marks the fifteenth anniversary of when Owner first kissed me. It was in the middle of Charing Cross station and it marked the moment when we moved from being 'just friends' to a more intimate relationship. Owner had tired of waiting for me to make a move (i am actually quite shy in that regard) and so grabbed me and kissed me passionately. That kiss eventually to Her moving in with me, me submitting to Her, Owner taking full control over my life and eventually us getting married and me becoming Her wife. That first kiss is an event we celebrate every year and this year is no exception.

To mark the occasion this year Owner took me out for drinks and a meal last night and announced that Her present to me is to take the form of a Japanese cosplay outfit for me to wear and Her to photograph me in. The outfit Owner has chosen is a super appropriate one. It is the character Hideri Kanzaki from the Japanese anime Blend S.  You can see a picture of the character below

Hideri is actually a male character. He is a cross-dresser who wants to hide his masculine side and appear very feminine. He loves to look cute but who is also very vain. Owner thinks it is the perfect character for me and so is buying me the Hideri Kanzaki outfit as Her anniversary gift to me.

i think it is the perfect present to receive from Owner. i absolutely adore these types of outfits and have always wanted to have one and be able to prance and pose in it. The fact that i will be wearing one that relates to a character who is actually a boy but who aspires to be a girl makes Owners' choice even more inspired. i know there are cafes in Japan where the staff wear outfits very similar to the one in the illustration - it is a fantasy of mine to be able work in such a place. Owner also thinks it would be the perfect job for me.

The anime itself is a really interesting one. It too is set in a cafe and includes a sadist waitress, a submissive manager and a host of other interesting characters. There is even one called 'Owner' - though this is a dog. Anyway, i cannot wait to dress-up in character.

My present to Owner is a return visit to one of Her favourite London hotels' complete with private rooftop hot tub. We are going next weekend and i cannot wait to spend the evening relaxing in our swimsuits together. i think we might really need a break by then as next week we are having a new kitchen installed and so we have days of builders and general chaos to look forward to, not! Still it will be worth it when we have a new kitchen in which i can prepare Owner's meals.
Owner has a number of principles that inform Her approach to Her domination and control over me. One of these is that Her time is important to Her and that She expects Her control over me to help free up time for Her to spend how She likes, not add additional demands on Her time. To that end She looks for ways to increase and maintain Her control over me which do not require significant additional effort on Her part. In many sub/Dom relationships the dominant partner can often spend a lot of time focused on the desires of their sub. This can be time the dominant enjoys spending and Owner enjoys times like this too. However, She also expects my serving Her should free up time for Herself and not create additional burdens for Her.

One way this manifests itself is in the use of the dice for deciding punishments or challenges etc that i need to undertake. Once Owner has come up with an initial set of ideas to load the dice with She can then relax and let chance decide what i will need to do rather than Her having to think of something all the time. Periodically, the dice are updated and loaded with new instructions of Her devising but they are essentially a sort of time and labour saving device that provide me with the discipline, consequences or challenges that i need and crave whilst ensuring Owner gets to spend as much time as She likes doing other things.

Another principle that informs Owner's approach is that a 24/7 Femdom life needs to be practical and fun.She is not a sadist nor i a masochist. She will inflict pain and discomfort but does not seek to 'break' me, though whether She perhaps should is another matter (i write rather nervously knowing that Owner will review this post before it is published). Owner also likes to keep things light-hearted and fun. We do not do 'sessions', we live and act as we do 24/7 and i don't think either of us could sustain for very long a very hardcore and intense Dom/sub relationship. Though i submit completely to Owner and She controls pretty much all aspects of my life outside of work i am not Her slave and neither has She ever asked me to become her slave. She teases me that i am fluffy and could not handle life as a real slave but i equally think it is not what She would ever want Herself either. She absolutely is in control but that control is not enforced with an iron rod.

So time-saving (for Owner) and fun are both important facets of our relationship and these tend to be reflected in the ways that Owner exercises Her control over me. If Owner is annoyed with an aspect of my behaviour She will make Her feelings quite clear verbally and admonish me, only rarely will She actually physically punish me. In the meantime, the dice are used to keep me on my toes, break down some of my remaining inhibitions, practice my skills, increase my pain tolerance and discourage me from working away from home as much as possible.

With that in mind, here are some examples of more recent dice-determined things i have had to do recently
eating my dinner whilst blindfolded - incidentally i eat all my meals from this dog bowl
washing-up naked except for a pair of hold-ups and my furry butt-plug
The video below shows me self-administering one of the more 'uncomfortable' dice punishments - beating my 'plums' with Owner's favourite leather paddle

With Owner not having been very well and then having the stress of interviews i had fallen behind in receiving some of the punishments i had accrued. i was due a number of outstanding punishments as a consequence of having gone into the office a few times this past week rather than working from home as Owner expects. Today was an opportunity to catch-up on a few of these punishments.

As usual for such punishments the precise nature had been determined by the roll of Owners' 'office working dice'. i had accrued two sets of 100 spankings from Owner's favourite leather paddle - nicknamed 'gatuno' as it is cat shaped. The third punishment consisted of being tied up whilst watching a TV episode with Owner.

Owner started the day with the tying-up punishment. Here i am early in the morning tied-up on the sofa in my nightie, dressing-gown and slippers.
 The day ended with me receiving 200 spanks on my bottom from Owner's favourite leather paddle.
There are two further such working away from home punishments still to catch-up with. One is cooking wearing just stockings and my furry-tailed butt plug and the second is eating dinner blind-folded. i will be completing both tomorrow.
This has been that rarest of things, an unequivocally good week. Our Prime Minister was rightly found to have broken the law by the Supreme Court (and let's just take a moment to admire the wonderful Lady Hale, president of that court). And impeachment proceedings have kicked off against US President Trump.

The past few years have, in many ways, been quite shit, but this as definitely been a good week. To add to the mood of general celebration Owner has also got a new job. She has not liked Her current job and these past few years have been a struggle for Her. A combination of physical ailments and hormonal changes (it's that time of life for us both) have all too often left her quite low and doubting Her own abilities.

This the offer of a new (and very good) job is a welcome development.

Today we headed out to a theatre and then for some drinks. It was wonderful to be able to just spend some time together. It has been a good week.

in the pub with Owner

We have just marked a bit of a milestone, it has now been over nine months since i last had an orgasm. It is not that i have not enjoyed any moments of sexual pleasure in that time, quite the opposite.  i have had the privilege of being able to feast on Owners' delicious derrier. i have been smothered by Her as She has ridden my face to orgasm. She has ground Herself against my body as She has brought Herself off. i have eagerly sucked Her vibrator clean after it was slick with Her juices. i have worshipped Her breasts and fellated Her 'cock'. She has fucked me with Her strapon and my swollen 'plums' have been spanked and slapped until they throbbed hard...for hours, sometimes days. However, not once have i been allowed to cum. Instead i have been granted the opportunity to experience the delirium of desire that comes from being kept denied for days upon days, month after month. And i am extremely grateful.

Owner has always been clear. My body is there for Her pleasure alone. Sex will only ever be initiated by Her and will always be on Her terms. My role is to please and pleasure Her whenever She should desire that i do so. In the past though She used to let me cum, it was always on Her terms.

However, the number and frequency of my orgasms has declined over time as Her expectations grew that my role was to pleasure Her.  Orgasms when they came were always combined with pain and came tinged with disappointment. Those orgasms i was permitted were mostly beaten out of me, they were achieved through Owner spanking my testes... hard. Orgasm via the sweet ecstasy of pain. They were amazing. Until meeting Owner i never knew you could cum that way or quite how fucking good to be beaten that way feels. i loved how the pain and discomfort, intense at first as my balls were struck hard, morphed into the most exquisite pleasure. But whereas now Owner will stop before the rush of an orgasm overtakes me and i am pleading to be allowed to cum, then She would let me explode.

But that instant of release from an orgasm that had just been, quite literally, beaten out of me was always tinged with dissappointment because in truth the longer the gap between orgasms, the longer i was kept in denial, the more i came to relish that denied state. Post-orgasm i felt flat. Gone were the raging torrents of desire that filled my thoughts each hour of the day and lifted me ever higher the longer i was kept denied. Gone was the longing, the high peaks of yearning, the rushing, tumbling, turbulent streams of denial.  After the transient pleasure of release the landscape lay flat and featureless. Then time would pass and the emotional scenery would start to change as my frustration and yearning once agan kicked and i would once more enter the foothills of extended denial.

Nine months in and i am back high amongst the mountains. i would love to cum but i crave the intensity of denial even more. It is a strange feeling. But here, amidst the wilderness i have no wish to return to the valley below. i wish nothing more than the opportunity to continue to pleasure my Owner whenever She so desires, to revel in the taste and scent of Her. To bring Her pleasure whilst experiencing the wonder of denial. As someone once said, 'it is not about the destination but the glory of the ride' and the ride is sublime. i don't know how long Owner will leave me up in the mountains of denial, indeed whether She will ever again lead me back down. But it is a state i have come to love.

In the meantime, Owner and i went out for lunch today in Dulwich. As you can see from the picture below we had quite the feast! i am so lucky to have met Her and to be able to spend my life with Her. She treats me in so wonderful many ways

After breakfast this morning Owner said to me that She would like to take me back to bed to 'explore my body'. What followed next was wonderful. Owner strapped Herself into Her new dildo and then had me fellate Her 'cock' to demonstrate the skills i have been practising the past few months. Then She lay on Her side and presented Her delicious backside to me for me to lick whilst She pleasured Herself to an orgasm with the strap-on bullet vibe. i absolutely adore having my tongue inside Owners arse and it was wonderful to feel Her sphincter muscles contract and quiver around my tongue as She came.

Next, Owner had me position myself on all fours and, after first spanking my chastised clitty and my 'tight little plums', She then lubed my 'pussy' and began to play with it with Her fingers. She caressed its entrance and then inserted Her fingers as i moaned contentedly like the greedy whore i am. Owner remarked how big, wet and welcoming my pussy was before positioning Herself behind me and sinking Her 'cock' into me. She switched on the bullet vibe positioned in the gusset of the strap-on to pleasure Herself and then instructed me to fuck myself on Her dildo 'like a whore'. i needed no further encouragement and began to ride Her phallus, delighting in the sensation of Her cock sliding in and out of me, pushing down on it as far as i could with each thrust of my hips as Owner focused on the pleasure the vibe was providing Her.

After fucking myself on Her cock for a few minutes the embedded bullet vibe purring against Her clit brought Owner to another climax and She withdrew, leaving me wet and aching for more. We lay snuggled contentedly on the bed as i revelled in the sensation of intense frustrated desire as my caged clit throbbed and my whole body tingled.

It was a wonderful way to start the day. My orgasm drought continues but i feel absolutely wonderful!
Greetings from the Shetland Isles! Owner and i are currently enjoying our summer (late) holidays here. The landscape and scenery of the islands is stunning and we have been having great fun exploring the dramatic coastline and visiting some of the outlying islands off the mainland (including the tiny island of Fair Isle which has been on my bucket list of places to visit for as long as i can remember).

Last night the remnants of hurricane Dorian blew through the island (which can be very windy any way at the best of times) so today we are having a relaxing start to the day waiting for the winds to ease off a little. We are staying in a little old croft in the middle of the mainland just a few hundred meters from the sea. It is a lovely spot surrounded by lots of sheep and the odd Shetland pony or two.

Owner has been spoiling me rotten whilst we have been here. She has been doing much of the cooking (i normally do it all) and has let me have some ice cream and even let me have a bottle beer the other night. In return i have been chauffeuring Her around in our hire car.

Owner also took some naughty pictures of me out and about in the Shetland landscape. The first three pictures are taken on the Eastern coast of the mainland

i do not recommend crossing moorland in heels!
ship ahoy!

The next three pictures were taken on the most northerly inhabited island of the UK - Unst

trekking the coastline
have backpack will travel
much more appropriate jacket and footwear!

As i said some of the landscape in the Shetland Isles is truly stunning.  Here is a short selection of some images from our travels so far

Our transport to Fair Isle
stunning beaches
Mousa Broch - a structure that is at least 2,000 years old!
plenty of these about

and friendly seals follow your every move 
Owner leads the way
Coastal cliffs
Being on holiday does not, however, mean being free from the dice. Today is the 11th which regular readers will know that it gets rolled on the 11th day of each month to see whether or not i will be released from chastity for a short period. It was rolled again this morning after breakfast. And the result? i will be staying in chastity for at least another 2 months. Meanwhile, i also continue to be kept in a state of long-term orgasm denial. It is now over 260 days since my last orgasm - last year i was kept in denial for a nine month period, i am now close to equalling that and i hope to be kept this way for a lot longer still.